Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Ultrasound childcare

213 replies

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 14:51

Mondays my mom usually looks after my eldest son at my house while I'm working from home, they are both retired but we only ask them for help on one day a week.

She told me that they couldn't do one particular Monday because they had decorators come in for the entire week and both my mom and dad need to be there to move furniture around. I thought it was odd but I said that's fine I'll just work around it however I've now been referred for a growth scan for my second child and they have asked me to come on the first day of my parents decorating.

This was the first appointment available I was able to attend and without thinking I booked it, the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

I asked my parents while I knew they had decorators if just my mom could spare a couple of hours on that day to look after my eldest and they said no because they both need to be there to move furniture around for the decorator I said wouldn't your furniture have been moved the day before, still they declined and creating a drama out of the decorators coming, my last message to them was that my husband would have to miss the scan because we have no other childcare and I'll have to go my own and my own mother has completely ignored it.

I'm so upset about the lack of support here, we don't ask a lot of them compared to a lot of people I know, this is obviously an ad-hoc request but it is on a day they would normally have him anyway if it weren't for the decorators.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:14

noidea69 · 21/10/2025 15:12

This is thread is insane.

How can anyone be thinking that the OP just has to suck it up.

One of the parents not being willing to watch the child, due to helping the decorator, is absolutely mental.

Thank you so much, this is what I'm trying to get my head around. Why they both need to be there all day, Ive asked for two hours as an emergency

OP posts:
Leopardspota · 21/10/2025 15:14

noidea69 · 21/10/2025 15:04

personally any bloke who doesnt want to attend a scan with his wife i would think less of really. Sure he doesnt need to be there for the scan to take place (same way he doesnt need to be there at birth) but he's there to support (imagine if bad news?)

But he could take her and collect, just stay in the waiting room with the other child.

I had all my scans alone with second child. First 12 week one we’d planned to have childcare but our daughter was ill in hospital at the time so my husband stayed with her. 20 week scan he was away with work (I guess I could have changed the date) abd the few growth scans I had didn’t work for childcare so he wasn’t able to come, not because he’s horrid, but it wasn’t practical.

you’re being totally unreasonable as there is no emergency. Your parents aren’t free.

your attitude is terrible and suggest you
think their plans aren’t important as they’re retired. One day a week is a lot of regular childcare. You’re lucky.

SummerInSun · 21/10/2025 15:14

I also agree with you OP that this is weird. I wonder if it’s really decorators or if they are actually going away or similar and didn’t want to tell you in case you felt they couldn’t cancel the original day of childcare for that reason.

Book a babysitter through a reputable agency.

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:13

SummerInSun · 21/10/2025 15:12

I think that’s sort of understandable if you are having a low risk pregnancy and haven’t had traumatic experiences before. But if there is a non-negligible chance that you are going to get worrying news then both parents should be there if at all possible.

And I agree with PP that I wouldn’t think much of a dad who didn’t want to attend those appointments. Everywhere I’ve worked allows men paid time off to attend those sorts of appointments as part of their parental rights policies.

And if you don't have any childcare for your child? Bring them along?

putthekettleonn · 21/10/2025 15:12

I just had to show up to everything with my toddler and tell them I had no other option, I was fleeing DV in an unfamiliar place with zero support.

Your husband can care for your child whilst you have a quick scan.

SummerInSun · 21/10/2025 15:12

Doublechins · 21/10/2025 15:02

My DH never attended any of my growth scans because he was at work. Could you ask your mother to attend the scan with you if your DH is having to stay with your child

I think that’s sort of understandable if you are having a low risk pregnancy and haven’t had traumatic experiences before. But if there is a non-negligible chance that you are going to get worrying news then both parents should be there if at all possible.

And I agree with PP that I wouldn’t think much of a dad who didn’t want to attend those appointments. Everywhere I’ve worked allows men paid time off to attend those sorts of appointments as part of their parental rights policies.

noidea69 · 21/10/2025 15:12

This is thread is insane.

How can anyone be thinking that the OP just has to suck it up.

One of the parents not being willing to watch the child, due to helping the decorator, is absolutely mental.

CoolPlayer · 21/10/2025 15:11

It is rubbish but it is what it is, I went to my 20 week scan alone.. didn’t really want to but sometimes a plan just doesn’t come together x

supersonicginandtonic · 21/10/2025 15:10

Your husband doesn't need to be there at all. I had weekly growth scans with one of mine so it would have been impossible for him to come to them all. He came to the 12 and 20 week but rhat was it.
My last baby was in covid so there really was no option. Put your big girl pants on and go on your own.

