To feel like a very inadequate mother after reading this?

Lost Boys you say? Your job is done. 👊😌

I introduced DS to Blackadder, Lost Boys, Prince, The Jabberwocky and The Hunger Games - but you know, whatever floats your boat.

He's always thought poetry was tedious though.

My mum taught me to be a nice person, but she left school at 14 so didn’t teach me anything else much. I wish I’d been nicer to her, but my dad was so horrible I had to stay away.
I think all mums feel inadequate at times, but I’m sure the OP isn’t!

My daughters would say: to my mother who took me to and from school for many years. So I could be taught history, English literature, geography ect from qualified teachers. I am eternally grateful!

I realise this thread is about reassuring op but I find it mind boggling people don't realise that you can have a loving caring joyful home and introduce your children to academic and interesting ideas.

My own mother is inadequate. I'm sure reading greek mythology and visiting art exhibitions is great. But what children really need is to feel loved, safe and supported.

Your children will say something different about you, just as I would say something different about my Mam.
It doesn't mean you are in any way inadequate because someone else taught their child about English kings and Chinese history.
What else does she say about her mother?
I would say my Mam loved me with all her heart and moved heaven and earth for me. She also taught me lots of things but if I just listed what she taught me without mentioning how much she loved me that would seem very cold.

My DC had school teachers to teach them all that. I hopefully taught them what it means to be loved and cared for. Manners, respect, making pancakes, sticking at things we don't like sometimes, not giving up & how to wash their own clothes .

Some people are exceptional human beings, but - obviously - most are not.

I like your style.

It's a beautiful heartfelt sentiment to her mother who invested her love in a way she knew how to. But as long as you love and show how much you care and nurture. Why feel inadequate? I read lovely books to my child (I think!) we play, paint, walk our dog, argue, laugh, sulk, cook, eat, complain, snooze. I wouldn't want to be compared to other mums.

Good grief, the mother here sounds like the parents in the ad featured in a thread earlier today, for a private tutor. Why on earth does any child need to know about Chinese history? Or Greek mythology?!

No need to feel inadequate @Rainallnight Very few parents teach their children this, and go through an 'entire library of literature' with their children. Some parents don't have the time, as they actually have to work, look after other children, and look after elderly relatives!

As some posters have said, all of the things this mother did, does not mean she's a better mother than others who don't do it.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5431431-to-think-this-dream-job-is-just-sad?page=1

HERE is the ad posted on that thread...

https://www.tes.com/jobs/vacancy/private-tutor-london-england-oxfordshire-2256768

Well my worry is I've been able to do that with one the other definatly does not want to know and is not interested

Those are not what matters at all and not what a mother's for. Teach them to love, to be a good friend, a great person. Resilience to cope with whatever life throws at you. How to problem solve. To look after their physical and mental health. Basically how to live and have a good life.

"Guided me through her enormous library if literature" or whatever that quote was. She basically had her kid get involved in what's clearly her passionate hobby. I could bang on about my hobbies for days and happily sit like a pig in shit as they say doing said hobbies with my kids. Teach them all I know. Hell, partner and I basically do this. My kids are "advanced" in a handful of areas because they're our strong points.
Hardly great parenting, kid was guided into it, did kid even get a chance to experience other things?
An amazing mum is sitting through stuff they really don't give a donkeys about and acting impressed 😂 and trying to be interested and learn about what their kids like. Hats off to those mums!

The number of mothers who would be willing to do this is larger than the number of children who would be willing to engage with it. I tried REALLY hard to get my stepdaughter into myths, legends and classic literature and she had zero interest...now she devours Percy Jackson novels. 😂DD is more receptive but she's 5, so she's mostly a captive audience.

You can provide your children with all the material things they could ever want or need, and if they don't feel secure in your love and cherished as individuals, what have they got? Having that security is priceless, what child can be the best they could be if they don't feel worthy of a parent's love? It is utterly shit feeling that you're just not good enough or unloveable. Teach your children that they have value, their thoughts and opinions matter as much as anybody's, that you will always love and appreciate them.

All the trappings of modern life is just so much flimflam. All anybody needs to succeed is to genuinely feel valued, appreciated, accepted.

I've just read my 12 yos autobiography that he had to write for school. He hasn't mentioned me once in it. He's mentioned DH and his grandparents and his brother, but I apparently don't exist.

Did she have servants to do the housework?

I love this:
"Love them with all your love."
I can't provide my 2 DC with what most of mumsnet seems to be able to provide to their DC.
I can't provide them with a big house. Or big bedrooms. Or wonderful kitchen extensions. I can't provide them with an SUV to be driven around in. I can't take them on foreign holidays overseas, the ones with turquoise seas that they see advertised by Tui on TV that all their friends go on. I will never have savings to hand over to them. I try so hard to save but my NHS nurse wages that were frozen for 10 years whilst COL soared astronomically stopped me from saving and has hit me hard and painfully. I will never be able to financially assist my DC on to the property ladder. I won't be able to buy them their first car.
I feel down about these things a lot, and it makes me feel a failure as a parent.
But what I can do is..... I can love them.
And boy do I love them with all my love.
I love them with all my love every minute of every single day.
And I will do this forever.
So thank you for saying this. Because it's just what I needed to hear this evening.

Why, thank you.

Yes completely concur with you
Beautifully brilliant comment
💚🤗💚

Nah, each to their own. I feel disappointed at times with my lack of intellectual impact on my kids. They see their dad as a genius, and he has taught them loads, they look up to him intellectually etc.

In my case, despite being arguably cleverer and definitely more educated, I fear that they see me as a bumbling, creative type who is a failure at life. But I know they still love me to bits. And thats what matters to me.

There's a great saying about kids learning from what you do, rather than what you say. I've tried to teach them good values and how to be happy, rather than information. I'll settle for that.

I dont think it matters what you bond over, as long as the child gets enjoyment from it.

It was always books for me. Not necessarily classics, my mum read me all kinds of stuff but I always loved stories and fiction and my mum enjoyed reading them to me.

When I was a little older, it became the theatre and museums. I still enjoy doing those things with my mum now when we have the chance.

See, that's the kind of shit that matters.

I'll put you in my memoir.