Am I right to think people with easy babies have no idea!

DC1 was a dream, DC2 was a fussy, clingy, sad little thing (diagnosed with CMPA at 11 months) and DC3 was born with a rare genetic condition diagnosed at about 2 weeks old so was in NICU, had an NG feeding tube for the first year, had lots and lots and lots of additional appointments / paperwork / medical interventions that we didn't have with the first two DC.

DC3 was / is also globally delayed, didn't cry at all [which sounds like a blessing especially as we had already had a crier but it wasn't. We wanted DC3 to cry!!] and basically did nothing much for their first 6 months. Yet I was pumping every 3 hours day and night as they required tube feeding every few hours etc.

I have had the whole spectrum of experiences with my 3!

I could totally have written this at 3/4 months! He was just constantly pooing and crying, such an unhappy little man and I never enjoyed taking him anywhere. So much sympathy! But then by 6 months DS turned into the loveliest happiest most chilled out baby, he is the envy of my antenatal class pals. So you never know what’s coming, sending strength 💪

Yes, but they aren't aware of the difficulties a velcro DC brings.
My DD was the best baby, she fed very little, never fussed, never cried, her health nurse was concerned as she hadn't cried by 12 weeks.
6 years later, DS was born, he cried non stop the first night on the ward, never stopped, he had to be held all the time, had to be rocked, I couldn't wee, I felt terrible because I wasn't able to help or bond with him.
I'm still a bit traumatised 10 years later. He is still a difficult DC, very negative and demanding. Some days I feel like a cheerleader.
In his defence, he had severe sensory issues, feeding issues, erratic fears, allergies, he was sent for assessments aged 3.
He was about 5 when he stop crying all day. 😲
Don't get me wrong, I adore him now and have a deeper understanding of his world.

All I can say is that it’ll get easier; everything is just a phase. Did you notice any reduction in the whinging after 12 weeks? I find that they get a bit more settled after 12 weeks and again around 6 months. By the time they’re a year old they only really cry when tired/poorly.

Are there any signs that baby might be struggling with anything? Tongue tie, reflux, allergy etc?

Some friends of ours thought we were being neurotic first time parents and overstating how difficult DC1 was as a baby. Then they met her!
Every stage can be hard but the thing to remember is it's all just a phase, things will change. Some things get easier, some get harder but then they change again.

My older DD did not sleep for more than half an hour at a time day or night for the first 14 weeks of her life, meaning I did not sleep for more than 20ish minutes at a time in that period. I had a mentally abusive husband who had tried to force me to have an abortion and a family who were too busy and judgemental to help me. I was suicidal and actively planning suicide and taking my DD with me.

I didn't really have anyone I felt I could talk to because other people couldn't understand what living with a baby like this was like. I loved my DD beyond anything but it was so hard. Fortunately at 14 weeks it was like a switch flipped for her.she started sleeping, stopped crying all the time and I regularly cried with relief that things changed.

If you can please get some help because this is exhausting mentally and physically. I was sure I must be the problem but then DD 2 was born and was a very easy baby by comparison. I hope your baby is nearly through this stage. You'll look back and realise what a marvel you were to have got through it all.

My eldest was the same, and my mum's friends with "easy" babies really didn't understand.

If that makes you feel better, tables turned when their kids got into the terrible 2s territory! My son was getting easier as his language developed, his tantrums actually decreased in frequency and intensity between 1 and 2yo.

My second was a super easy baby and adorable 1 yo, but is a nightmare now that she's 2.

YANBU

None of us can understand the reality for people struggling with things we haven't experienced.

Those with easy babies can't understand your reality. If your baby is healthy you won't understand the reality of having a medically complex baby. If all these babies were conceived easily, none of the parents will understand the reality of someone struggling to have a baby at all. If you're financially secure you won't understand the reality of parenting on the breadline and so on and so on.

We can try our best to understand, but none of us will ever really know what it's like to live something that we haven't lived. It's best if we all accept that and stop beating up ourselves and other people for not understanding something that we have no experience of.

I think you’re right. I currently work as a maternity/night nanny and there are many, many different temperaments of baby available…a fussy baby does make things much harder. I’ve seen mums on their knees with exhaustion just from trying to placate a baby that doesn’t have an easygoing temperament.

When I had my own I was more prepared but he was easy- barely cried, could take him anywhere, sleep not great but he was rarely grumpy unless sick or teething.

You have my sympathy because I know how much harder it could have been. I have a lot of empathy for mums who don’t have that kind of baby. Parents who do don’t realise how much harder it could be.

It’s ok to need a bit of help though. And I will say that those who have it comparatively easy now may not always. I have an impossible and obstinate four year old off the back of my easy baby (he’s still a joy, but harder now!) and contrary to popular belief he had no terrible twos. I didn’t foresee the shift into teenager/four year old at all 😅🤦🏻‍♀️)

Don't feel awful, it's a baby.
Have you got any help?

So many people have a mother or sister who takes the baby for a few hours, an evening, even a night! It makes such a massive difference.

The main thing is not to become isolated. That's why many women go to baby groups - they bring absolutely NOTHING to the baby, but they meet other mums.

Don't compare with others - all kids have different stage, and also.. mums lie 😂. Not always realising it, but " a baby sleeping through the night" might mean actually sleeping without waking up for one, while for the other it means slept with only 2 bottle feeds and a nappy change.

Don't compare.

Don't bother going to meals with him, or not alone with no one else to take him from you, keep walking in parks and go outside, for your own sanity and give him fresh air.

It's hard because you're still healing and you're exhausted. It's easier than when they're toddlers because they stay where you put them (but they might not be happy about it). It's hard because they can't communicate clearly and can do so little for themselves.

I found it got progressively easier even if I was still absolutely knackered

Ok hear you. My first was an easy baby, and I really enjoyed it. I always knew that I was having it easy though. My second was more tricky. 10 years later, I had my third and was so excited to have a first born experience again and sit in the sofa eating biscuits and feeding. She was and is such a difficult baby. I became scared of her 😅

I always knew I’d had it easy but living a difficult baby was very humbling

I do think all babies are different, and all have their time! You're definitely not a rubbish mum x