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Original poster

Neighbours request

266 replies

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:09

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

OP posts:
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Original poster
isitmytime · 25/10/2025 19:33

@Francesteini’d very much doubt it she’s only in her 30’s 34/35 I think. I think it’s grief that’s caused some sort of breakdown.
it’s been all quiet since yesterday. Actually not even sure any of them have left the house today.

OP posts:
Fimofriend · 25/10/2025 16:29

katepilar · 21/10/2025 20:56

I wonder to what extent the whole showering in the morning is a British thing?

Show quote history

It isn't.

pictoosh · 25/10/2025 15:39

Francestein · 25/10/2025 00:23

She sounds like she’s possibly in the throes of perimenopause also. I see this behaviour often.

Where do you often see it?

Theunamedcat · 25/10/2025 14:43

Francestein · 25/10/2025 00:23

She sounds like she’s possibly in the throes of perimenopause also. I see this behaviour often.

Ewww

Throckmorton · 25/10/2025 14:04

Francestein · 25/10/2025 00:23

She sounds like she’s possibly in the throes of perimenopause also. I see this behaviour often.

Wow, that's a pretty insulting generalization.

Francestein · 25/10/2025 00:23

She sounds like she’s possibly in the throes of perimenopause also. I see this behaviour often.

Original poster
isitmytime · 24/10/2025 18:38

I don’t think it’s as severe as hallucinations etc I just think she wanted something to be angry at that took her away from the main thing that’s going on.
of course her lying was not the right thing to do but she’s been caught out and hopefully won’t do it again. Her partner did say she’s not told any friends about what’s happened and asked me to keep it to myself, by lying she was getting sympathy/attention from her friends just about the totally wrong thing.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 24/10/2025 17:53

@isitmytime there is given what you have said and her behaviour a chance she isn’t lying - auditory hallucinations/hearing things is a symptom of depression/sleep deprivation and having a psychotic break.

given how you describe her and what is going on it is possible that is the case

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/10/2025 17:08

"I actually feel a bit sorry for her after speaking to him. There’s been a traumatic incident in her close family and she’s apparently not coping at all."
Your sympathy is misplaced. Whatever is happening within her family, you are not being noisy and her lying that you are is not helping her close family, is it?

HelplessSoul · 24/10/2025 16:53

isitmytime · 24/10/2025 15:58

So…I spoke to her partner just as he got home from work. I made it look like I was just popping round to speak to her when in reality I’d been hovering about waiting to see him arriving back!
I explained I was just wanting to chat to her about the noise issues and he was really perplexed so I explained what had been happening the last few days. He didn’t have a clue what was i on about but that he’d speak to Her and ask what was going on.
She then came out and wasn’t very talkative just asked him why we were chatting then went back inside without addressing anything.
I actually feel a bit sorry for her after speaking to him. There’s been a traumatic incident in her close family and she’s apparently not coping at all. He’s confirmed they’ve never heard anything she was complaining about and that she’s never mentioned anything to him either.
she’s seeking help from her Dr, he was home early to take her to an appointment and said he’d speak to her as they last thing they want is to piss me off and for to to actually start being noisy and cause and issues. Obviously I’m not going to do that and I feel bad that she’s got so much going on in her life that she’s behaving a bit erratically. I don’t know the reason she chose to blatantly lie but hopefully it won’t happen again.

So in other words, your NDN is a trouble-making idiot.

Her family issue wasnt caused by you - so she loses any sympathy right there.

I'd still tell her to fuck off if I were you when you see her next.

GreySkiesAndBirds · 24/10/2025 16:30

sounds like you are a really nice neighbour

Washingupdone · 24/10/2025 16:08

It’s good it is in the open for everyone’s sake. You did a good job OP

MousseMousse · 24/10/2025 16:03

I didn't think she sounded very well @isitmytime but I didn't mention before because it can come across as a sexisr trope

Original poster
isitmytime · 24/10/2025 15:58

So…I spoke to her partner just as he got home from work. I made it look like I was just popping round to speak to her when in reality I’d been hovering about waiting to see him arriving back!
I explained I was just wanting to chat to her about the noise issues and he was really perplexed so I explained what had been happening the last few days. He didn’t have a clue what was i on about but that he’d speak to Her and ask what was going on.
She then came out and wasn’t very talkative just asked him why we were chatting then went back inside without addressing anything.
I actually feel a bit sorry for her after speaking to him. There’s been a traumatic incident in her close family and she’s apparently not coping at all. He’s confirmed they’ve never heard anything she was complaining about and that she’s never mentioned anything to him either.
she’s seeking help from her Dr, he was home early to take her to an appointment and said he’d speak to her as they last thing they want is to piss me off and for to to actually start being noisy and cause and issues. Obviously I’m not going to do that and I feel bad that she’s got so much going on in her life that she’s behaving a bit erratically. I don’t know the reason she chose to blatantly lie but hopefully it won’t happen again.

