To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

I think he made up, not feeling well.Then said he was so hungry ( to me unwell people do not have a vigorous appetite ). When unwell one usually just wants a cup of soup and maybe buttered crackers. I think he is playing you for a sucker.

All of the midwives I dealt with were amazing. I cried the last day the community midwife visited because I was going to miss her so much. She was just the loveliest.

Equally, the one appointment I had with another community midwife was also excellent and she was really patient with our questions. The students we met there were also lovely (if a little on edge! ❤️)

At the hospital, we met about 4, all of whom were so kind and diligent. The midwife that was there for the actual birth was amazing. She was really encouraging and I honestly could not have done it without her.

Then the midwives on the post-natal ward had clearly done it all a million times before but were still super patient with me and my slight disorientation.

I found my community midwives cold and detached / going through the motions when I had my son (first and only child so far). They correctly identified my pre-eclampsia and sent me to hospital where I had a natural birth, so I'll forever be grateful for that.

But the aftercare was shocking - they booked me in for a 5 day visit and then cancelled on the day and asked me to come to them, with a 5 day old, stitches and no car. I never had a home visit from a NHS midwife. Knowing the NHS, I had actually booked a private midwife for after the birth to come for a few hours every week for the first few weeks to check how I was healing, help with breastfeeding, learn how to pump, how to bath baby, answer any questions etc, and it was wonderful. She was obviously very friendly, dedicated and nice, but I had to pay.

The hospital midwives were a mixed bag. Some were lovely but some were rude.

The problem with any group
of staff is that if they aren’t treated with respect by their own management, and they are very overworked and undervalued, then it’s harder for them to value the people they provide a service for. Thats universally the case.

All the midwives I had were pleasant but there definitely felt as though there were two tiers. The ones on the initial maternity ward I went to for induction, didn't seem completely firing on all cylinders and some of them struggled with English. Plus the ward itself was filthy ( I appreciate not their fault probably).
I had some complications and ended in consultant led care when actually moved to the labour ward. The midwives there were on a completely different level - it felt as though they were as competent and as knowledgeable as many of the doctors and were clearly highly intelligent and well qualified
Again, the post natal ward felt like it was full of the tier two midwives - don't know if there is any truth in this - but just how it felt at the time!

That incident should have been investigated. Those mws failed in their duty of care.

It’s bizarre! If I were a mw, I’d be really concerned about whether the women I’m responsible for were up to getting themselves to the bathroom.

If you read the posts on this thread the problem seems to be one of a culture of unkindness and withholding of help, both practical and psychological. It’s not about money or funding. It’s genuinely as if these people have been trained to be tough and ensure that childbirth is as much of an ordeal as it could possibly be.

It seems to be an article of faith that new mothers (see pp above who had given birth 30 mins earlier) MUST NOT BE ASSISTED IN GOING TO THE LOO for the first time after delivery. Why not? When I was in that situation, it was made clear to me that it was a policy (not explained kindly, either) and it was definitely not due to staff shortages. Several mws were standing chatting at their station.

That’s what could change tomorrow if there was the will - just kindness, empathy and support instead of treating women like prisoners.

Complain complain complain… men would and do. Find out who is the best person to complain to. Record everything especially the name of every member of staff treating you.

If you’re assaulted by procedures carried out when you have clearly refused consent (‘ I am not consenting to X. if you proceed you will be guilty of criminal assault’) go to the police.

Do be pleasant to staff - most are great and well meaning. Remember to write and thank them naming names. Gratitude is the other side of complaining and should be just as common where deserved.

I think so much of the indifference, poor practice, nastiness and downright cruelty (my midwife said to me "I was hard on you because you were going up the wall with pain and kindness would have destroyed you" Her hardness left me with diaganosed PTSD for which I had therapy many yeard later) is because childbirth like periods and menopause are uniquely female experiences and are seen as less important, less deserving of care, of listening to women. We all have hearts, liver, lungs etc and when these malfunciton there does not seem to be a culture of "stop exaggerating and take two paracetamol" .

I was very lucky and had three textbook births - no painkillers, laboured at home until 7/8cms and then quick deliveries so had very little engagement with the MWs beyond "catch". But with my third, who rocketed out, they sent me for a shower within 30 minutes of him being born. As soon as I stepped out the bed I told them I was incredibly shaky and didnt feel up to it, they told me I wouldnt get to the ward until I showered. My DH stayed in the room with DS, I wobbled into the shower, fell / fainted, split my head and ended up with stitches. It was actually bizarre now I think back on it - to this day I have no idea why they felt the shower was so necessary so quickly.

I had a midwife who was so so nasty and passive aggressive. Had a go at me for not peeing in the right pot and other things after I just gave birth, but that didn’t bother me as I had a baby! But she seemed jealous of my happiness and started to say my daughter looked weird - she said she will look beautiful to me as she’s my daughter but I don’t think she looks right, what is your risk of downe syndrome? She has a thick neck and short arms I’m going to get someone to look her her. So we had to wait overnight for a consultant to say why am I here basically? There are ten signs of Down syndrome and she didn’t have any of them which this mean midwife knew. the midwife left before the doctor came. Anyway was just mean.

