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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ultrasound childcare

213 replies

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 14:51

Mondays my mom usually looks after my eldest son at my house while I'm working from home, they are both retired but we only ask them for help on one day a week.

She told me that they couldn't do one particular Monday because they had decorators come in for the entire week and both my mom and dad need to be there to move furniture around. I thought it was odd but I said that's fine I'll just work around it however I've now been referred for a growth scan for my second child and they have asked me to come on the first day of my parents decorating.

This was the first appointment available I was able to attend and without thinking I booked it, the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

I asked my parents while I knew they had decorators if just my mom could spare a couple of hours on that day to look after my eldest and they said no because they both need to be there to move furniture around for the decorator I said wouldn't your furniture have been moved the day before, still they declined and creating a drama out of the decorators coming, my last message to them was that my husband would have to miss the scan because we have no other childcare and I'll have to go my own and my own mother has completely ignored it.

I'm so upset about the lack of support here, we don't ask a lot of them compared to a lot of people I know, this is obviously an ad-hoc request but it is on a day they would normally have him anyway if it weren't for the decorators.

AIBU?

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 21/10/2025 16:09

Sorry OP but that is life with a 2nd child. I'm in hospital with one of our dc at the moment. I would have loved to have had dh with me but we have other dc at home so it isn't possible. Hospital is an hour away from where we live so i can't even ask a friend to sit with him while i escape the hospital for an hour. We were supposed to be going home yesterday evening so i am running out of snacks, underwear and tampons. If we don't go home tonight i will have to make a dash to the shop downstairs but I really don't like leaving him in case he starts vomiting again.

Overthebow · 21/10/2025 16:08

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:46

That's your choice to ask him not to bother though?

Husband wants to be there and I would like him there, I have no issue with them being unavailable I always work around it as I regularly do, it's just quite upsetting to have a decorator prioritised over something as important as this, if you can't understand that you have a severe lack of empathy.

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You are prioritising a weekend away over your scan, your parents are prioritising their decorator who’s already booked in. You say the weekend away it’s important to you, but their commitment is important to them, enough that they gave you notice in advance. Can’t you see it’s the same thing? Quite honestly if you’ve been asked to go to a growth scan I would be prioritising that rather than a weekend away and getting the scan asap, as growth problems could indicate an issue. It’s your choice if you don’t want to but you can’t really then complain that your parents are prioritising something else too.

Irritatedandsad · 21/10/2025 16:08

gamerchick · 21/10/2025 15:53

Ah dude, it sounds as if you're taking them for granted.

Maybe they don't want to do one day a week anymore. You probably should sort something else out

Agree. My parents went from heavily involved in first grandchild ( my siblings child), a little help with my first, to now with 4 grandchildren its pretty much emergency care only and only then if they havent got anything on like lunch with friends, golf, watering the plants, cutting the dogs toenails 😂
I think they just feel like they are getting older and entitled to their own life and time,
they helped out with the first grandchildren a little and now its over to us to deal with the lives we have created for ourselves and the children we produced.

PirateDays · 21/10/2025 16:07

OP, some people are being really horrible on here, try and ignore.

I feel for you and I have a daughter, and if she ever comes to me needing this kind of favour for this kind of reason I would 100% help her. I'm sorry your parents won't help you for this.

PirateDays · 21/10/2025 16:06

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God what a rude comment.

Digdongdoo · 21/10/2025 16:05

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 16:01

It was booked months ago, it's this weekend, baby is due in a couple of weeks so unfortunately we can't move it.

I didn't purposely book a scan for them to move their plans, it was completely out of the blue I needed one and completely forgot about their decorating, that is my fault. I understand this.

I just can't understand why they need to be available for 8 hours to move furniture when someone is decorating already.

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If you won't reschedule your plans, why do you expect your parents to?
Stop sulking and make other arrangements.

Original poster
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 16:05

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What an extremely rude thing to say, of course you're entitled to your opinion but saying having another child is a mistake is absolutely crossing the line.

OP posts:
FancyCatSlave · 21/10/2025 16:03

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Original poster
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 16:01

SeriousShirley · 21/10/2025 15:56

If you were inflexible with dates just because you want a 'special' weekend away, why does your Mum then have to bend her plans?
No, you're not unreasonable to want your husband there, yes you are absolutely unreasonable to be pushing your Mum on this, trying the emotional blackmail, and not respecting how she gave you plenty of notice and you went ahead anyway.
As PP suggested, try a professional agency. If you want your husband there, it's a perfectly good option.

It was booked months ago, it's this weekend, baby is due in a couple of weeks so unfortunately we can't move it.

I didn't purposely book a scan for them to move their plans, it was completely out of the blue I needed one and completely forgot about their decorating, that is my fault. I understand this.

I just can't understand why they need to be available for 8 hours to move furniture when someone is decorating already.

OP posts:
SleeplessIntheOnyxNight · 21/10/2025 16:01

blossombubblesbuttercup · 21/10/2025 15:08

I get it, I had a lot of growth scans with my second but luckily my first is in school. I think you’ll just have to accept it, they’re obviously not going to change their minds. Take your husband and child with you but just leave them in the waiting room. At least then your husband is there for you immediately after you come out.

This is what we did at one of our many scans when our childcare fell through due to a last minute emergency. Not ideal but once the doctor had seen that all was ok she called in DH and DS so that DH could have a Quick look (our trust also don’t allow DC in scans but think the consultant was in a good mood that day).

QuickPeachPoet · 21/10/2025 16:01

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:09

We've tried our nursery and no availability, I don't feel comfortable at all leaving him with a complete stranger we've never used before 😭

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Well something's got to give and it's up to you to sort it.
Take your parents out of the equation - they've said no can do.

