Neighbours request

I’ve had those ear plugs and couldn’t get to grips with them - what’s the trick?

We only ever use our washing machine and tumble dryer at night, as that’s when we get cheap electricity.

Wow she’s bonkers and giving off major stalker vibes!! What a nightmare.

Yeah same. Everything else is normal every day noise… with the flushing, you could use but maybe not flush every time (save on water bill too if you’re metered). I try and avoid flushing in the small hours not so much because of the neighbours but because of the others in the house.

Hairdryers/vacuums are quite loud. I’d probably avoid doing it near a party wall or maybe go downstairs to do it. I don’t think you need to accommodate her batty behaviour but I think there are certain aspects you could change without being detrimental or difficult, which might help.

She sounds bonkers and I feel sorry for her children. Who the fuck makes their 5-year-old get involved in a petty feud with the neighbours? Not a loving and responsible parent, that’s for sure.

She sounds bonkers.

Oh dear me.

Ignore as and when possible. Find something to make you happier and fast before you feel like escalating things.

Sorry I clicked on YABU in error.

I think you should just continue as you are OP. Your neighbour sounds deranged. Reminds me of my bonkers neighbour who asked me to stop having such noisy sex in the middle of the night!

ugh!

we have one of those neighbours too. He’s has mental health problems and when we first move in 8 years ago; he would meow, growl and make horrible screaming noises though the wall, which terrified my son (then 9).
he used to bang on the wall with a hammer whenever I had visitors and when it was Covid, sent us a letter telling us he was monitoring our noise.

normally, there would be no noise between 8am-6pm as we were out at work and the kids were at school and at weekends it was just normal family noise (similar to what you are describing).

i lost my rag with him eventually and went round (politely) and told him that I was going to report him to the council and the police for harassment…. He’s never really stopped but it did get better.

i wouldn’t give in to her. And make a detailed diary of any silly instances of her bad behaviour or noise level. You can report it to the council even if you are not a council tenant.

Tell her to go do one and she can buy some earplugs if it all bothers her that much.

Allow me to repeat, this person is a fucking nutter. They will never (not ever) stop trying to harass you if they get what they want - which is your attention and distres. You cannot have normal conversations or expectations of nutters and life is a lot better when we accept this. Blank them completely, they no longer exist. Get a ring camera if you don't already have one, set up other cameras around the place.

Walk past them absolutely ghosting them, headphones are handy for that, slightly smiling and never even look in their direction again.

Take contemporaneous notes, report any incidents to the police. Keep a file of their behaviour for future possible police interventions.

In case she body blocks or screams in your face (possible with nutters) have a couple of very bland grey rock statements available in your mind "I'll let the police know when I'm chatting to them about you later. Bye now" etc. calmly get out your phone and smilingly begin recording her if she invades your space "Could you move please, I've asked you before to stop harassing me" and all in a calm tone, with a slight smile.

Sometimes nutters an be turned away when they realise you are not a soft target. There's no point wondering why she's targeted you, she's just a nutter, they run on their own rules.

The only real way to deal with fucking nutters is to completely and totally ghost and block them, moving house is obviously not an option but also works.

Any interaction you give her will feed her nutty entitlement. Good luck.

I’d see if I could catch the dp and have a word about unreasonable requests and deliberate excessive noise from her. She sounds ridiculous.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. It sounds like you’re already being considerate and keeping noise to a minimum. Shift work is tough, and you still have every right to live normally in your own home. Her requests are unrealistic, especially things like not flushing the toilet after 11pm. Shared walls mean a bit of noise is unavoidable.
If you’re not blasting music or running appliances at odd hours, then she’s the one who needs to adjust her expectations. I’d just carry on as you are and stay polite but firm.

OP has quite clearly said that she does not make noise at night. It seems clear that the neighbour is just being vexatious.

You really think that OP shouldn't be allowed to flush her own toilet? That's totally ridiculous and very unhygienic.

There not
different type of quality and construction
I'm guessing not every terraced house is built to the same spec as yours

My unruly kids used to scream in the garden after school. A girl living a few houses down the road complained about the noise as she was studying for exams. At 4/5pm this is not reasonable so I told her I would do my best to keep them quiet. Not possible.

