To give money to dd who is buying a house , but to delay same to ds for reasons as below…

Let him have the money now and he can start putting it into an LISA over the next 3 years and have a decent amount for when he is ready. If he doesnt do that then that's entirely up to him. Also I think some times if you think you are never going to be able to buy a house its best to just stop thinking and trying but if he knew he had 10k as a jump start it might change his mind.

If money is for a deposit then it's only fair it's spent on that, so tell him you're keeping it until he's ready to buy a property.

I am retired and If I only had £50000 in savings I definitely wouldn’t be giving away £20000 of it. That money may have to last you 30 years.

I think you give them both £10k now on the understanding that’s all they can have . Your son has a good job and life’s passions he’s not exactly a lazy person , great job great passions , fantastic id say . Tbh 10.k is not an earth shattering sum and will only be a token gesture as far as contribution to a house purchase , so I think you’re overthinking things .

He's 28. Give him the money on the condition he gets good advice over how to manage it - either introduce him to your financial advisor if you have one, or make it a condition that he needs to book a financial advice session with his bank. Then give him the money and he can invest it as he wants to, and decide whether to use it as spark money for savings on a deposit or something else. But I think he needs to have accessed proper, independent advice, so that he's aware of his options and how to maximise the gift.

Once you've given it to him, then let it go. Trust that if you've done a good job raising him (and it sounds like you have!) he'll use the money well on things that matter to him, regardless of whether those would be the choices you would make....

It's pretty simple: he'll get a similar amount towards his house purchase when he wants to take that step.

Anu child would understand that.

I'd give it him now making clear you are giving them both 10k now. Which dd is using for a deposit. Say its up to DS what he uses it for but you wont be able to seperately fund a deposit in future so if he thinks he may one day want to purchse he needs to bear that in mind. You are best to give it now to avoud deprivation of assets issues.

I think it’s totally fine to say this money is there for you when you want to buy a property. That’s what it was given to your DD for.
I don’t know if it’s possible but you might try and do something with your wills so that he receives that little bit extra when you are gone.
You can revisit the idea in a few years if he still doesn’t look like he wants to buy property.

sorry @Ginandbitterlemons

I voted YABU cos you are making a mountain out of a molehill

tell your son that you have given your daughter 10k towards her deposit, and that you have ringfenced the same amount for him for the same reason

in the meantime- (presuming UK) stick it in a premium bins and try and get some cheques from Ernie whilst it’s stewing

keep some form of record or documentation of this so that if it comes up in the future where you need care fees and you transfer this money to your son they can’t accuse you of asset deprivation

really quite simple and no need to overthink it

I was in this exact situation. I gave DS “his” £10k to support himself through his Masters. DD is three years older and knows the same amount is set aside for her.

However, she knows it will only be given for specific reasons. Some of you might disagree with these but it’s my money so my rules 😄.

Deposit for property
Masters
Supporting extended maternity leave
Supporting extended travel (not a holiday, more like a year in Paris kind of thing)

I absolutely would not gift it towards a wedding (total waste of money) or decorating or a dozen other random things people might come up with.

She is really happy with that, and I suspect she will be asking for it in the next year as she’s set to buy a place with her DP.

No I wouldn't give it to him.

Maybe do let him know you are helping out DD but that he will be helped in future.

My SIL was helped out by my ILs to buy her first house. Due to different circumstances we have not. DH does not know what they gave SIL and it's not his business.

And if he doesn't want to ? Honestly the obsession with house buying on here is untrue

My PIL lent BIL money for his house deposit and car. Lent us money for a car. We paid them back, BIL didn't. They have something written into their wills that BIL owes them money so dh gets more inheritance.

I'm sure I'll be in a minority, but I dont like this feeling that gifts of money come with value judgements. You might view travelling as "frittering" but its important to your son.

Me and my brother were lucky to receive some financial gifts from our parents at points. Whenever one was given £X, so was the other. Some people will just have different life events, which might not include the typical marriage/house purchase. Does that mean they are too frivolous and so shouldn't get a gift?

This is what I plan to do. And what my parents did for my siblings and I.

Does he see himself buying a house in the future, now he is a little older and in a good job etc? I'd chat to him about that first before chatting about the 10K.

It might give you a better idea of his future plans.

Options:

1. Give £10k now to both and they can spend it on what they want

2. Give £10k to dd now and keep £10k for DS for when he buys a house

Both mine and DHs parents did option 2. We were the first of our siblings to receive the money but we had a chat with our other siblings at the time and they understood.

My siblings and I all received a lump sum towards a house. We are not all the same age and we didn’t hit milestones at the same time. My brother and sister received their lump sum at a similar time, I was about 6 years later. I wasn’t resentful, I knew that when I was in a position to buy I would receive the money and that it was a gift towards a house - it was never a gift for the sake of giving us money or being “fair”.

I think if DS knows that the money is there for him and that it’s to go towards a house, he can have the freedom of deciding when the time is right for him.

I was just going to post the same thing as the poster above @Ginandbitterlemons. Plus, the Tax implications you mentioned in your pp will still be there, until it goes into his own account

Don't allow DS to fritter your hard earned savings on travel.

State simply that, when he is ready to buy a property, you have set aside 10000 savings for him to add to his deposit.
Ask him to seek financial advice from his bank.

Saying that, alone, might encourage him to see purchasing a house in his future.

A gift with strings attached is not a gift, especially when we are talking about adults rather than say 18 year olds with little life experience.

If you have 10k to give to each of your children, to say they can only spend it on something you approve of is not cool and it's certainly not equal.

Property ownership is not something that everyone aspires to, and for some travelling is just as worthwhile or valuable an experience compared to just knocking a bit of money off a mortgage.

As someone else has said, the value of that £10k is already decreasing as a result of inflation. If he is ready to buy a house in 10 years would you give him the same £10k, which would be worth far less to him than it is to your daughter, or would you give him a larger amount to reflect the impact of inflation? And if you did give him more, be prepared to explain why to your daughter (who may just focus on the larger figure and feel hard done by).

I think personally I would give him the money now to avoid those questions, but make it clear that this is a one off gift that you hope will help him with a deposit (and perhaps suggest that if he think carefully about where to put it until he needs it).

If he's on a head of year salary and is single surely he has enough money to travel anyway.

You are of course treating your children unequally. They may aspire to different things in life. One may aspire to a house, the other to rent and spend the money on other things. Choosing to treat them differently is of course judging them and their lifestyle, and only providing funding to the one who does things you approve of.

If you are happy with that then fine. If not, I would give him the money, but make it clear to him that if he needs money for a house there will be no more. Then he can make his own choice whether to save it or spend it and live with the consequences, which is what being an adult is all about.

Also - at the moment, your ds sounds as though he's more secure financially than dd.