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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbours request

266 replies

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:09

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

OP posts:
rwalker · 21/10/2025 16:28

I used to live in a terrace and you could hear Next doors toilet flush and I presume they could hear mine
ultimately I think the issue is your toilet flushing at 2.30am and 5am in the morning is waking them along with shutting your front door and shutting your car door noise travels in the early hours and does seem louder as everything is quiet at that time

I’m guessing the above 2 have pissed her off to the point anything you do will now will piss her off

DonewhatIcando · 21/10/2025 16:28

@isitmytime
I like your style, you didn't give in to her batshittery & replied with a measured response 👏
Start keeping a record of what's happened so far, do you have a ring camera or similar?
If so keep the recording of her" little darling" wailing outside your house.
I agree with a pp, don't change your habits but smile and wave when you see her.
Don't feed the "crazies" they thrive on it

Doggymummar · 21/10/2025 16:27

Honestly, is it worth the drama? We are buying a semi-detached, moving from detached and I've already sourced acoustic panel's. They are very cheap and then you can make as much noise as you like as it will be absorbed. I'm very concerned to be good neighbour tho.

Tassielassie · 21/10/2025 16:21

Get a video door bell to record her, but completely ignore her demands.

AnotherForumUser · 21/10/2025 16:15

Achewyhamster · 21/10/2025 15:56

This was our neighbour

She banged on our door one night with a list of do's and don'ts for us to follow

Things like 'no parking'
'No flushing the loo more than once a day'
'No cooking curries'
'No leaving for work at 7am'
'No hanging the washing out'
'No using your own garden'
(You get the idea)

We laughed at her and carried on so she ramped it up and threatened to report us to our landlord (we own our house but she didnt know that)

We laughed off her threats and she ended up having a house fire-we've not heard from her since (just waiting though-her type are always the same)

Shes the boss in her household and mistakingly thought she's the boss of our street too

She had a shock-i hung my granny knickers on the line with pride and smile if I see her while I'm using my garden

I am impressed with your approach. Though I'd have been tempted to open a curry catering business and take up learning to play the bagpipes too.

Original poster
isitmytime · 21/10/2025 16:12

She Sees herself as a bit of a queen bee and likes to think she knows best about everything. When I moved in she tried telling me I couldn’t park outside on the street and had to use the allocated parking so that her partner could park there. Obviously I ignored that.
trued to tell me not to change anything in the house as the previous owners had made it perfect and it didn’t need it…it did!
i think from what I gather she’s bored. She doesn’t work but hates being stuck at home, but doesn’t want to work. All said by her so I’m assuming this is her new obsession.
I won’t retaliate but I do have limits and I’m not a walk over. I’m sure it will blow over just hopefully soon.

OP posts:
Whereismyfleeceblanket · 21/10/2025 16:10

There are a few websites on how to piss off your ndn legally.
Given it's nearly Halloween how about a few tricks for her??

TMMC1 · 21/10/2025 16:02

JohnBullshit · 21/10/2025 15:20

Your response was beyond reasonable. I'd be inclined to make a reciprocal list to keep in hand in case of escalation. If she can hear you then you can hear them, right?

No, need to be careful as any ‘neighbour dispute’ would be highlighted when either one of you wants to move.

Achewyhamster · 21/10/2025 15:56

This was our neighbour

She banged on our door one night with a list of do's and don'ts for us to follow

Things like 'no parking'
'No flushing the loo more than once a day'
'No cooking curries'
'No leaving for work at 7am'
'No hanging the washing out'
'No using your own garden'
(You get the idea)

We laughed at her and carried on so she ramped it up and threatened to report us to our landlord (we own our house but she didnt know that)

We laughed off her threats and she ended up having a house fire-we've not heard from her since (just waiting though-her type are always the same)

Shes the boss in her household and mistakingly thought she's the boss of our street too

She had a shock-i hung my granny knickers on the line with pride and smile if I see her while I'm using my garden

LittleBitofBread · 21/10/2025 15:55

Keep a record of her noise nuisance (I have a feeling she's going to escalate rather than give up).
Eventually you'll be able to go to the council about it.

BMW6 · 21/10/2025 15:55

She's obviously trying to retaliate (for no good reason) - I'd ignore her for now.........

Jo7890123 · 21/10/2025 15:55

TheatricalLife · 21/10/2025 15:50

Just totally ignore every effort to annoy you, or smile and wave if she sees you. She'll soon get tired of it if she gets absolutely no reaction. She's an idiot.

