To give money to dd who is buying a house , but to delay same to ds for reasons as below…

My parents said they'd give each of us siblings the same amount for either a house purchase or wedding. I took it for house, 1 siblings did wedding and 1 did half and half. At the end of the day it's your money, you're entitled to restrict what it's spent on if you want.

I was going to say just don't mention it and see what he gets up to over the next 5/10 years but given your update I think it's fine to either say you'll give him £10k only to use as a deposit if and when he buys a house but if he never does he'll get it in your will.

Or that you'll give him the £10k now to spend on whatever he wants and accept it might not be what you'd do with it BUT if you do this you have to do the same for dd - if she only wants to put £5k towards her house and the rest on a holiday no comment from you.

It wouldn't be fair to give her £10k with strict restrictions on what she could spend it on and him £10k to do whatever with.

It’s not equal though. DD had money for a deposit, not fun money. She might then say that hers came with implied restrictions.

Also if anyone is going to fritter it away, maybe the OP could do with some fun money!

Put it in an account as and when a deposit is needed. Make it clear that’s what it’s for. End of.

I think you should just give him the 10k then it’s equal and done and dusted. If he doesn’t use it towards a house deposit then that’s on him. I’d be more concerned about treating both children the same and not looking like you’re playing favourites or giving money with strings attached.

Tricky.

I don’t think there’s an exact right or wrong answer.

But I do think, for reasons of fairness, if one gets a significant gift of money to one adult child, one should probably do it for the other, unless there is some big difference in their income or personal circumstances …

But as you say, OP, you could talk to him about this. However, you can’t really say he has to buy a property with it either. Personally, I don’t think travelling is irresponsible myself, he sounds like he is a serious person with a good job.. But I can understand your view as well. Maybe you could ask him if he needs some money for a car, or use the money to buy some premium bonds to have as savings for his future? Then let it go and leave it up to him?

It’s not a lot in the grand scheme of things especially as it sounds like he’s not actually saving for a property atm. You need a lot of £10ks just to get on the property ladder- my point it is won’t make a diff property wise to him by the sounds of it. He will get more out of being able to spend it how he would choose to.

We are older parents - dh 66 me 61

You had your son at 33, is that an old parent?

I know a fair few people who have bought properties under £100,000 with a deposit of less than £10k.

It's really not. This website has a detailed breakdown of average deposits by region
https://www.unbiased.co.uk/discover/mortgages-property/buying-a-home/average-first-time-buyer-deposit

A FTB will need to put down 5-10% of the property price as a deposit. As well as paying the various fees, which will be at least £1000 and can go north of £5000. So 10k isn't going to touch the sides for most purchases in most places....

@PrissyGalore what savings people have doesn’t relate to house deposits though. Those with low savings might already have a house! That’s why they don’t have savings.

It is to a lot of people. See the average savings in the UK.

With only £50,000 in savings, I’d give each £5,000 and not worry what they do with it.

I’ve given my son money to help with the deposit-I haven’t given it to my dd but have told her I’ll give her the same when she wants to buy a place. No fuss, no drama, just acceptance. Travelling is great but they find that themselves. Just tell him that is what you want to do.

£10k is a lot of money and for many it most certainly is the difference between renting and owning.

Not your question but if DS is 28 and you are 61 I don’t see how you’re ‘older parents’.

As it happens my parents gave money for weddings and then other siblings who weren’t in a relationship wanted their ‘wedding money’ so they got cars. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Speak to both your DC, it’s a lovely thing to be able to help them.

I was going to say wait until he’s ready to buy a house, but having seen your ages, I’d give it to him now tbh.

None of us know what’s around the corner health wise and if he doesn’t buy for several years, you’ll be in your 70’s. Plus, as others have said, £10K will be worth less then. Just make it clear that it’s a one-off and you’ve not expecting it to be frittered. If he decides to spend it, he won’t be getting anymore!

Why the "need for caution" ?

Once you've given it away you've given it away and you have no choice on how it is spent or even clawing it back. There is nothing to stop the daughter selling the house in the future and using the money for whatever she wants.

If it is a big proportion of the savings then they shouldn't be giving it in the first place.

@Hons123 Via a solicitor? How much will that cost? Honestly parents controlling adult dc is not possible. Where his deposit coming from? £10,000 is not enough? What’s wrong with this teacher travelling? What if he doesn’t buy a house for 10 years? The money devalues! It should just be given!

Just give him the money, he's an adult he should be able to understand this is a one off. Your DD gets to spend hers how she wants, he should be allowed to do what he wants.

Give it to him for his first house, when he buys it, but do it officially, via a solicitor - i.e. if something happens to you before you give it to him, he won't fall out with his sister, i.e. that the 10K would be given to him before everything else is divided up between the two of them.

surely a great time to put it into a help to buy ISA is he's eligible?

Not meaning to sound awful but £10k isn’t really a lot of money. So even for a house it’s just not a lot and won’t be make or break as to whether he can buy a house. Travel isn’t frivolous if that’s what he enjoys doing.’

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, my parents gave my younger sister a significant sum towards her first house years before I got mine. They did exactly the same for me. You are allowed to give them money for one purpose alone as long as you’re clear about that fact. I got married and my parents gave me some money for that too, my sister hasn’t yet so she hasn’t got the money! I have a son, they give him money - her cats don’t get the same money. You get my drift.

If you are not going to give him the money now I would invest it to try and mitigate inflation erosion.