DH sleeping on sofa to avoid crying baby

Think it's quite telling that the OP hasn't been back to clarify what her husband's job is despite being asked several times. It matters.

"Honestly, I think it’s just pragmatic. It’s one thing walking round with a one-year-old in a blurred state of sleep deprivation, it’s quite another putting in a full day of work."

I'd say - beyond certain jobs (pilot, brain surgeon, train driver) - the exact opposite.

Looking after an infant is a "full day of work" and that's why being a nanny is a real job.

I’m not advocating leaving a baby to “cry it out “: I don’t know any parents of young babies who don’t use the Huckleberry app.

I don’t think his request is unreasonable.
A friends DP is a tree surgeon - when their baby was small and a terrible sleeper he had to sleep on the sofa, not to be awkward and unhelpful, but if he went to work sleep deprived, the consequences could have been catastrophic!
So a lot of depending factors to consider. Yes in your eyes it’s probably selfish because you are in the trenches with sleep deprivation (been there!) but I promise it does get better!
Is there one night a week where you can have the sofa?!

Yes I think DH is being reasonable.

I would also hire a sleep consultant.

My husband worked, and I was at home. Our youngest was a terrible sleeper, so we took turns on alternate nights. We put a bed in his room and one of us slept with him while the other got a good night's sleep. Not ideal but worked for us.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20220322-how-sleep-training-affects-babies

This is a really interesting, balanced article, from which both sides of the debate can find a study to confirm their bias. ;-)

You're right that sleep training doesn't lead to internalised stress/cortisol in the moment.

But the children of responsive parents whose parenting toolkit excludes sleep training have lower cortisol levels on a day-to-day basis.

no fake outrage , I do judge lazy parents who sleep train.
Thankfully it's not needed to get them to have healthy sleep patterns.

I did not twist your post, I gave you the correct definition of "abusive" as I meant it when I employed the word. It's not that hard 😂

The one we got is no longer available but it’s very similar to this one which also gets really good reviews…

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1177153538/?ref=share_ios_native_control

genuinely one of the best decisions we ever made. Of course as baby isn’t in a cot and can roam about you need to be very very careful with baby proofing the room, we secured all furniture to the walls, all cords clipped to the walls, blind cords etc tied out of reach, nothing claimbable in the room, no small parts in the room, baby gate across the door to ensure to wandering out the room. And we also packed the space between the matress and the wall to ensure there is no entrapment risk. So a bit of work involved in the set up but honestly it completely saved my sanity I’ve recommended it to a few friends who say it’s been a game changer for them.

I already did, above really. Didn't want to repeat myself. A baby, snug, fed, clean, warm, loved by parents is not vulnerable. Talking about elderly people isn't relevant, it's whataboutery. I could sit here and list a ton of situations that are also not relevant!

Apologies for hijacking the thread but could you let me know where you got your small double floor bed please? (We're looking to do the same thing, and researching options online has just left me quite confused)

This part "When you sleep train a baby, all you're teaching them is no one will come when they need them. It doesn't reduce the cortisol levels in their system that led them to need you in the first place. They just internalise that stress."

Is not actually true.

Sometimes it's not about fair he's struggling and needs the sleep it's give and take there will be another season in your relationship with being parents that you may need more sleep or support ect.

I like how you don't have an answer. It shows you don't really mean what you say.

Oh, you like a lot of whataboutery don't you?
Supposed everyone needs a hobby.

It doesn't make sense to insist that you both stay sleep deprived. Take it in turns who deals with the night wakings and who gets an unbroken night's sleep. If he works more days he gets slightly more nights off from the night wakings. Perhaps 4 for him and 3 for you?

I still feel bad about trying to "sleep train" my firstborn and it was 30 years ago. It was brutal and failed.
(Obviously I did it wrong)

Because if, say, an elderly or disabled person was crying out despite being fed, clean, safe etc, it would be considered abuse to ignore them. So why is it different for a baby just because they meet your criteria?

Talking of loving parents here, trying to get their children into a healthy sleep pattern - for all.
Not abusive parents high on cocaine every night.

Fake outrage on your behalf because you disagree with sleep training. That's your right, but twisting my post to get angry is utterly pointless and a sad reflection.. Cheerio.

Yes and I read it that OPs husband was only suggesting this arrangement on the nights before she’s not working

@mixedcereal OP works too

Poor man. Life is short, it sounds like a miserable existence.

vulnerable: (of a person) in need of special care, support, or protection because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect.

HTH.

I am not even starting a debate on how neglectful "sleep training" can be, each to their own.

which doesn't work for ALL babies

and which parents find debatable any way.

Apart from that...

I think it’s sensible of DH