This, don't make extra noise or try to be annoying as others have suggested, if it gets out of hand and someone complains to the council about noise you'll look silly saying 'she started it'. Just wait for her to move on to being annoyed by someone else.

themerchentofvenus · 21/10/2025 15:54

@isitmytime your neighbour is a loony!

Just say "OK, sure" to her request then change nothing and carry on as normal.

KookyRoseCrab · 21/10/2025 15:53

Friendlygingercat · 21/10/2025 15:30

I used to live in a flat with an elderly neighbour underneath. She complained to the housing cooperative management that I was often up til after midnight, walking around, having a shwer, flushing the loo etc. She admitted that I was not having guests in or playing music, just normal domestic noise. Still she could not relax until she heard me walk into my bedroom. The chair was nonplussed and told her that these were simply lifestyle differences and as I was not breaking my lease in any way he could not intervene. I told her that she often woke me up on the morning of a late shift hoovering and running the washer. If she could keep these activities til after 10 am I would make a special effort to be quiet after 10 pm, although I gave no gaurantee what time I would go to bed. She huffed that she liked to get her housework done early.

The result was that every time she woke me hoovering etc at 8 am I deliberately punished her by banging about that evening. I flushed the loo, ran the shower, and slammed a few drawers in the kitchen. When she was quiet at the beginning of the day I made an effort to be quiet at the end. Eventually she learned.

when I stayed in my flat and was having a party i went downstairs to the lady who lived underneath me in gave her a miniature of brandy and said ( I’m having a party) she knew as well it was like once every six months.

PullingOutHair123 · 21/10/2025 15:50

She's ramping up the crazy! 1 of 2 things will now happen.

  1. She will get bored and move on
  2. She will not get bored and ramp up

In case of option 2, I would start a diary. Noting yours and her sounds. When you come and go, and when she encourages her child to wail like a banshee or put the speaker against the wall.

TheatricalLife · 21/10/2025 15:50

Just totally ignore every effort to annoy you, or smile and wave if she sees you. She'll soon get tired of it if she gets absolutely no reaction. She's an idiot.

KookyRoseCrab · 21/10/2025 15:50

I would tell her to f * off 😂 yes there is some houses near us that have paper thin walls and I’ve heard you can hear everything but your not doing that your going about normal life . As for the child i would just ignore him/her as more fool the mum

OriginalUsername2 · 21/10/2025 15:49

What a sad little life she must have.

Original poster
isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:43

There is no way she’s hearing the hair dryer I just put it on then went into my bedroom and I can barely hear it through the closed doors and then the noise needs to go through another room plus the adjoining wall so I’m sure she can’t hear it.

She also just put music on far louder than she ever had before, bet she’s got a speaker pushed up against the wall!

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 21/10/2025 15:36

I’d make more noises. How you treat me, I treat you.

Happyher · 21/10/2025 15:36

Tell her it’s not you - it must be the neighbour on the other side

spoonbillstretford · 21/10/2025 15:33

You aren't doing anything wrong. I'd say that I'm sorry if she is disturbed by it, but that I don't feel I'm being excessively noisy and that these are just the normal sounds of life, and there is nothing I can do about it.

That said, I don't flush the toilet in the night after a wee but have to if the odd time it's a no 2.

Friendlygingercat · 21/10/2025 15:30

I used to live in a flat with an elderly neighbour underneath. She complained to the housing cooperative management that I was often up til after midnight, walking around, having a shwer, flushing the loo etc. She admitted that I was not having guests in or playing music, just normal domestic noise. Still she could not relax until she heard me walk into my bedroom. The chair was nonplussed and told her that these were simply lifestyle differences and as I was not breaking my lease in any way he could not intervene. I told her that she often woke me up on the morning of a late shift hoovering and running the washer. If she could keep these activities til after 10 am I would make a special effort to be quiet after 10 pm, although I gave no gaurantee what time I would go to bed. She huffed that she liked to get her housework done early.

The result was that every time she woke me hoovering etc at 8 am I deliberately punished her by banging about that evening. I flushed the loo, ran the shower, and slammed a few drawers in the kitchen. When she was quiet at the beginning of the day I made an effort to be quiet at the end. Eventually she learned.

ThisGentleRaven · 21/10/2025 15:30

She's batshit.

I don't work shifts and I still use the loo at random times at night. I flush the toilets, even with kids in the house! Most people do.

Washing machine on spins ARE noisy and annoying, but loo and showers? No choice.

Good luck with that idiot.

ThisCanFuckOffToo · 21/10/2025 15:27

I don’t think I’d use a hairdryer at 5 am if I lived in an attached house but the rest of her requests are completely unreasonable, as is her behaviour, obviously.