My experience was similar. I went into hospital at 7.30 pm. I was told I was not in labour and they gave me sleeping tablets. After struggling until 4.30 pm the next day I finally gave birth with a very painful episiotomy, I hemmhoraged so much went into shock. Wnen I came round and was being transferred to the ward, a doctor said you gave us a fright and a nurse said the drip I was on was on saved my life. With my second birth I was terrified the same would happen. And reason for the first fiasco became apparent: my waters were broken and I was on an oxitocin drip and told I was now in labour at 9am. Mid afternoon I was registering strong contractions but the cervix wasn’t opening. At 12 midnight I was still nowhere near dilated enough and a midwife literally pulled my cervix open. I finally gave birth 25 minutes later. So I would tend to agree that although you were not the only person on the ward, midwives are reluctant to give proper attention when things are not going well.

I gave birth in another EU country and it's very similar here. It was a Saturday night and my consultant was not working. The midwife who was with me was condescending and spent a lot of time forcing me onto my back and telling me I was pushing "wrong". I didn't want to be coached at all and felt I would've been better off on my own as luckily I had a straightforward birth.

She interfered so much that during the last moments I told her to "shush" and she threatened to leave! Unfortunately she didn't. I tore badly, snd the whole experience became traumatic at the end after an easy and positive early labour at home.

There were also about a dozen staff standing around chatting and watching as if it was a spectator sport, so they were definitely not overworked.

Why just NHS staff. I know plenty in other professions who are totally crap and would not pay them in washers. Maybe when we have to pay more towards NHS (and it will happen, trust me) they can afford to train the creme de la creme.

I agree that there must be some good midwives and I’m sure they have a lot to deal with, but what I personally experienced (and what comes over from this thread) seems to indicate that there’s a culture within midwifery of harshness and lack of empathy at a very vulnerable time in women’s lives.

My memory was of being afraid to approach them and of impatient and unsmiling attitudes. And it’s bad enough for women who’ve had a normal, trouble-free delivery but making those who’ve had a c-section get themselves to the loo unaided seems cruel, especially compared to how an abdominal surgery patient would be treated in other contexts.

I think the culture needs to change.

Your experiences were negative but it really doesn’t mean that all midwives aren’t good at their job, lots are fantastic and go above and beyond. NHS shortages and recruitment bans means wards are often understaffed that isn’t their fault it’s the trust and the governments.

In my first labour, the midwife said absolutely nothing to me, just wrote notes in the corner. She caused a tear and large (and painful) bleed while inserting my urinary catheter. She also checked my cervix and said I was 8cm dilated, only for the doctor to check immediately after, and to let me know I was actually 6cm (the same as I had been several hours ago) and that the labour had stalled. I was sent straight for a c section.

That night, I felt abandoned as I struggled to get baby to latch and taught myself to change a nappy, post c section. It was so hard to lift baby to and from her crib but the one thing the midwives were insistent on was that I couldn't co sleep (fine, their policy, but at least help me carry her as I recover from getting cut open).

A different midwife measured the baby completely wrong when she was born. Incorrect height and head circumference by many cms. A doctor came into me the next day and started to talk about extra tests, possible genetic disorders etc. based on the results . Thankfully I've got some medical training so knew enough to repeat the measurements with a measuring tape I found below the incubator (it happened to be there as they measure the distance from the jaundice lamp to baby) and tell her they were entirely normal. She checked herself, agreed, apologised, and left.

In my 2nd labour, I had a bleed at 40 weeks so was kept in for induction. 4 days later- due to a lack of beds- the 1st midwide on shift checked my cervix and said I was 2cm and labour was progressing. so she'd break my waters. That fucking hurt. Several hours later it was found I had a Bishop's score of 0 and wasn't dilated at all.

I had been so keen for a VBAC but ended up with another c section as the labour never begun and they couldn't try to induce with a balloon, as had been the original plan, and time basically "ran out" from when waters were broken.

During that time, one midwife was there for retraining, and she had a terrible, petulant attitude, argued with the other staff and reeked of cigarettes.

Another midwife (locum) was excellent. Obviously on the ball, compassionate, went above and beyond, advocated to the doctors for me.

I do think the NHS is under staffed and that the staff are grossly underpaid and over worked.
It's an impossible job and I don't envy anyone who does it.
My care wasn't what I would have hoped for. I'm just grateful my babies are here and okay.

I had shocking experiences with midwives during my only birth process. Midwife on the lead-up was fantastic and lovely. After my C-section they were all useless on the ward - completely ignored the fact my daughter wouldn't drink and wouldn't wake up, refused to give me the colostrum I'd been told to bring with me and just kept saying 'we'll check back in an hour' then a different person would appear and we'd start from scratch! I eventually got a midwife who showed me how to actually breastfeed, gave me the colostrum and showed me how to administer it.