Your options are - you go alone and your husband minds DS, you ask one of his nursery friends for a play date, or you pay an agency nanny, or you cancel the appointment. Which is your choice? Going round and round in circles is helping nobody.

SeriousShirley · 21/10/2025 15:56

If you were inflexible with dates just because you want a 'special' weekend away, why does your Mum then have to bend her plans?
No, you're not unreasonable to want your husband there, yes you are absolutely unreasonable to be pushing your Mum on this, trying the emotional blackmail, and not respecting how she gave you plenty of notice and you went ahead anyway.
As PP suggested, try a professional agency. If you want your husband there, it's a perfectly good option.

Coldsoup · 21/10/2025 15:53

That's a bit rotten and I feel for you, but I think it sounds like your parents do an awful lot already.
If you explain to the trust you may be able to get a cancellation on a different (sooner) date ?

gamerchick · 21/10/2025 15:53

Ah dude, it sounds as if you're taking them for granted.

Maybe they don't want to do one day a week anymore. You probably should sort something else out

PirateDays · 21/10/2025 15:51

ACR7 · 21/10/2025 15:27

I know most are saying yabu but I can’t imagine my mam and dad not helping in this scenario. Grandparents obviously don’t have to help but I like think when mine is grown up if I can help her I would. As you’ve mentioned you’ve had trauma in pregnancy before so I can only imagine how anxious the scan might be for you. Hopefully you get it sorted.

I agree, and OP's parents are not both going to be constantly moving furniture all day surely - even if they just set the 3 year old up with some snacks and the TV for a couple of hours they would be helping OP out massively. Under the circumstances, I think they are being really unreasonable and adding stress to an already stressful situation for OP.

Digdongdoo · 21/10/2025 15:51

They've got plans, they gave you plenty of warning. Find a babysitter or leave DS with DH. It's just one of those things, sometimes it can't be helped. Tis the beginning of the juggle with 2DC.

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:50

PirateDays · 21/10/2025 15:49

No, but some commenters here are acting like OP is being ridiculous for wanting her husband there. With her history, I can 100% understand why she feels very anxious about attending alone.

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I totally understand OP having had miscarriages and birth trauma myself but I don't see what other choice she has if her parents won't babysit? I totally get it though.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2025 15:49

All that said, I had a traumatic experience finding out my dd had a serious heart problem in my first pregnancy. She’s fine now (17) but it was awful at the time.

My then husband wasn’t able to come to all of the scans with DS as we were both self employed in busy jobs at the time: it was just one of those things (dd was at school by this time so not childcare reasons, but we don’t live near family anyway).

It’s hard but it is possible.

PirateDays · 21/10/2025 15:49

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:13

And if you don't have any childcare for your child? Bring them along?

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No, but some commenters here are acting like OP is being ridiculous for wanting her husband there. With her history, I can 100% understand why she feels very anxious about attending alone.

Original poster
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:46

Station19 · 21/10/2025 15:39

You sound very entitled OP.

Your parents are welcome to say no to doing childcare whenever they want for whatever reason they want.

You think it’s “odd” your Mum wants to be around for the decorators being in. Maybe she thinks it’s “odd” that your DH wouldn’t just look after your child and you attend the scan alone.

I have four children but no parents able to do any childcare for me.

I had weekly scans in my last pregnancy as it was high risk. DH has a flexible job and could have come with me but I told him not to bother.

You do just need to get on with it I am afraid. The most important thing is you having the scan as soon as possible. Just do that.

That's your choice to ask him not to bother though?

Husband wants to be there and I would like him there, I have no issue with them being unavailable I always work around it as I regularly do, it's just quite upsetting to have a decorator prioritised over something as important as this, if you can't understand that you have a severe lack of empathy.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2025 15:46

Could you not ask a friend to go with you to the scan for support?

I was going to say go alone until I read about the previous experiences but I do get why you want someone there.

Sounds like your husband is most useful looking after his own child though.

Your parents gave lots of notice that they can’t make that particular date. I think they’re entitled to do that without getting push back and “just an hour or so” etc, especially when your husband could be looking after his child.

Irritatedandsad · 21/10/2025 15:44

Just go on your own. It doesnt need two of you to go to a scan.

gallivantsaregood · 21/10/2025 15:44

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:03

My parents said they both need to be there for the decorator to move furniture around which I can't really work out why that would be required

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What about your mum comes with you. DH and wee one go to mum's and help dad move the furniture? Would that work even for a short time?

Alternatively your hubby and wee one go with you, but wait in the waiting room. Not ideal but probably the best option you have at the minute

Original poster
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:43

WilliamBell · 21/10/2025 15:38

This. They do a lot for you. It's a shame they can't be available to help out on this occasion, but I'd focus on being grateful for the help you do have.

I and many others on here could only dream of having grandparent childcare for a day a week, so honestly try and see the positive of that rather than the negative of it not working out for the scan date.

I also don't understand this bit:

the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

If your child is in childcare every other day why weren't any other days viable?

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Yeah that's fair enough you have a good point.

We booked a special weekend away for him as a last thing we're all doing together before everything changes for him.

We wouldn't be able to take him another time and we would lose all the money too, obviously the money isn't important just wanted him to have something special.

This was the only other appointment they offered me.

OP posts:
nellly · 21/10/2025 15:40

You think you ask very little of them but they have your child a whole day a week! You know most people don’t have anywhere near that amount of free childcare right ?!

you’re being unfair, they’ve got one week blocked out and you’re still hassling them to change their plans