To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

I think you get a mix.

I've had some that have been dismissive or patronising and I've had some that have been really sensitive, kind and supportive.

I think too many midwives have a really poor attitude and are very uncaring and I honestly think that it’s endemic in some maternity wards.

@JackandSallySkellingtonOf course, but mine were good during labour too, not that they or I had much time to think about it! Not much opportunity for rubbing my back and whatnot, I was 7cm on arrival and holding DS a couple of hours later. So much for the lavender spray and battery operated candles hypnobirthing had inspired me to pack!

I really lucked out with my midwives. The qualified and student for the first few hours of my labour were nice. The midwife who was there for the birth was incredible. She explained how to help get baby into an ideal position for birth (and was very supportive, so I felt up to having a crack at some new exercises after 7 hours of labouring). When I mentioned something felt different, she immediately checked and confirmed that yes, it was the baby I could feel. Baby was born in two or maybe three pushes.

I've no doubt that that GODDESS of a woman is a large part of the reason I had such a good birth. And I'm really sorry to hear so many stories of women who didn't have that support. My baby is now over a year old but I think I probably need to send a (belated!!) thank you to my midwife...

The one I saw during pregnancy- excellent!
The two that dealt with me after being induced - terrible!
The one who held my hand /rubbed my head while I gave birth alone - excellent!

I think this is true of a lot of caring professions. People work hard to qualify and go into into them with the best of intentions, but eventually just get to a point where their enthusiam has worn off and they're desensitised. Unfortunately, by then they're trapped by pay and a goodpension and don't want to start at the bottom again in something else.

I’ve always found the community midwives to be great, really supportive and listen to wishes.

my first labour ended in episiotomy and forceps. I felt ready to push for hours and when they finally listened and checked me I was 10cm but exhausted from not having any guidance and being told to breathe through and try not to push…
second time round I vowed to listen to my body. The midwife was insistent I didn’t need to go up to l&d until my contractions matched exact length and times she wanted. They got further apart but so much more intense that I begged to go up to a pool. He was born 12 minutes after going upstairs, I told her I needed to push and wanted to get in the pool but she was sorting bloods to go to the lab and popped out to find someone to take them.I got in the pool myself and told her I could feel the baby’s head, only then did she realise I was serious and guided my breathing. After flapping to get another midwife

i think some just need to trust to actually listen to the labouring mother that she knows her body instead of sticking to certain rules of contraction times etc as let’s face it, everyone is different so you can’t blanket treat.

An old friend of mine is a midwife and she bangs on and on and on about hypnobirthing and natural births and how we must not medicalise childbirth. She's completely anti any birth intervention at all.
She gave me horrendous advice in both my pregnancies that went completely against the advice of my Obstetricians.
It was hard enough standing up against her advice in a friendship capacity, such was her forcefulness. I often wonder how many of her patients she must force her views on to who go along with what she advises in a professional capacity.

I had terrible experience, my friends from our NCT group had shocking stories, and many of my friends have terrible memories.

not being listened to, treated with indifference or even contempt, almost like the midwives were bored of the whole thing and wanted as little to do with it as possible.
exactly that, and worst.

Shame because I am sure there are some amazing professionals, and it must be really hard to work efficiently when you are surrounded by incompetence and unwillingness, but it's depressing that's it'a a common theme.

Sorry for the poor experiences. My midwives were lovely. The first time we went for a check at the unit when DS was tiny one of them ladies who delivered him was in the office but came dashing out to give me a big hug and see DS. The only thing I find a bit odd (but totally get why she might choose to do it) is that the midwife I saw for all my appointments is a friend of a friend so I’ve seen her a few times since at social events and she doesn’t show so much of a glimmer of recognition. It’s a strange for me to see the person who was there at emotional moments like when I first heard his heartbeat and such pretend she’s never met me, but I appreciate I’m just one of 100s for her and she obviously wants to keep work and social life totally separate.

1st Labour - brilliant midwife. Outstanding. I actually had 2 as there was a shift change but the first one wanted to wait as she knew I was very close!

2nd Labour - I honestly think I’d have been better on my own. I was having contractions every 2 minutes so it was slow progress making it down the corridor on the ward as every contraction I dropped onto all fours. No one helped (DH was parking the car). 2 midwife’s stood at the desk talking as I slowly made my way towards them. An hour after getting to a room I said I wanted to push, midwife ignored me. I told her ‘baby needs to come now, I don’t know why she’s not’ . She argued with me that I was wrong and would be hours. I insisted and she started reading me the riot act about dangers of being checked too regularly. I insisted. DD was caught up on a flap of skin (who knows what flap of skin or what it was doing there). She pushed that out the way and DD came out with a bang as my waters finally broke and everything erupted.
I was left with my legs in stirrups for over 45 mins waiting to be stitched up as ‘you’re a mess so I need someone to come and do it as I don’t know what to put where’. With DD behind me so I couldn’t see her. She was fine, but I was distraught as I just wanted to hold her.
she was a young midwife and I think she just couldn’t fathom that I was going a lot faster than the textbooks said. I really hope she learnt and isn’t still as awful.

Agree. I don’t trust any midwife understandably though my own experience.

I didn’t have regular contractions with either of my births and I was never observed at 10cm as both my pushing stages were 15 minutes. Midwives as individuals were okay but generally the whole thing was a shit show. With DC2 I didn’t get a midwife visit me the day after birth, was expected to drive 30 minutes with a catheter in because there were no community midwives in my area. DH was working (took a later paternity leave) and we had a toddler to collect from nursery. They eventually sent a midwife assistant who could do observations on the baby but wasn’t qualified to look at me. I had blood in my urine and was generally unwell. When end up back in hospital I had swabs for infection and was called 6 weeks later to say all clear. I made a joke that I’d assumed so given baby was 6 weeks old and she said they were “only taken on the 28” and I said “of the previous month”. I was met with silence.

No some are shit at their job.

My first labour was totally mismanaged by the midwives looking after me (long story) and I opened for elective c section with my next baby. I just had no faith in that profession. I see them as obsessed with natural birth and lack of intervention and I don’t trust them at all sadly.

I've had 8 births.

First midwife looked down her nose at me for being young, kept saying she would have to write that I was married on all my paperwork to spare me being embarrassed.

Second was lovely.

Third had a go at me for screaming so loudly, and telling her how to do her job (I asked her to break my waters) after 3 hours she finally did and ds appeared a minute later.

Fourth kept telling me I was paranoid when I said something was wrong. I was, unfortunately, correct. Then she went to visit dd in the NICU and told me she wanted some time alone with her and made me feel so unwelcome at my own daughters bedside.

Fifth was lovely.

Sixth kept trying reflexology on my feet, I asked her repeatedly not to touch my feet and she kept on anyway so I asked for a different one who was nice.

Seventh one was an absolute star, we were in hospital for a couple of weeks and she took me in packets of biscuits and made sure to have a cuppa with me often.

Eighth was nice as well.

Some of the ones on wards left a lot to be desired, and others were amazing.

I guess it's like any job, there's good and bad in them all, or even midwives having off days.

I think this applies to all nhs staff not just midwives. Some of them are great, but a huge proportion are just not interested. It’s not just a lack of staff as they seem to have plenty of time for a chat.

Thanks, that would be the dream!

Yes my overwhelming feeling after my first birth was that the midwives just did not care. The goal was everyone making it out alive - beyond that… no caring to speak of.

I was made to feel like an annoyance or an idiot throughout.

Got another one due imminently and tbh I am absolutely dreading it - it’s not a good start to be going into labour assuming the midwives will be intolerant of you.