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 24/10/2025 11:52

She's doing it for the drama. She's got something to whinge about to her mates in the morning.
I'm all for ignoring, but I would actually speak to her partner now and tell him, making it clear that you overhead her talking and that you were not home last night so any "noise" must be coming from elsewhere. I wouldn't accuse her of lying because that never goes down well (however true it is) but more that you want to find out who and what is causing the issue as it's not you.
Best of luck. Hopefully she'll feel a right twat at being caught out fibbing, but she seems the type that won't.

Original poster
isitmytime · 24/10/2025 11:43

Update
now I know she’s making this up…
Last night I stayed at DPs he was passing mine so picked me up around 7pm and then dropped me off on his way to work about 7.30am. My car was obviously still there so looked like I was home.
I was out the front when the neighbour and friend returned from school drop off and overheard her bitching and moaning about noise last night!
The friend was encouraging her to say something. I said morning and asked if everything was ok and they both quickly went inside.
I’m baffled! I’m going to go round when her partner is back home and try and find out what the hell is going on.

OP posts:
sugarapplelane · 24/10/2025 10:19

isitmytime · 23/10/2025 22:51

@Spinmerightroundbabyi e explains a few times I only use the washer/drier during the day, usually the morning once I get up so after 9am and only once can I remember using later when I got blood on a top but that was still before 8pm
and as for the hair drier it’s not been a issue for 3years and it’s used in the room furthest from the adjoining wall and all the internal doors are closed.

thankfully it’s been pretty quiet today but I assume it’s because her partner has been home since before lunchtime.

I would go round Whilst the partner is there and show him the correspondence from his wife with all these requests.
He sounds like he’s more normal and may try to talk sense into her.
Tell him that these requests simply aren’t normal.

liamharha · 24/10/2025 09:36

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:09

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

She sounds like she has a mental health disorder

hididdlyho · 24/10/2025 07:57

I wouldn't change anything about your reasonable behaviour or get into conversations about why you're doing certain activities at particular times etc. If you live adjoined to people, there's bound to be occasions where a neighbour's behaviour is irritating, but not unreasonable enough to warrant a complaint to them.

She's not a 'normal' person who would be grateful for your co-operation with one particular issue that's inconveniencing her, then go back to having a friendly relationship with you. She's actively finding lists of things to complain about because she wants to. She's either doing it for attention, to be controlling, or possibly both.

If she senses you're giving her requests headspace, she'll keep finding more things to pick at and try to exert her control over. If you engage as minimally as possible, then she'll be forced to stop the nonsense or find someone else to pester.

GaIadriel · 24/10/2025 05:10

I think I'd find a washing machine thumping away in the wee hours a bit much, but I'm in a maisonette so it shakes everything pretty badly. But showers etc are fair game. I shower before bed as the alternative is showering at the crack of dawn (was up 03:30 this morn).

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 24/10/2025 03:52

If you have any more aggro from this women. Get in touch with your local council Noise dept.

And ask her her to record as and diaries the noisy incidents

For whatever reason she sounds envious of you.

wombat1a · 24/10/2025 02:12

Tell her you are economy 7 so the washing machine is timed to run between 11pm and 6am to get the cheaper power.

Francestein · 24/10/2025 01:00

I would be tempted to ask her partner if she is unwell atm, as she is behaving erratically and encouraging their kid to behave in an antisocial manner. Let him know that she seems to have become very obsessive about imagined noise and has made irrational and unreasonable demands. Let him know that you have tried to be understanding, but her behaviour is escalating and you are taking notes in case it continues.

greenishredblue · 24/10/2025 00:45

Ha ha I had similar to this op. She don’t want us to use our garden as she likes to relax in hers. She said she would allow our Ds to play in ours for an hour a day!!!!!!. She was saying our telly was loud when we don’t even have the telly on. She said our cat had been screaming all night for a whole week (cat has sadly died 2 weeks before this)

anyway I basically told her to do one. Now I worked nights at the time and she took great pleasure in playing loud music, getting her kids to scream, slamming doors. This went on until she as complained about by another neighbour.

(I was aware this was going on as she started as soon as I got in at 9am but because I had amazing ear plugs I could not hear a peep. I just thought it was funny all the effect she was going to and it was not disturbing me one bit)

so she came round banging on the door screaming that is was all my fault she has been reported but it was worth it as she must have disturbed me and made my job harder.

I just looked at her, put my hand to my ear as if I could not hear her, and then said “oh sorry I can’t hear you I have these specially made ear plugs that have been made to fit my ears and I can never here a thing through them. I then took one out to show her. She went bright red and stormed off saying oh I bet you think you are such a clever bitch.

pretty much yep

never heard a peep again and she moved a year later. We now have lovely neighbours who kids play with mine in both our gardens

Crazycatladywithnocats · 23/10/2025 23:12

I have my pet hates when it comes to noise but I’m not bothered about appliances or loo flushing. Those noises are not intended to cause disturbance and it’s not selfish of you to continue making them.

Your NDN is being an arse.