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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mortgage free but DH wont let me give up work

538 replies

ChristmasSpirit99 · 21/10/2025 13:36

Hi all,
Just looking for advice. We are very fortunate to recently become mortgage free, due to a mix of my husbands savings, stocks & wage. We both work full time & are older parents… we have 2.5 & 3.5 year olds who are at nursery. Im generally shattered working full time & looking after kids when we have them, I asked my husband if I could give up work as we dont really need my salary. He got extremely annoyed & said absolutely not, the spare cash is needed for major works on the house & the kids futures. It was only due to his hard work that we’re here. Im just annoyed & disappointed, what do you think? Is he right? Xx

OP posts:
NellieElephantine · 21/10/2025 13:50

Give up work permanently? Has your salary always been small?

Loveduppenguin · 21/10/2025 13:50

YABU, why not offer the suggestion of both of you dropping one day each instead?

HeyThereDelila · 21/10/2025 13:48

YABU. Why should you get to give up work when he doesn’t?

Ask to go part time at work or look for a lower stress job instead. You still need to pay half the bills and provide for your DC and pension.

Original poster
ChristmasSpirit99 · 21/10/2025 13:48

Thanks all, really appreciate your comments. No, I was hoping to give up work & my husband keep working. Its only because my salary is so small & his isnt that I would expect it that way. I do the lionshare of the kids stuff but Im permanently exhausted hence I wanted a few days to myself (selfish I know) & take them out of pre-school for a couple of days. x

OP posts:
IvedoneitagainhaventI · 21/10/2025 13:45

So you are both working full time.

Does your H also do his share of parenting the children/ housework / etc .
Or does he expect you to work full time and do everything else as well?

randomchap · 21/10/2025 13:43

Do not give up your financial independence

Build your savings
Invest in a pension

You might not be married forever

Instructions · 21/10/2025 13:43

But how will you and your husband live and support your children if you both give up work?

SprayWhiteDung · 21/10/2025 13:41

We don't know how much of a buffer zone you have ongoing - and what savings you have/are able to make for future large contingencies and to give your children a really good start in life with driving/cars/university/weddings/houses etc.

Surely it doesn't have to be all or nothing: either work full-time or don't work at all? Could you drop a day or two?

imisscashmere · 21/10/2025 13:41

When you spoke to him, did you explain what you would do during the time you’re currently working?

NellieElephantine · 21/10/2025 13:40

Is the plan to give up work, pull them out of nursery till they start free hours, then go back once free hours and school?

Jellybunny56 · 21/10/2025 13:40

Well yeah, he is right. How do you propose paying your % of things, and providing for your children (because they will always need something as they get older especially), if you don’t have an income?

You’re allowed to be disappointed but he’s completely within his rights here.

HoskinsChoice · 21/10/2025 13:39

Oh look another deliberately rage clicky thread. Yes you're unreasonable. Yes you're embarrassing. Yes you're entitled. Is that what you're looking for?

Overthebow · 21/10/2025 13:39

If you gave up work would’ve also have the option to give up work? It sounds as if you have different views on what you want your finances should look like, but it wouldn’t really be fair if you gave up work and he couldn’t, and he couldn’t have the family finances he wants either. He’s prioritising your kids futures which is sensible. Maybe a compromise would go down better, could you drop a day at work and do 4 days a week instead of 5?

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