Mortgage free but DH wont let me give up work

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable .
If you’re working full time , have 2 small children and you’re doing everything in the house + doing everything related to the children then no wonder you’re exhausted.
Everything needs to be split equally or outsourced.
You could cut your work hours or stop working till the children are a bit older

Do some sums based on going part-time and dropping paid child-care. That might work?

Yep! 42% of marriages end in divorce.

@Needspaceforlego It's unfortunate that so many don't have the option of going part time due to those reasons. That's a bit different to what I was saying though.

But she does NEED to support herself financially, and do her part to support her family financially. The husband hasn't agreed to be the sole income.

She needs to evaluate her household, see what can be cut to save time and effort, and then make sure he carries his weight domestically. Putting the family on a more precarious financial footing is not the answer.

Declutter so that tidying and cleaning is easier, have less ambitious meals, cut kids' activities, eliminate frills like birthday parties, or whatever else causes so much stress. Just lead a basic life until the children are older.

You are Not being unreasonable, if he is fortunate enough to earn a decent salary and you don’t NEED to work, why break your neck doing it. Children are a lot of work and it is exhausting.. I hate to say it but I would think a lot of the people commenting that you are being unreasonable, are people that couldn’t afford to give up work or their partners wouldn’t let them either and it’s probably jealousy. I personally wouldn’t be with a man that had the opinion that I HAD to work.. my work is the home and my beautiful children (while they are young at least).

Did you have more help when you were raising the children across two different households?

This exactly. It's like a crime now to want to raise your own kids. No wonder so many kids have poor mental health. We should all work to live, not live to work. The OP is the main caregiver and most kids benefit enormously from having an engaged mum at home.

Can you work part time if you’re doing the bulk of the childcare? Assuming you are because you’re so shattered

Honestly op never make yourself vulnerable but giving up work. Maybe reduce the days you work but your dh could do the same too.

So unnecessary 😒

I can't believe so many people are saying you're unreasonable! Children are only small for such a short time and there's literally no substitute for having a parent at home. It'd be different if you had big bills but you don't. We have a small mortgage so I work part time and do most of the childcare / house work etc. My husband has told me lots of times he wouldn't mind me giving up work but I like keeping my foot in the door. Would this be an option for you? Modern living is a race to the bottom... People are actually shaming you for wanting to be a SAHM it's nuts. If you do end up going part time or SAHM just make sure he has some time to himself at the weekend and he'll be delighted

This

your husband seems like he thinks the only reason the house is owned is because of him… did you not pay the mortgage too?
100% make sure you have a good pension and savings for yourself
From experience I would recommend keeping your independence.
Does your husband pay half the childcare?

YANBU - you have very young children who you have every right to want to spend more time with than keep on earning money you don’t want or need. You’ve got the right priorities and values.

100%

I think it was a perfectly reasonable suggestion, especially since he doesn't seem to share the load with looking after the kids. If they're still preschool age, there's plenty of time to get another job in a few years time, once they're a bit more independent. It's rubbish of him to expect you to work fulltime and do everything with the kids and the house when you're in a comfortable financial position.

Could you drop down to 80%? Give you some breathing space but still working.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to not work or go part time when your children are young. Both of you working full time when your children are so young is a bit much when you’re mortgage free and doing well financially. Doesn’t he want his children to have at least one parent around to take care of them. You’re provably exhausted too - especially if a lot of the extra household work and admin falls on you, which given you’re female it normally does.

Maybe he would be happy for you to go part time and reduce the children's hours at nursery , so you can spend time with them.

He basically thinks his job is more important than yours - despite you both being full time. Hence he expects you to pick up all the slack at home too. Which is quite unpleasant of him.

You’re going to get roasted here. I think the problem is that you both work full time and then you probably do all the childcare and household workload as well. Maybe you could suggest part time hours to give you time to do the bulk of the household duties. Or, suggest if your OH wants you to continue to work full time you devide up the housework and childcare evenly and see what he answers to that. I think he reconsider you working full time.

Are you OK? I'm sure I read a similar angry reply from you on another thread ....

If you’re both working full time then all the share of housework/children should be split fairly. If he’s not doing his fair share and is leaving it all down to you then I don’t necessarily think it’s bad that you want to be a SAHM since you’re doing everything anyway.

You’re both right. Little people are exhausting but I agree you need the financial security of two incomes as little people are also expensive. Make sure DH is carrying his weight with child care. Hire help if you haven’t already.

I don’t think you should give up work, but perhaps this is an opportunity to find a job you enjoy more (and you could take a wage cut to do this, since your outgoings are better than most with the lack of mortgage). I’m saying this on the assumption you don’t enjoy your current job because you want to give it up!