To feel like a very inadequate mother after reading this?

To me that actually lacks warmth
but of course the person still could feel all those feelings like
love joy warmth fun caring
but just didn’t say them

it’s actually comes over to me as just practical and she taught her what she enjjoyed which is fair enough

but as long as you love your kids they’ll be grand

There’s good parenting (making sure that they’re fed, loved, clothed, educated etc) and then there’s the extra individual touch.

Some mums are great listeners, some have great boundaries, some throw great parties or read stories with all the voices, some are powerful role models, etc etc

But we are inclined to assume that everyone is doing basic+ our special bit+ all the other special bits and then feel completely inadequate. They’re not, the mum who is a history buff was probably feeling bad about something else.

(and she may well have had another dc who hated the tangents and just wanted her to read the damn story!)

And then when you add in the fact that with nd dc you’re working so hard to not quite get the basics done. I have one I cannot feed properly (arfid), clothe (he wants to wear clothes until they fall apart), educate (school has destroyed his thirst for knowledge) and he struggles to accept affection. It may not help to say we discuss history, sociology and politics at great length but I’d much rather if he’d let me give him hugs.

You’ve had great advice from PP. All I can add is love your DC and I’m sure they love you.

I read Greek and Norse mythology to my children at bedtime because they are great bedtime stories and my parents would read this to me when I was a child so I had fond memories. I think it it’s important to introduce your children to art and history. It’s also not very difficult as it’s really accessible and free.

This is not what makes you a good mother. She might have taught her kids all these things but was she kind and supportive and loving? There are more important things. Also coming from a fellow SEND parent so I get the struggle just make sure they are adequately fed and clothed!

OP, I think nearly all parents do their very best for their children - there will be times when you get it wrong: we all do, but you don’t have to teach your children mandarin and Suzuki method violin to be a good mother! Acknowledgements in a book are very artificial - the author is hardly likely to write “..and then there was that time you lost it and shouted at us, and we had to have toast for dinner” or whatever!

Everyone is different. Maybe the same mother was also overly intellectualising and didn't give warm hugs and loving support. We all get the mother we get, and as long as you are a good enough mother that's enough. Do you have a tendency to compare yourself unfavourably to others?

That’s a very personal and particular list. When your children are grown up they’ll have their own equivalent lists of the things you did that were particular to you- maybe it won’t be Chinese history, but I don’t think she’s trying to make the point that a good mother is one who teaches her children Chinese history, but rather that a mother passes on her own particular loves and interests, and all of this is completely compatible with also spending 95% of the time saying “put your shoes on” a hundred times a day and burning the fishfingers, which is just the normal stuff of life and which Alice Win ‘s mother will also have done.

Honestly OP why should you feel inadequate?
If you are providing your DDs with a loving, caring home then you are being the best mother they could ever want.

Fwiw my mother taught me damn all. Not even basic hygiene I'm ashamed to say. And there wasn't much love or caring either.

I suspect she's gushing about what she taught her because there wasnt much to say about how she expressed love.

My mum for example, taught me loads about dance- the history of it, the different types, the emotion behind it and she took me to ballet lessons. You know what?- I despised it. I was laughably shit at ballet and I did not enjoy it. Being taught subjects are only cool if you are actually interested in them, otherwise it's just a parent forcing their own interests on their child, which is selfish.

Thankfully mum relented but honestly, it put me right off dance for a long time and actually I found that I am great at salsa!

All I am saying is- being taught random subjects does not make one a great parent. What does is feeling unconditionally loved, supported, and secure. If you have that, you have hit the parenting jackpot.

I expected to give my kids insight and wisdom about literature and poetry, and that they would be enthralled beyond measure and become avid readers.

Then I met my kids 😅

You can do exactly what this mother did by buying or borrowing from the library a selection of decent children’s history books.

The trick is to talk to your children about our world in an age appropriate way. And not everyone has the same degree of knowledge, and that’s fine. Being a good mother is about being loving, warm and present with your children. Meeting their needs, helping them become independent and letting them know you’re always there.

Being a good mother is not dependent on teaching your children Chinese history.

So you beleive everything you read in books that somone does for another person and ii you dont do everything you are wrong? That males no sense

FFS it's not pretentious to like classic literature. It's only pretentious if you're only doing it for effect. Some people do actually genuinely like it.

It sounds like she grew up in a very academic household but it's just like introducing your kids to things you love. I did this for my kids but it was more Trapdoor, Mr Benn and Malory Towers than classical literature.

My mum was wonderful and I have missed her every single day of the nearly 22 years since she died. I would give anything for another chat and a hug. She taught me absolutely nothing about classic literature. Honestly, OP. Put it out of your head.

I didn’t need my parents to teach me anything like that, I needed them to love me, have fun with me, support me. They did all that and I’ve had such a solid footing in life

My mum is an uneducated working class woman who was a teen mum and she spent hours with me teaching me to love reading and music and about wildlife and nature. She put so much into parenting me. I am forever grateful.

OP, this made me smile a bit. Will the parent guilt never end? 😀

I read poetry to my toddler the other day, not because I think it will support his literary talents in the future, but because I read it in a funny voice and he laughs.

He could well go on to publish a book and say 'my dear mother left me with a profound love of the works of Yeats, Browning, and Wordsworth. For that I shall forever be grateful'.

Or he could mention the fact we were blowing raspberries straight after that and canonballing into cushions which he enjoyed infinitely more.

(Sorry quoted the wrong post and now can't remove it!)

Different times, that's all.

I haven't taught my ds any languages. I have however worked full time, paid a mortgage, taught him to read, write, add up, swim, cycle & ski, and cleaned, cooked and transported him everywhere for 17 years, without any help at all. I doubt she did any of those things.

I don't feel inadequate, just tired. 😁

I think my daughter's acknowledgment would read "she taught me never to be dependent on a man because she reads threads on Mumsnet about people who were and they should leave the bastard"

You don’t need to any of that stuff, you just need to love them OP ❤️

I don't know anything about literature and poetry. I've taught my kids how to make cheese sauce, not be afraid of computers, how to sew on a button and all sorts of other stuff, and that's perfectly fine.

You’re doing a fine job. Everyone has they own lives, and takes their own route in life.

I get what you mean though. So many people, after serious illness run marathons, climb Mount Everest or motorcycle around the world. I missed out on this memo.

Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re doing fab, and comparison is the thief of joy.

So did she hold them when they were scared? Or guide them through relationships or how to handle a bully? Did she act as their advocate for their special needs and fight daily to get them what they were entitled to and deserved?

there is no perfect. We hopefully do our best.

I think this is important! She'd been taught from preschool age that academia was more important than family and that's what this passage reflects.

My mum died when I was 30 and when talking about her we all say she did a great job of knowing the 5 of us as individuals. Of nurturing our interests and trying to ensure, despite poverty, that we could each follow those interests.

She raised 5 children who ended up with degrees and professional careers but most importantly emotional intelligence and grit. She didn't teach me great literature or Chinese or whatever but if I wanted to learn it she found a way for me to access it.

The paragraph in the op is actually more telling of her mother's failings.