Had (repeat) awful midwives telling me to persevere with breastfeeding throughout the next week (basically starving my daughter), until the fantastic community midwife noticed I had sepsis, and wasn't producing enough milk. She got me readmitted to hospital and also got my daughter on formula boosters.

When I went to hospital to be re-admitted, the nurse I saw clearly thought I was exaggerating when I listed symptoms and told me 'all new mums feel rubbish' (heart rate of 140...). The midwives on that ward were fine, but again pushed me to 'only breastfeeding' (ignoring the fact that I literally couldn't exclusively breastfeed), ignored my cannula leaking and also completely ignored my concerns about the antibiotics I was on affecting my daughter - it destroyed her gut bacteria and she had severe stomach issues for the first year.

Health visitor was nice, but I saw her once?

It seems like the whole industry is going down the pan, honestly. It's awful and such an insult to the professionals who are good at their jobs, and the families who need their support.

I had two appalling experiences and both times it was because of awful midwives. I was shouted at, not brought pain relief, not allowed to move my body the way I needed, not given the help I asked for, blamed for things that were not my fault. Those were the hospital midwives. The community ones who did the follow up were brilliant.

That’s so funny. One of mine couldn’t do a very simple calculation. Like percentage of weight lost. And there were two of them trying to do it. They gave up and said they would do it later. I could still do it on 2 hrs sleep. I mean are they not doing this calculation several times a day ?

I had a planned section and my midwife in theatre was steady as a rock. Forever grateful for her support.

For my first birth my midwife was amazing.
My second she was very sweet, but seemed to have no confidence and was obsessed with keeping me covered and well dressed all the time, which I thought was odd and a bit irritating.

I've only ever had the sense that they didn't care from couple who came in to cover my main midwife's shift. They made no eye contact and just sat in the corner chatting and ignoring me.

Had my babies over 40 years ago. With baby 1, the MWs were generally awful, cruel in the way they treated me, impatient and rude, though the MW who actually delivered me was pleasant. She performed an episiotomy totally unnecessarily - because it was “hospital policy” - without anaesthetic and then shouted at me to be quiet when I screamed. But worst of all was the doctor who stitched me up afterwards: she was cold, rude and indifferent and it took her 2 hours!!! The anaesthetic she used was inadequate, I felt everything, and she refused to give me more. I cried so much. I suffered PTSD (and still do) from the whole experience.

With baby 2 at a different hospital, complete opposite. MW encouraged me to use different positions (this was 40 years ago so quite revolutionary) and I gave birth standing up, while she sat on the floor and caught the baby. When I told her I did not want an episiotomy unless the baby’s life was in danger, she was very happy to agree to that and said she would do everything she could to ensure I didn’t tear. And I didn’t tear - 9lb baby born after 5 minute second stage. Absolutely joyful

Knowing how shocking our local hospital is when things get tricky, because of my work, I told them I was having an elective c section and that I was doing it because I had no confidence in them being able to provide a safe birth by any other means.

I’m quite sure there’s something on my medical notes saying I’m a PITA - but I had an amazing c section experience and was very well cared for afterwards. My community midwives before and after were also excellent.

I have no idea if there are any reliable studies/statistics comparing quality of midwife check to paediatrician check and obviously I don’t know what check baby Ollie had or when but that would seem to have been an occasion when something might reasonably have been picked up.

I can answer this question, there is a very large study called the Emren Study which looked at precisely this. For parts of the newborn NIPE examination there is no difference between the quality of examination (rate of things missed, or unnecessary referrals) between paediatric doctors and NIPE trained midwives. For some areas midwives were actually better and it was thought this could be due to the fact that midwives were likely to carry on doing the examinations over their entire career so will get more and more experienced. The paediatric doctors who generally does the NIPE examination is a junior paed SHO who as they progress moves away from doing them.

Maternal satisfaction was also higher when midwives did the exam compared to paediatric doctors and it was felt this could be due to the higher amount of health promotion type discussions which the midwives engaged in compared to the paeds (so talking about things like feeding, sleep patterns, wet and dirty nappies).

I don’t know about this exact case but I know it’s a fact that just because a baby has a heart defect/murmur does not mean it’s necessarily audible at the initial examination. Sometimes they only become audible as the baby develops/heart problem gets worse over the next few days/weeks.

The midwives who attended me in labour were fab - calm, supportive, patient, helpful.

The community midwife was awful. She was endlessly critical and repeatedly wrong. She said I has gest. diabetes (wrong), that ds was breach (wrong), that I would need a csection (wrong).

I spent the last week cleaning & cooking, and had just sat down, 9am on due date when she rang and said "we needed to get things moving". I said no thanks, that I was healthy, no issues, not overdue. She wouldn't stop bullying, arguing and berating me, couldn't give me a reason for the rush. In the end my ex took the phone off me, told her to go away and stop twitching, and hung up on her.

DS was safely delivered 40+5.

She came & weighed DS twice in the first few weeks, then I never saw her again. Thank goodness.