To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

I had a hospital birth first time and the MWs were ok. The second time, I had a home birth and my midwife for that one was fantastic.

For first DC the MWs really didn’t have to do much work as I arrived at the hospital and gave birth 20 minutes later. After the birth, the care was slapdash. No one suggested putting baby to the breast- I asked if I could (it was my first baby and I had no idea!) They also left me sitting on a blood-soaked pillow for a few hours.

Second DC was born at home and the community MW was brilliant. I was hoping to have the MW I’d been seeing in clinic but she was in clinic when I went into labour so they sent a midwife from a neighbouring ward. Had never met her but she was perfect- so unobtrusive. She didn’t do a vaginal exam at all- she had enough experience to be able to gauge where I was at from my behaviour/noises. She let me know she had entonox in the car if I wanted it and then she just sat quietly out of my eyeline, observing and making notes. I did have a second MW- but only just! My regular one left her clinic and got to my house just as I was pushing. It was such a great experience.

Agree completely OP. I was put in a waiting room when I turned up fully in labour and ignored. I was practically pushing and women reading magazines were seen before me. DH told them I needed examining but was told to wait. No compassion or care. Fully dilated when finally examined and probably had been for some time.

On the maternity ward after birth I was told to stop being a nuisance when asking for help breast feeding.

Unsurprisingly I got an entirely avoidable infection and was on an IV drip for 3 days after birth.

I have never given birth but reading these horrific stories - how do you ever have the courage to have a second baby after some of these?

I will never forget the way the midwives treated me during my first birth. I was so young and they treated me like a piece of meat. They ignored me when I said I was in pain, one ignored me when I told her the pessary had already been removed and she continued to root around looking for it because my notes said it was still in place. I was then ignored when I told them something was very wrong (something was indeed very wrong). Because of them my DS was born very sick and I became very ill myself not long after. It ruined my first year with my son.

I was so deeply saddened to hear of that mother and baby who died during a high risk home birth. I felt so much empathy with that mother about why she made the decision to stay home. She felt unsafe going to hospital.

She didn't believe I was in active labour and plonked me in the antenatal ward at 10pm.

I was labouring and getting to the point where I was vocalising pain... and someone's BLOODY HUSBAND was on the other side of the famously private curtain listening to me.

I was so embarrassed and felt so vulnerable that a strange man was hearing me labour and hearing the midwife examine me a couple of feet away from me. It was horrific I felt so vulnerable.

18 years later o an still angry they let him in the ward overnight. I do understand women's need for support but it doesn't trump another woman's safety and dignity.

And yes, I've had a CS, so know what it's like.

The midwife with my 1st refused me any pain meds was pissed off I'd come in by ambulance after only 3 and a half hours of labour even though my contractions were 2 mins apart as it was my 1st so I'd be atleast a day more refused to check how dilated I was even after my waters broke in front of her told me to get changed and come back tomorrow dd was born 10 mins later with her making excuses to the other midwives about why I was being sent home.
Ds was delivered by the paramedic on route to the hospital (45 min labour including delivery) but the midwife (different from the last time) in the hospital thought she new better than the obstetrician who had been treating me my whole pregnancy and had already been to see me and was scrubbing in to remove my retained placenta, she chose to rip it out herself on the ward without my consent and almost killed me , I needed 8 pints of blood and was being prepared for an emergency hysterectomy when they finally stopped the hemorrhage.
As far as I'm concerned far to many midwives have forgotten about their actual patients and how to listen to them or anyone else because they think that they know best

My DIL and grandson almost died after 26 hours of labour in the hospital she started seizing. Eclampsia. Well I'd noticed the swelling two weeks earlier. It was dismissed. They were very ill afterwards.

Second birth they promised c section, was written across the notes. When they got there the midwives said let's go for natural. My son hit the roof. Had they read the notes, nope not yet. When they did a c section was organised pdq.

I despair at our health board.

Midwife that broke my waters couldn’t fathom that I then dilated from 3-10cm within about 30 minutes. She had me on my back with a monitor on. I was pouring with sweat and wanted to vomit, all I wanted to do was get up and move around. Eventually I ripped the monitor off (went a little bit mad during transition) and she came over and scolded me and told me I needed to think about my baby. I told her repeatedly that I wanted to push and she said it was too soon. Made me panicked that something was wrong (first labour). Thank god second midwife came in and took over, immediately checked me and saw I was 10xm and said I could start pushing. I was distracted at the time but partner told me she had words with the first midwife and seemed irritated with her. Thank god she came in when she did!
I was induced so in hospital for 2 days before giving birth. 50% of my midwives were absolutely lovely. The other 50% could not have been less interested, kind or bothered about the women in their care.

