Mortgage free but DH wont let me give up work

and DH can say no to financing OPs choice.

My rationale for saying op should not give up work entirel, but rather drop to part time, is because I wouldn't want to be financially dependent on any man, but certainly wouldn't want to be financially dependent on a man like ops husband

No, you are not selfish. Spending day times with your children is the best thing you can do rather putting them in nursery’s etc every day.
You won’t get this time back. And the benifits in most cases of kids having their mum when small is immeasurable (for both mum and child) despite what working mums will have you believe.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that as a mother, working and letting someone else look after, teach and spend time all day with your child (whilst you spend the tail and stressful end of the day both tired and exhausted with them) is normal.
Its not. Having a child, and looking after them until they are old enough to look after themselves is normal. Sadly society currently pushes exactly the opposite via capitalism. Extremely sad in my opinion when mums of younger kids in particular are prevented from actually looking after their own kids.
So no, you are not unreasonable at all.

I think you should work part time and have a couple of days with the kids. This won’t be less exhausting at all! Unless you have a very manual labour stressful job. But what you earn on the 4/5th day of the week will be swallowed up by nursery fees and this time when your kids is little is so precious. I only work 3.5 days compressed into 3. It’s tough but my funded childcare only covers two days. If I worked full time the extra two days a week at nursery would cancel out the extra £1000 I’d make a month (70k salary fte) so I’d be sticking my child in nursery instead of enjoying his childhood and making magical memories for him for no reason at all.
I would crunch the numbers and go back to husband showing nursery savings and the benefits of time with their parent during these early years

You are not being selfish OP
Could you consider part time work?

I can't believe the replies. You are working full-time and also doing all the childcare. I only had one child and at the pre-school age it was full on - you have two pre-school age children! With no mortgage you could take the kids out of nursery and look after them yourself while your husband goes out to work and take on all the housework.

Your contribution will be massive and frankly I can't believe here comparing it to their husband sitting on his arse or doing hobbies.

My husband was delighted we could afford for me to be at home with our child.

Fucking hell!

I would definitely make sure you always have an independent income.

But surely there's a compromise where you work part time? Or both of you drop to 4 days a week?

Try getting your DH to do half of caring for kids and dropping off to nursery first. Then you would be less exhausted. Once he's realised how tired you get suggest you drop one day a week and would offer to go back to doing more for DC. You do still need to pay half towards your DC needs surely you wouldn't want to leave the full pressure of providing to your DH.

sounds as though he needs to do his share of the housework and kid wrangling.

Why not suggest each of you go down to 4 days? pick different days so you can reduce childcare costs.

Suggest that you drop two days, and he drops one, giving you more time to do housework etc, and more time to relax as a family. It’s not fair if you work full time AND pick up ALL the housework/ childcare as well.

Well, that's my point. It's up to the couple to work it out between them, and her husband isn't on board. It's fine for her to be disappointed, but she can't just demand that he goes along with it.

It's perfectly reasonable to want to give up work in order to spend more time with your children, or indeed, to spend time doing anything the heck you like, but it isn't reasonable to make that decision unilaterally while expecting someone else to fund your choices.

If the H decided that, as a parent, he wanted to spend more time with his children, and that the whole family would have to accept a less comfortable lifestyle and greater financial insecurity in order to facilitate his choice, would you feel that she was being unreasonable to say that she didn't want this?

Or maybe just drop to part time instead of being a martyr? Can sense there is more to this here..

What a bizarrely patronising and misogynist take on reducing working hours when the children are small. Opting out of financial responsibility is nothing to do with it nor is feels. Opting into childcare is a perfectly normal thing for a parent to want to do and it’s sad that misogyny has messed with women’s heads so that they can’t see that.

Anyone who is a parent has the right to say they would like to spend more time with the kids when they’re small. It’s between the couple to work out if that’s viable for them.

I think this is key; it's not reasonable for him to expect you to take on more of the house / child stuff and also work full time. Could you drop a day of work and use that time to get some chores done so you both have a nicer weekend?

100% agree with this.
Yet another sexist man who thinks he deserves a free slave who actually pays him for the privilege ‘coz 50/50’.

Some people spot a thread title that makes them really want to have a go at an OP I think, and barely read it before diving in.

My first sentence should say "working as a team" ....

So stand up for yourself and TELL him he needs to so 50% of the childcare as you both work the same time.

Chores and childcare is based on hours worked, not salary.

It does not seem as though you arecworkibg as actual here.
My children are now grown up, but we worked together to take account of the needs of every family member.
Both professionals, my OH was working full time and I was working part time. We had 3 DC. His job became very stressful and we agreed he would reduce his hours, I would up mine and we would downsize to wipe out mortgage. A big step that we discussed with the children even the smallest one. They were all in board with it even though it meant sacrifices for us all.
Some years later I had the opportunity to retrain and do what I had always wanted to and he backed me up in this even though once again we were looking at a drop jn income.
Basically we worked as a team with the aim of quality of life rather than accumulating lots of dosh.
Our AC have always said that they did not miss out and gained from being part of a family that was pulling together, making compromises between everyone's needs.
Could you not work part time?

@Londonmummy66 totally agree with this perspective on situation, if not then be a sahm, nothing wrong in bringing up your own children 24/7 in my opinion.

I did. You seem to have missed my emphasis. You said as her DH doesn’t disagree so she has to come up with a comprise - my point was that he does not hold the definitive veto and he can come up with a compromise himself.

Or yes, your DH needs to do more of the child care.

OP it was crazy to pay off the mortgage when you need funds for repairs to the house, holidays etc. If your DH is a high earner then why doesn't he have a financial advisor? There are many better ways to make your money work for you than paying off the mortgage.

Going back to your question, yes, why not reduce your days to 4 or even 3 while the children are small. But I wouldn't recommend giving up work entirely.

why don't you both go part time and spend more time with the children.

Ye, it’s a shame the wrong posters respond to a thread first.

Try reading my comment, it isn’t very long. I have suggested that the compromise on days and that she works part time.