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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

460 replies

JackandSallySkellington · 20/10/2025 19:27

Please hear me out.

I am SURE there are dedicated, talented, intuitive midwives out there. But AIBU to think beyond doing obs, most actually do very little in the course of labour/birth and a lot of the time seem very passive and like they just can’t be bothered?

I have had 2 babies at different hospitals. In the first delivery, the midwife ‘popped in to check on me’ now and then and simply called the doctor in to do an instrumental delivery when the pushing clock ran down. She didn’t do anything else - didn’t help me change positions, didn’t offer me a drink, didn’t give me adequate pain relief despite me asking (just kept saying ‘it’s coming…’), didn’t ask me how I was feeling in any way. Couldn’t have been less interested.

Second delivery far worse. I was admitted for induction and after a few hours found to be 4cm dilated. I laboured all night - a full 10 hours - in a cubicle on a ward and despite regular pleas that I was in labour, the midwives insisted I wasn’t. They didn’t exam me again, just offered paracetamol, and only took me to labour ward when I was vomiting and discovered to be in transition and 10cm dilated the next morning. I had really hoped for a water birth and I’m gutted my final labour was spent alone in the dark. The hospital apologised but what’s done is done.

I understand about overstretched NHS etc but my stories are not down to that - in both cases the midwives spent a lot of time milling about and chatting.

I feel like the only stories about midwives being great are when the birth was going well anyway so there wasn’t much for them to actually do.

AIBU to think a lot of midwives just aren’t really up to the job? Sure I’ll get my arse handed to me as I’m aware criticising medical staff is v controversial!

OP posts:
donotsweatthesmallstuff · 20/10/2025 19:49

I was very lucky to have an outstanding midwife when my daughter was born. She was dedicated, reassuring and supportive. Unfortunately, when her shift ended she was replaced by an inexperienced midwife who was accompanied by a student. Neither of these midwives inspired any confidence and my easy labour quickly deteriorated- I went from feeling very confident and in control with my first midwife to feeling very anxious with the inexperienced staff, babies heart rate turned suddenly and I required an emergency Caesarean. I think a good midwife is worth their weight in gold.

I’m currently pregnant with my second child. It is a high risk pregnancy and my midwife checks in with me after every appointment. She couldn’t be more dedicated and reassuring. I hope I’m lucky enough to have competent midwives during this birth!

Finsburyfancy · 20/10/2025 19:47

BallerinaRadio · 20/10/2025 19:45

I would imagine understaffed and overworked would probably be a fairer description

But that doesn't mean that the service provided can be described as good. Just reasons for it (sometimes dangerously) missing the mark

pavementangel · 20/10/2025 19:47

I had two polar opposite births, with my first I was very young, naive, didn't really know what I was going into. My midwife was horrible, I was desperate for a water birth but really struggled with the pain (turned out DD was back to back) and was made to feel useless because I had to get out the pool to have stronger pain relief. I was labouring on all fours as that's where I was most comfortable but was shouted at that I had to be on my back with my legs up so I naively did what I was told, resulting in a bad 3rd degree tear. Traumatised me if I'm honest.
With second DD's birth my midwife couldn't have been more amazing, I was obviously very nervous and was having a section due to trauma from pervious birth. She talked me through everything, gave me extra time to process when needed, reassured me and DH throughout and constantly checked on me, even held my hand when I was crying in fear of the spinal injection, she didn't leave my side until I was back on the ward with baby. She healed me and restored my faith in midwives. There are definitely some angels out there, hopefully in the majority.

JackandSallySkellington · 20/10/2025 19:47

Honestly mine were utterly disinterested. It was bizarre, the second lot were like they’d never actually seen a labouring woman before - I think even woman off the street would’ve guessed somebody 4cm dilated hours beforehand, with regular strong contractions and clearly in pain, was in full blown labour. It’s like it didn’t even occur to them despite me saying it clearly numerous times. I didn’t really believe this sort of thing could happen before I experienced it.

As I said before this was nothing to do with understaffing.

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 20/10/2025 19:45

I would imagine understaffed and overworked would probably be a fairer description

Finsburyfancy · 20/10/2025 19:44

Honoluli · 20/10/2025 19:42

Over 2 pregnancies I was under the care of several midwives (during antenatal care and deliveries), just one of them was not great, the others were very good!

If we're splitting between community midwives and hospital midwives, my community ones were reliably shite. Couldn't even plot the growth graph.

TY78910 · 20/10/2025 19:44

My midwife was brilliant. She was a 3rd year student so I suppose did things by the book. She got someone senior to come in only when baby was minutes from coming. She really made sure I didn’t tear that time round and gave me whatever I needed. I bought her a chocolate gift when I left because she made that much of an impression on me. I do prefer solitude when going through tough things though, so she gave me the perfect amount of space to labour and moan and groan as I needed.

Honoluli · 20/10/2025 19:42

Over 2 pregnancies I was under the care of several midwives (during antenatal care and deliveries), just one of them was not great, the others were very good!

Finsburyfancy · 20/10/2025 19:37

100% agree. With my second, I told her I was ready to push. She said "I'm sure you feel that way" and left the room. I obviously just cracked on. My husband had to run out of the room to shout at the midwife station that the baby had been born. This was a high risk birth by the way...

Jellybunny56 · 20/10/2025 19:34

I’m sorry that was your experience, I must admit though my own experience when having my daughter last year could not have been any more different. All of the midwives who cared for me during my labour & induction were absolutely amazing and I was certainly not a textbook case, pretty much everything that could go wrong, did, bit the care I received was truly amazing and I’ll always be grateful for that.

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