I also think that you rebuffing her initial attention (even gently) has been a factor in how she is behaving now.

She sounds nuts and very bitter if she asked her child to make a noise. She is probably upset that you are in constant contact with her any longer. I would just keep things breezy with her but don’t encourage any deeper contact. She sounds like she could turn

I do have some sympathy for your neighbour if she is not able to sleep at night. Sleep deprivation is awful. However it sounds like she and her family are making plenty of noise themselves.
Do you have a power shower ? They can be noisier than showers that use mains pressure. And is your washing machine particularly noisy? Sometimes if the legs are not properly adjusted the machine can rock on the spin cycle and be noisy. I had to replace my elderly washing machine recently and bought a new super quiet one. It wasn't particularly expensive either. I moved house a few months ago and my new neighbour told me that the previous owner of my house had a noisy washing machine. I asked him if he could hear mine and he said no.

My new house has an extractor in the bathroom that runs on excessively long after it has been switched on and the other neighbours had commented on it having been on a lot when the previous owner was here. I read that you can alter the timing, so i am going to get someone in to change it. In the meantime i open the bathroom window instead. You can alter it yourself but i don't want to mess about with something that is connected to the electrics. These are easy things to fix and be accommodating to your neighbours.

Also, do you slam your front door or pull it gently to? I once had a neighbour down the street who slammed her door so loudly you could hear it several houses away. The lock was probably seized up and could have been lubricated to help it to close more easily.

And because of this i felt able to mention to my new neighbour that her dog had been barking non-stop for hours when left alone in the house. She brought in a dog trainer and i rarely hear it bark now. I don't mind the odd bark, because i have a piano which i am sure they can hear, so that's fair enough.

It's all about being considerate. I am really surprised by all the posters saying, ' tell her to f* off etc'. That will achieve nothing.
As other posters have said, some european countries (I think Germany is one) have rules about excessive noise at unsocial hours. Noise disturbance can really negatively affect quality of life.

My advice, for what it's worth, would be to look at any noises you can remediate and text your neighbour to let her know you are taking her concerns seriously and what you can do about it. Some you won't be able to change, maybe due to the layout of that building, water pipes etc. But falling out with neighbours is something to be avoided. If you own your place, any neighbour disputes have to be declared when you come to sell and could affect your ability to sell.
Good luck. I hope you manage to resolve the situation.

Are you in a flat or a house? I wouldn’t do any more than you’re doing. It sounds like a control thing gone wrong.

Before I moved I had a pair of neighbours like this. Their bedroom was under my living room and the floor between us was timber, which they made creak more by heating their room like a sauna. Half my age, went to bed early. I went up at 10.30 pm. The other neighbour on top of them had a laminate floor, but also biker and goth visitors, never complained about her. I wrote the following, to the tune of Tom Lehrer's Vatican Rag.

First you bang upon her floor,
Then you block her garage door,
There's no need to hesitate,
Intimidate, intimidate, intimidate.

Take whatever steps you want for
She's no defence and furthermore
Nobody will shop yer, there's no law will stop yer
Doing the harassers' rag

Send her letters multifolded,
Misspelled, underlined and bolded,
Make her feel she's being scolded,
And you've got her strangleholded.
Do all that you can to grieve her
She's old and single, who'll believe her
Two, four, six, eight,
Make her home depreciate.

Disconnect her water main,
Drive straight at her, then again,
Say "I never saw you, mate,"
Intimidate, intimidate, intimidate.

When your neighbour's broken hearted
You'll be so glad that you started
Nobody will shop yer, there's no law will stop yer
Doing the harassers' rag.

Claim she's falling through the floor,
Say "That's just a metaphor",
Don't stick to facts, but overstate,
Intimidate, intimidate, intimidate.

When you've shattered the old witch
Boast you've sorted out the bitch
When you've done it fully
It's great to be a bully
Getting her traumatic you'll
Be feeling so fanatical
Doing the harasser's rag.

The floor banging was long after I'd gone to bed on the floor above - I was in a two floor maisonette. The clever touch was banging on the underside of the lower stairs in their bedroom cupboard so it sounded as is someone was coming up the stairs. I haven't invented anything above,
I think their chief objection was to my breathing.