Ultrasound childcare

Things can be unfair and no one’s fault

Ask one of your friends- I’m sure they would look after your DS for a few hours.

Just read the whole thread, the constant digs at the your poor parents is unnecessary. You keep saying you want DH there but you won't use a babysitter so you can't have him there.

You are exceptionally lucky to have local parents who do so much for you - something to be really grateful for.

This is how it used to be. Family stuck together, lived close and were on-hand (as much as they could be) to help out. Communities used to be tight-knit. Now they're scattered.

My in-laws are 8 miles up the road. They can always swing by, and often do.

It's quite eye-opening for me to learn this seems to be a rarity now.

I think given your mum and dad have existing plans, then if anyone needs to cancel something, its you and dh

I get wanting dh there. I also get asking mum and dad to have lo whilst you attend, but for whatever reason they have said no, and their reasons are important to them since it sounds like they are normally very supportive and involved in childcare.

Therefore you and dh need to decide which is most important, your weekend away or him being at the scan.

Op is not that people are being unsympathetic, it’s more a case of being realistic.
Also you seem to be prioritising your plans but minimising your DM’s plans.
You must see that that isn’t fair and it is up to you, not your DM, to come up with a solution.
With regards to the text you sent your DM that you’ve not had a response to, what response would you have wanted?

You're giving mixed messages.

On one hand you said the scan was urgent due to timing, the staff were annoyed you couldn't come in earlier, and the situation surrounding needing the scan is causing lots of stress.

But on the other hand you were happy to delay it for personal reasons.

So.. is the scan urgent or routine e.g. just because your last child was low weight?

I think your anger is misplaced.

As an aside having two kids there will be hundreds of issues like this. One child needing hosptial or appointments, or being sick etc. You are exceptionally lucky to have local parents who do so much for you - something to be really grateful for.

But it’s not unfair is it? Her parents (presumably older) have agreed they’ll both be at home to move furniture around and OP was given advance notice.

Op it’s fine to be miffed that they are being so inflexible. I’m guessing the decorating is anxiety inducing for them, they have a plan and feel they need to stick to it when in reality of course they don’t need to both be there.
Also one day a week child care is fantastic and it’s wonderful they want to do that for you but your by no means taking the piss with one day a week. It’s great but they are are not being put upon.
i think unfortunately this is one of those times you have to suck it up it’s unfair but there’s nothing you can do. Your dh could drop you off and collect you. At least you had a scan two weeks ago and all was well. I don’t know if you have had other extra scans but I found they were more abrupt than the 12 and 18 weeks.

Honestly, I don’t understand this need for men to attend every scan or appointment. Especially when you already have a child. Your child should be your priority and that means your DH looking after them and you going alone. I really do think less of somebody asking all around the houses for childcare for a medical appointment that you are perfectly able to attend alone.

People are just being realistic. I have 100% been in this situation, in fact I had a c section alone as it was an emergency and we couldn’t get childcare quickly. It wasn’t the best but it is life and you have to deal with what it throws at you

OP, in the kindest way possibly, I absolutely promise you most of us have been in a situation like this. It's just life with multiple kids. You just manage as best you can, and make the compromises you need to.
I appreciate that you are upset but you need to channel that energy into a solution, not burning bridges.

Of course it’s stressful and it’s a rubbish situation for you.

but you really understate what your mum does for you - nursery isn’t cheap and you get a days free childcare a week! That’s a lot. She’s told you she can’t do that week, you’ve belittled her reasoning and then started to kick off, when she’s already told you why she can’t do it.

you can either go alone, ask a friend to come with you while DH stays with your son, or ask a friend to stay with your son so DH can go with you.

DH doesn't need to go. He can stay with your oldest, simple.

If any staff at your nursery have a day off, you could see if they would offer a babysitting shift at your house. We did this a couple of times...it was quite pricey but worth it as our DD was familiar with the staff and we felt more comfortable.

At absolute desperate measures- you can take your child to your scan with you

Yabvu.

A growth scan was needed and they clearly wanted it done ASAP. That should have been your priority. The break away could have been rearranged or delayed.

I had an emergency growth scan with my first baby and had to go myself. I called oh straight away. Then it was weekly scans for the rest of pregnancy and I went to the majority myself. Not ideal but I absolutley wouldnt have wanted to wait until we were both free.

You seem overly anxious about your son and what will happen when new baby arrives. Maybe have a chat with the mental health team for a bit of support.

I’ve had six growth scans across two pregnancies, plus the twelve and twenty week scans. My husband came to two of the ten scans. Unfortunately he’d had to take quite a lot of time off work for three rounds of IVF, a couple of surgeries and a previous missed miscarriage (which was discovered at a scan) so, for the pregnancy scans, I usually went on my own. We did also have a couple of private scans in the evening which he could attend. Obviously it would have been great if he could have attended all scans but, like many people, it wasn’t feasible for us.

No it’s not unreasonable to have other commitments is it, so it’s not unreasonable for your parents to have other commitments (that they’ve already told you about in advance).

Exactly. Its not unreasonable to have other commitments. Same goes for them.

It seems you are overly focused on whether your parents' reason is worthy in your eyes.

Your parents have some reason why they both want to be available at their house for a full week. It doesn't really matter what the reason is. It is an exception in the routine you confirmed.

Now you are declaring "an emergency" because you've forgotten about the arrangement and had other planson the other days. And you want them to be the only one inconvenienced by that, even when there are other solutions.

Could you ask the nursery to put you on a waiting list for that day? Maybe someone will drop off.

I think you are a bit unfair to your parents - there are two of you so you can easily manage. As someone adviced your DH and your child could wait for you outside so you would be on your own only for a bit. It’s not 100% ideal but not so bad.
You sound quite emotional about this simple situation but seeing it as a big thing actually makes it much bigger than it is so makes it worse for yourself.
I personally think moving furniture in a small bungalow and decorators coming in is actually much more stressful situation.

But you could have attended it if you changed your plans for your weekend away.
You booked the appt without checking you had childcare available, again that is nobody else’s fault bar yours.