Notagain75 · 21/10/2025 15:10

I'm sorry but you are being unreasonable. Your mum gave you a lot of notice that she wouldn't be able to look after your child on that day.

Jellybunny56 · 21/10/2025 15:10

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:09

We've tried our nursery and no availability, I don't feel comfortable at all leaving him with a complete stranger we've never used before 😭

Then he will have to stay with his dad while you go for your scan OP, there isn’t really another option.

You know your parents are not available.

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:10

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:09

We've tried our nursery and no availability, I don't feel comfortable at all leaving him with a complete stranger we've never used before 😭

Am I being thick or is it not obvious to leave them with their dad??

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:09

blossombubblesbuttercup · 21/10/2025 15:08

I get it, I had a lot of growth scans with my second but luckily my first is in school. I think you’ll just have to accept it, they’re obviously not going to change their minds. Take your husband and child with you but just leave them in the waiting room. At least then your husband is there for you immediately after you come out.

This is a good shout and might be our only solution, I'm just so upset about it

OP posts:
Breli · 21/10/2025 15:09

Can your husband wait in the car with your child, then if there is any bad news he can be with you immediately.

It’s probably a good time to sort out some alternative childcare options now before the baby is born. There are a few apps you can use, ask others for recommendations.

We don’t have either grandparents living close for childcare, but we make it work.

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:09

Jellybunny56 · 21/10/2025 15:02

Then you will have to find paid childcare last minute OP.

We've tried our nursery and no availability, I don't feel comfortable at all leaving him with a complete stranger we've never used before 😭

OP posts:
BritishDesiGirl · 21/10/2025 15:08

Go alone, OP. I went to every scan and every appointment for each of my previous 2 pregnancies and now the same for the third one.

blossombubblesbuttercup · 21/10/2025 15:08

I get it, I had a lot of growth scans with my second but luckily my first is in school. I think you’ll just have to accept it, they’re obviously not going to change their minds. Take your husband and child with you but just leave them in the waiting room. At least then your husband is there for you immediately after you come out.

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:07

mixedcereal · 21/10/2025 15:05

Can you drop your child off at your mums so she can be at her own house?

not unreasonable to feel disappointed but a bit of an “it is what it is” moment. Yes you’d like your husband there, but you have another child that can’t go int he scan and no childcare - so you deal with it

We did offer this but they said no, they live in a bungalow so everything out of the rooms being decorated would be in such a small space already, it would be quite difficult for them

OP posts:
NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:07

noidea69 · 21/10/2025 15:04

personally any bloke who doesnt want to attend a scan with his wife i would think less of really. Sure he doesnt need to be there for the scan to take place (same way he doesnt need to be there at birth) but he's there to support (imagine if bad news?)

Well my husband wanted to but no childcare so no choice. She isn't allowed to bring her child to scans I presume so I don't see much choice in the matter.

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:06

noidea69 · 21/10/2025 15:02

Does you're mum know you are having a scan, thats why you want her help?

If she does & she is still prioritising helping the decorator, then thats a pisstake.

What about your in laws?

Yeah she does, my husbands parents both died when he was quite young so we only have my parents in "our village", we have paid childcare but they have no availability on this day

OP posts:
NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:06

Your DH will have to miss the scan. We had the same problem so he missed most of the scans etc. If you need support you could ask one of the hospital staff.

mixedcereal · 21/10/2025 15:05

Can you drop your child off at your mums so she can be at her own house?

not unreasonable to feel disappointed but a bit of an “it is what it is” moment. Yes you’d like your husband there, but you have another child that can’t go int he scan and no childcare - so you deal with it

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:05

Overthebow · 21/10/2025 15:02

You knew she’s unavailable that week to help. You don’t need your DH at the growth scan, it’s perfectly fine to go by yourself and different to the 12 week scan. I had a few in my pregnancies and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring DH.

I completely forgot when I was booking it on the phone, obviously I'm already panicking about the growth scan anyway and it was the first appointment they could give me, my due date is very close so need it before that

OP posts:
noidea69 · 21/10/2025 15:04

Overthebow · 21/10/2025 15:02

You knew she’s unavailable that week to help. You don’t need your DH at the growth scan, it’s perfectly fine to go by yourself and different to the 12 week scan. I had a few in my pregnancies and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring DH.

personally any bloke who doesnt want to attend a scan with his wife i would think less of really. Sure he doesnt need to be there for the scan to take place (same way he doesnt need to be there at birth) but he's there to support (imagine if bad news?)

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:04

Coulddowithanap · 21/10/2025 15:02

Can you take him with you?

My trust don't allow children into the scans unfortunately

OP posts: