To ask how much of this you should/could save?

On threads like these, I always wonder what the savings are for?
As in, if you really want a jumper but don’t buy it as you’d rather put the money ‘into savings’ is that so you can buy jumpers in the future, or so you can have money for Christmas or can put it towards a bigger house in the future or for your retirement?
What I was saving for would impact how much I put into savings out of any amount.

Instead of “it’s too expensive” try “oh it’s nice but not THAT nice” or “it’s nice but I don’t need it really “ or just fib and say you don’t really like it or DH will hate it

you mam wants you to have nice things after all and enjoy life so she needs to see that you do ( assuming you are not secretly pining for the lamp)

I would tend to save like you

especially if you are happy with your life and what you do in it

the question is why does your mother say that? Are you often not doing things because of money - and is that just a way of saying I really don’t want to spend money on that rather than i am short of cash ?

If you’re under 40 you could open a Lifetime ISA. This can be used for pension or to buy a home if you haven’t already. If you save £4000 a year into that the government will add £1000.

Who is it that you’re arguing with about savings?

What's the issue as you havent said?

If we are saying everything else is covered bills food etc then I'd be able to save the whole 1800 most months.
I don't drive. I cycle. I don't have lunch or coffees out and aside for birthdays Christmas or celebrations I don't really spend much at all. With the kids we do free things parks walks etc

This is all irrelevant to you op though as you will live a different life so figure out what you want to spend and what you want to save.

For us all money goes into the joint pot for bills/savings etc and then we both get and agreed x amount a month to spend or save however we want to. Makes it really simple and avoids anyone feeling anything is unfair.

As others have already mentioned, some of the miscellaneous expenditure is essential, eg kids’ clothing. I’d work out a budget for those essentials, maybe put that into a separate account, and save the rest. With the figures you mention I’d aim to save £1,000 a month in an ISA or fixed term high interest account.

For what it’s worth, I’m in my late 50s and now considering retirement. I really wish I had saved more in the past, and can see how much of my spending has been really quite frivolous.

Kids clothes and treats are a joint expense (if they’re your partner’s children too) so should come out of the joint account

Some of things you listed, e.g kids treats should be joint expenses.
Likewise the car, presuming it is for things that support family life, e.g. commuting to work, taking kids to activities

If your spending can be controlled then it implies that some of it is unnecessary. So, control your spending, save as much as you can - only you can say how much is possible. Is some of it unnecessary but fun/enjoyable, so justifiable IMO (within reason!)? Is some on overpriced lunches and coffees, which you could recreate easily?
Some months you may want to splurge a bit and that’s obviously ok, as life is also for living in the now and saving for the unknown. IYou are lucky to be able do both…so do both!

1800 left
300 spend
1500 save

coffees, lunches, kids treats, kids clothing, pocket money and fuel for one car.

these are so completely different, they shouldn't even be in the same category.

Kids clothing, they NEED
cofffee? depends..
kids treats? does it include birthday and christmas presents?

What do you mean by "saving" ? long term? And what about holidays, under which account do they come from?

Mortgage, pension, holidays.... If you are in your forever home it's not the same as being in a rental you can't wait to get out of.

How much of this would you expect to save?
short answer is: completely depends on your existing lifestyle!

If saving is my priority, would put about £1,600 into savings and if I had anything left over at the end of the month, that would go to the savings account as well. Depending on what the savings are for and when I'd be likely to need to use them, I would put some into a pension, some into a stocks and shares ISA and some into cash savings.

If I had a credit card debt, I would prioritise paying that off.

If I had a mortgage, I would consider overpaying each month it in order to whittle down the debt and save myself ££ in interest payments.

Out of interest what percentage are you contributing to joint account?

It matters if you're contributing more than half or being expected to save X% towards joint savings.

Long term savings £1000
short term savings (Xmas/birthdays/days out/school uniform/shoes) £300
Spends £500

If you spending can be controlled then it implies that some of it is unnecessary. So, control your spending, save as much as you can - only you can say how much is possible.
Some months you may want to splurge a bit and that’s obviously ok, as life is also for living in the now and saving for the unknown. You are lucky to be able do both…so do both!

I think if you were being on the frugal side, then you could save £1300, but to be fairly relaxed and do/have things as you wanted, savings would be more like £500.

£1400 savings, £400 spends.

I'd dip in for the odd splurge.

At least £900. More like £1200 most months. I don't buy coffees/lunches

I would expect to put £500 or so into long term savings (S&S), £300-400 into short term savings (i.e. expect to spend within the year - for things like weekends away) and spend the rest

I’d save at least £1000, ideally closer to £1200.

A grand easily some months a bit more