Mortgage free but DH wont let me give up work

Apparently that. Whilst furthering his career - probably having a lovely work/ life balance and pursuing hobbies.

Meanwhile the OP is running herself ragged working full time and doing everything at home (with 2 very small children) and everything that goes with the kids. Yay equality!

Go part time? Otherwise all the gains you’ve made will be lost effectively on you not working for next 10 years or whatever. Plus think if your pension and kids only get more expensive as time goes on

If you give up work surely it will save money on nursery and then out of school and holiday care once they're at school? Have you mentioned that to him? I think you should tell him that if you stay in work he needs to start doing 50 percent of everything to do with the kids, no wonder you're exhausted when he isn't doing his fair share.

Well said I agree. I was fortunate enough to be able to raise my kids until a certain age. My husband was the main breadwinner and was totally on board. Maybe if you stay at home until the youngest starts school.

At least in the 50s the rules and separation of responsibilities were clear

now we are expected to have a handle on everything including working at the altar of a man who high paying job and investments means a mortgage is paid off - not only that the children are expected to handle nursery etc as well

Not his right to do nothing at home when they both work full time. Or do people on here think the higher earner gets a free pass to do nothing at home?

Or maybe he could pull his weight more.

Because her husband doesn’t want to financially support an able adult partner. As is his right.

As usual there's a very noisy minority.

Lots of people are saying get a cleaner.
Why can't she just stay home?
Saves on cleaner and child care?
Money saved is like money earned right?
And no more worrying about who needs to be home if kids are ill, who's gunna take them if they need doctors.
Pretty sure OP had to do that anyway!

She did leave it saying she was going to push him to do more kids stuff, so she'd definitely taken it on board that the division of labour was unfair.

Whether she succeeds is anyone's guess.

I hope they do find a better balance

Eventually but the first page is quite disparaging. She says she’s exhausted working full time and doing all the kids stuff. The posts are very pro the DH when it’s clear he is the problem. He is where he is in his career because she picks up all the slack at home. That’s why she’s exhausted. You have a pile on saying she’s unreasonable. She accepts she is and disappears.

She probably hasn’t seen the rest of the thread and is now resigned to working full time and still doing most things at home. Brilliant- well done Mumsnet. The DH is happy!

those posts didn't say she should do everything at home though. I think posters quite unanimously agree their domestic workload sharing is not fair. First post also didn't mention that aspect.

Come on OP, surely you must know you’re being ridiculous and very unfair on your husband. Why should you get to give up work just because you’re mortgage free? The kids will be at school soon so it’ll be easier. Why can’t you just stay in work and use the ‘mortgage money’ to pay for a cleaner/gardener/window cleaner etc. It will take the pressure off a bit without your husband having to worry about being the sole breadwinner.

This post.

So many - basically all the first page of replies are basically a pile on to the OP. Saying she’s being completely unreasonable.

So it’s fine for the woman to do everything at home and work full time whilst the poor man works but doesn’t do his fair share at home. Of course his career is more successful! Why do we think that is???

This post

This post.

Can you refer us to which posts suggested that she should stay in FT work and do everything at home?

This is incorrect.
The term gold digger [usually a woman] refers to someone who is with someone for their money and wants gifts and presents from said person and not work themselves.
OP is not a gold digger but neither is her h. They currently both work and therefore aren't gold diggers.

I hope OP didn’t read the first few unhelpful ‘stay in full time work and do everything at home you lazy cow whilst your DH gets to focus on his oh so important job’ and left the thread. I can’t believe those replies. Talk about setting women back!

Haven’t RTFT and assume it’s been mentioned but is going part time (4 or 3 days) not an option so you can spend quality time with d.c and get on top of some chores whilst dc are playing/napping?. With reduction in childcare and tax potentially it may not make a huge difference to your salary

You pay may be small in your eyes, but you are also ensuring your state pension contributions. You may be credited for the years of child rearing, but you will need a minimum contribution total to qualify.

If you are not already saving for a private pension and you do not need the money you earn (or the net amount after expenses) you can put most of it into a private pension scheme for yourself.

@ChristmasSpirit99 id drop to 2/3 days .
I would def tell him you need to sit and sort out everything 50/50 until you drop your days.

If he doesn’t step up then you have good cause to do the kids and home full time and he works outside the home full time. .

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable- your kids are only young once and if you can afford to have some extra days with them why wouldn’t you? Then a couple of days for yourself (and do to the domestic stuff!) overall you may all be happier. You can go back to work when they’re older. I’m part time 0.5FTE and it works perfectly as a balance. We could have a nicer house if I was full time but we are happy. Just because it isn’t paid housework/mothering is a job too! And it sounds like he’s got lucky having you doing most of the chores and working. He’s only managing his high paid job and being a parent because you’re picking up the slack- you have contributed to the financial success of the family too. We see our family as a team! Another option is him dropping a day of work to spend with kids or housework and you going part time. I actually can’t believe some of these replies.

I'd push for working part time, especially if you're doing the lion's share of childcare and home management.