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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend cancelled play date

39 replies

Pearldrop · 21/10/2025 15:04

Because her husband is ‘moody’. My DS was looking forward to going to play at his friend’s house. She messaged me earlier today saying can we cancel because he’s moody.
He has form for this and can quite often be shouty when we’ve been round there.
He's been known to go upstairs in a separate room through the visit, but then occasionally pop out to tell them off about something.

My DS is autistic so last minute changes in plans can result in a meltdown. I’ve got to let him know when I collect him from school soon and I’m worried about his reaction.

AIBU to think her husband is being an arse?

OP posts:
lunar1 · 21/10/2025 15:36

I hope your friend has some support

ohyesido · 21/10/2025 15:35

You should be concerned about your friend

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 21/10/2025 15:34

Considering his unpleasant behaviour on the previous visits to their house then
there must be something particularly bad kicking off with him today if she's gone to the lengths of cancelling.
I don't understand why your first reaction isn't one of concern for your friend and her safety.

TillyTrifle · 21/10/2025 15:32

I wouldn’t be sending my child to that household regardless….i think you’re focussing on the wrong things here!

putthekettleonn · 21/10/2025 15:19

Offer support for your friend. That must be miserable for her, and her poor child.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/10/2025 15:18

In fact, is this reverse? Are you the person with the abusive husband, whose (supposed ) friend is more concerned about a cancelled play date?

arethereanyleftatall · 21/10/2025 15:17

Your poor friend. I’d invite her round to yours instead, and offer her the support she wants.

Rollerful · 21/10/2025 15:14

I sure her husband is an arse, or worse, but your response is odd. Aren't you more worried about your friend than concerned about the cancelled play date?

Yellowe · 21/10/2025 15:13

MassiveBackstory · 21/10/2025 15:06

Aren’t you worried for your friend?

Yes, exactly.

Bushmillsbabe · 21/10/2025 15:11

As others have said, can you have playdate at yours instead. And please check in with your friend that everything OK with her. Is there a specific reason why he is asking them to be quiet, such as he is working from home and on Teams calls etc? My DH works from home and I do tell my girls and their friends to stay downstairs as he works upstairs.

idkbroidk · 21/10/2025 15:10

you should probably be more concerned about your friend having a possibly abusive husband who is trying to isolate her

JustTalkToThem · 21/10/2025 15:07

Why are you just worried about your kiddo and not your friend and her child? A moody, shouty husband that is so bad it requires changing plans?

I'd be focused on helping them than worried about your kid not being able to have a play date.

MassiveBackstory · 21/10/2025 15:06

Aren’t you worried for your friend?

lobsteroll · 21/10/2025 15:05

Can they come to your house instead?