Am I right to think people with easy babies have no idea!

You are right, of course, and I say that as Mum of an easy baby. I did see what some friends went through with illness and reflux and colic and poor sleepers and I promise you my only thought has ever been ‘there but for the grace of god’. I don’t know that I’d have coped at all with some of the things friends have been through. You’re doing a great job x

Not at all, my first baby screamed 24/7, I remember lying in bed thinking what have I done having a child 😭 not she’s nearly 6 and I love her but I pieces. My second child is 3 and he was a dream, hardly cried and had a very chilled temperment. I enjoyed the newborn stage so much more with him. You’re doing the best you can, it’s so hard. You’re not a rubbish mum and I PROMISE it gets easier ❤️

People finding their babies hard does not mean that they can’t also feel blessed to have them, or that they didn’t struggle to conceive, or that they didn’t have previous pregnancy losses. It’s very unpleasant to say “I found it easy because I felt so blessed to have him” as if everyone else is feeling something different.

A friend of mine had a stillbirth at 38 weeks. When she then went on to have her second child, she struggled so much with a baby who didn’t sleep, and part of her mental struggle was that she felt so guilty that she “should” be more grateful, that she “should” be savouring a 2am cuddle etc.

All 3 of mine were easy babies but I still disliked the baby stage. It's ok to dislike a stage of parenting and to not enjoy every single minute, I promise.

I found the baby stage the hardest, grumpy baby 😂. Not finding tbe twos to be terrible at all, very sweet and funny and lovely!

I absolutely hear you! Our wee one was a difficult baby (hard to soothe, hard to sleep without being on someone, lots of health bits and bobs) but I offer good news - she's an easy toddler compared to some...

I came to the conclusion we are all very different, our babies are very different and so our expectations and circumstances.
I adored the baby stage even if, realistically, my DS never slept in his cot, he woke every 3 hours for a feed, I breastfed for 15 months and rocket him to sleep until he was a toddler. He suffered from reflux and showed a strong personality from day zero basically.
BUT.... I loved it and found it so easy.
Why? In hindsight, he was a rainbow baby, I had him quite old after so many years of struggle and grieving, and he was very poorly at birth. I felt and still feel so blessed to have him that nothing, really nothing, was a sacrifice. I truly enjoyed every single minutes of the miracle I was living.

I have 3DC, now teens. My teenagers are so much easier than they were as small children. Why? They STTN. They can clean up after themselves. Sometimes they cook for me or hang up the washing or empty the dishwasher. When we have visitors they help with the preparation. They like to watch programmes I like to watch like Strictly or The Diplomat or The Crown or Downton Abbey. They like the same sports as us and going to the theatre. They even enjoy going to museums now.

The baby stage is brutal, even with a 'good' baby you are exhausted, recovering from big changes to your body and the physical work is relentless. It is not the easiest stage by any stretch of the imagination. Toddlers are much more rewarding but still hard work, primary school is when it starts getting easier. Lots will tell you teens are the worst but they are fabulous, my favourite stage yet! It will get easier day by day, you are not a bad mother because you are finding this stage hard. You are probably an unsupported one though, the people I knew who found the baby stage easy were those whose DMs of MILs were close by and supportive. It makes a massive difference if you can have regular time off while someone else looks after your DC.

My firstborn was easy from birth to adulthood. My second and third’s teenage years nearly broke me 😆

Our daughter was essentially a potato until about 16 months, she’s been an absolute nightmare ever since and she’s nearly four. She’s off nursery with HFM at the moment and is making it her lifes work to be a terror, she seems to be succeeding too!

I agree OP! I had two babies that were chalk and cheese and have reflected many times to friends that if I’d only had one child, depending on which I’d had, I’d have a totally different appraisal of my own parenting skill (ie either a failure or a whizz) and both views would have been wrong!

my ‘tricky’ baby (aka me as a failure, no clue what I’m doing) has turned into a wonderful, sensitive human who knows and understand people with such skill and thoughtfulness, I’m quite in awe.

Hang on in there and don’t take any of it personally.

Some are absolutely easier than others. If I’d had my third baby as my first I’d have been insufferably smug as he was such as easy baby.
But… my first two were very difficult babies so I absolutely hear you!!
Also, if this is your first baby there’s a lot to be said for experience. My second one was probably even trickier than my eldest in many ways but I was more experienced so took it in my stride more.
If it makes you feel any better my easy third baby has become a bit of a beast as a toddler!

My first was a whingey, clingy baby. He couldn't be put down for a minute. My best friend had twins around the same time and hers were so easy, I know she felt sorry for me. I only realised how difficult DS1 had been as a baby when I had my second and third, who were so easy going. It's all about temperament.

Just to add, DS1 is an adult now and the easiest going of all my children, so what they are like as babies doesn't necessarily reflect on how they'll be later.

Yep! I actually had a friend apologise to me after she had DC2 because she just couldn't fathom with DC1 why I was finding it so hard. Turns out some babies are harder than others!

You're right OP, I had two easy babies and thought I was a great parent, then DC3 showed me that it had little to do with my parenting! He's now a lovely teen though.

It’s the same with older kids , I had one very tricky baby and then tricky toddler and is still difficult 12 years later. I just don’t make chilled out kids 🤷‍♀️ , I have 3 dcs.
One literally slept like a newborn for around 4 years -no exaggeration. I did everything, excellent routine , no bad habits, cut naps , increased naps, gp, check for allergies etc etc , didn’t make the slightest bit of difference. Nothing worked.
I had absolutely no support bar my dh with any of my kids. There was a lot of crying and irritability for years. One of my babies was very chilled as a baby and I could literally take him anywhere and he’d sleep anywhere but more work once older from 5 onwards.
I have all boys and I’m convinced boys are more difficult when younger but I’ll be told otherwise probably and it might well just me my situation 😂 But 90 percent of things I read on mn about difficult , very hyper toddlers all turn out to be boys … but some aspects are getting easier but there’s always challenges. My kids are all extremely argumentative with us , if there was a wall they’d argue with it but we aren’t at all as a couple so I can’t stand when people harp on about kids mirroring what they see.

Two of mine are completely unacademic and one is very academic. Both my dh and I went to university, speak more than two languages and are massively into reading, two of mine have absolutely no interest whatsoever despite me reading/going to libraries to them from day dot .
Also don’t get me started on the “we are chilled so our baby is chilled”. It’s completely chicken and egg , if your child constantly cries and screams and doesn’t sleep it’s completely exhausting and makes you extremely stressed, you can’t be chilled. Also major slow clap to people who say their kids sleep on the go and they went hiking in the Himalayas and their two toddlers and babies loved every second and sleep on the way.
Some babies/children are just way easier than others , some are really really challenging .
Some older kids are very quiet and passive , I simply don’t make these type of kids at all. I loved sleep , I’m quite introverted and quiet , my kids are all older now and still on the go all the time!! I feel like unless in extreme cases so much stuff is nature and there’s nothing you can do about it.
I absolutely agree though with a pp , I do see now that my kids are older they are really sociable , active , outgoing and get on well with everyone, have a lot of “get up and go” and I do notice my friends who had “easy” passive babies have different struggles now they are teens and it’s very hard on some of them now . My kids are all invited to things, are involved in clubs and have a lot of confidence to go on trips and speak up etc . I was very quiet and nervous when young and as result had a very difficult teenage time and very difficult early 20’s. I wish I’d had more confidence and self confidence , I was very passive and very introverted and I missed opportunities. But I slept like a log and actually wanted to sleep a lot!
Sorry @Bethymum I’m waffling on but I know exactly what it’s like to have an irritable, crying baby all the time and to think you’re doing everything wrong . You really aren’t , it’s simply the baby you have and it will get better. Your friends just have an easier baby , it’s nothing they are doing.

I'm considering having my third. It will be 8 years after having my first and I had a slightly tricky first then comically easy second, so I fear I am owed a grumpy one.

Don’t underestimate how hard it is to have a difficult baby. My son nearly drove me to the point of insanity with how utterly miserable and difficult he was as a baby, and it was only made worse by other people (my Mum particularly) insisting that all babies were like him, and that I was just overreacting and finding it difficult because I was a first time Mum.

It was absolute bollocks, he was just far more difficult than lots of babies but I really believed it was all my fault. I broke down in tears at his ten month Health Visitor review when the lovely HV, having just observed the two of us together playing for a while, said ‘I can see that he is a very demanding baby, and that he has taken a lot out of you’.

The fact that she was the only person who was validating what I bloody well knew was true was so important for me, and I stopped doubting myself so much or wondering when things would change after that.

As it went, he became a different child when he could mobilise properly and has been a generally very content and easy toddler and child since then but my experience means that I will never question the experience of somebody who is having a difficult time with their baby.

I do think all babies are different- and I think all mums are too.

We always got told DS was "an easy baby" which used to frustrate me. He slept and ate well ans was mostly chilled but I still struggled with adapting.

Rather than say people with "easy babies" have no idea (which i do think is slightly insulting) , I would instead say having a baby is a big adjustment and everyone is doing their best to manage that adjustment.

Parenthood is a marathon, not a sprint.

”Easy” babies sometimes turn out to be difficult toddlers and vice versa.

Both my two were very hard work all the way up until they started school. They’ve been pretty much delightful ever since, including the teen years.

Now that our kids are late teens, I’m sure my friend with two “easy” babies would tell you that my parenting journey has been much, much easier than hers. And in fact continues to be.

The first years are really tough, but stick in there!

Sending unMumsnetty hugs.

If I’d had my second first, he’d had been an only child.

My first was a velco baby - family insited it was my fault - at 19 she was finally diagonsed with ADHD and few other things. Thing got easier when I accepted she was going to be stuck to me and finally found a useful sling.

What made it worse was next baby was super chill - could hand to anyone - very hard toddler and child but mostly easier teen.

Third like first very clingy whihc did stop the well you made DD1 that was as a baby as she was so similar. Much easier child and teen though than DD1.

I think having the hardest baby first helped long term - I had friend who has super chilled baby with first she knew that but next was complet opposite and she said it's different knowing that first was easy and having to live and deal with second being more a normal baby.

Maybe do thing you can enjoy and less what you feel you "should" - meals out weren't really a possiblity with mine - bit older nearer one they were fine. Long walks were for getting them to sleep at 4 months. Maybe your trying to do things too soon with your baby's temperment.

My middle child was grumpy bugger too who has somehow turned into most chill teen on the planet. I'd take him to the GP to rule out any intolerances first but unfortunately some babies are just hard work no matter what you do. You probably hear it all the time, but it does get better. One hour/day at a time and try and soak in the rare moments of peace and happiness. Good luck

My first was a really difficult baby, so I know exactly what you mean! However, she was a very easy toddler and has continued to be easy right up to teenage years. My second was a super easy baby, but a nightmare toddler and is still hard work now she is older 😂