Mine were bossy, overbearing, condescending, constantly criticised doctors behind their backs and got things wrong - thanks goodness the births were relatively normal and I wasn’t a pushover - I shudder to think……
I’m sure the majority are very good, just not in my case unfortunately.

With my first baby I was induced, midwife came in and signed the ctg as ok for most of her shift. Next midwife came on, took a look and I was pretty much straight down to theatre for an emergency C-section under general anaesthetic. My baby had been having prolonged decels.

Then with my last baby who was extremely preterm I was have decels on regular monitoring. Midwives had me taken straight to high dependency labour ward and within an hour baby was also born by C-section. That midwife checked on me when baby was in nicu, popped by the nicu when she could and on day of discharge months later she was there to watch us leave together. She was absolutely amazing. One of my fears was getting put to sleep again and missing my babies birth especially given the circumstances. She went right back on my notes, spoke over what was noted down and healed a good part of me. She advocated for both me and baby every step of the way.

Mine were absolute shite for both births, and generally I have no issue with NHS staff - just midwives. I was so relieved when I was taken away from them and down into theatre during my first birth, it felt like I was finally in the hands of actual professionals. During my second birth the midwife decided to give me a patronising lecture about not breastfeeding whilst I was having a fucking epidural needle stuck into my spine. I wanted to punch her.

Wow not my experience with midwives at all, Drs? Yes.

I think it's equal, I think there's just as many good as their is bad. I've given birth 3 times

My first birth I was 21 and it was a TFMR. I was almost 24 weeks pregnant so had to give birth. I didn't want to do it, my babies organs hadn't formed and he wouldnt survive outside the womb.

The midwife I had was called Laura and she sat with me whilst I cried from sadness all the way through the labour / birth. I'm crying now just writing this. She was so so kind to me & I have never forgotten one of the conversations we had about the TFMR

My 2nd I had a horrible midwife who was really rough when she checked me when I arrived. There was a shift change and I had 2 lovely midwifes who listened to all my concerns and were just so nice

My 3rd was the worst expereice I have ever had. The two midwives I had at first were so rude and didn't listen to anything I said. I had to be induced as my baby had IUGR and they were so hostile and nasty to me. I was alone too I didn't have a partner or family member with me. Thankfully there was a shift change and my next 2 midwives was a student nurse and a really kind midwife. My baby was the first baby the student had delivered.

So out of 8 midwives there was 5 lovely ones and 3 not so lovely ones

None of my babies’ torsos rotated the way they were supposed to as they came down the canal—they got stuck, and required ventouse or forcep intervention. I recall the midwife with #2 getting cross with me, saying that I wasn’t trying hard enough/wasn’t pushing hard enough.

Always have someone partner, mum, sister in the room with you. First birth great even though back to back, 58 stitches though.

Second birth just husband in the room, he went out for a drink bitch of a midwife snuck in with a student who did an internal. I screamed in agony. Then left alone with husband who clocked baby in distress alarm going off. No-one came he rushed off to find someone. They were all watching TV. They came in took one look and suddenly the room was full, consultant, surgeon, they cut me fast and pulled baby out. What they had seen was a hand and part of an arm no head. The cord was around his neck. He came out grey and silent. Was very traumatic for husband, I was out of it at this stage.

Third one after an hour needed to push midwife said nope you're wrong only 4 cms. Husband said loudly it's her third she knows. So they looked. Baby crowning.

I repeat make sure someone is with you at all times.

Mine were generally horrible, dismissive and had a genuine disdain for women. I’ve never experienced that to the same degree in other areas of hospital. It does not surprise me that healthcare for women is the absolute pits.

Agreed. During labour the midwife made me feel inadequate by comparing my progress to the woman in the room next door to me, pointing out that she had come in to the labour ward after me yet had had already given birth. Like it was some sort of race.

I think many thick, unpleasant and self-righteous women become midwives. I'm not sure how they manage it, but this would account for the widespread experience of many women. Actually one of the thickest young women I've ever met wanted to become one, and I thought, God help the women she gets involved with.

That, and a thirst for power over other women who are in their most vulnerable state. It's not all about staff shortages, although I appreciate that's an important component.

The natural birth crowd are almost religious in their zealotry.

You’re not wrong, I got the impression the midwives were prepared for typical births but not anything out of the ordinary, I had a very fast labour and they wouldn’t examine me because I couldn’t possibly be dilated because I’d only felt contractions for 2 hours, except I was 10cm dilated and gave birth not long after.

I have had lovely midwives and some not so lovely. I would not judge them all on my experience but I think there are some who shouldn’t be in the job.

Will never forget giving birth to my second child , having a horrendous delivery ( begging for an epidural or something more in terms of pain relief and being told no you’ve still got a while left yet , then him coming pretty soon after - the midwives, I’ll give them this , did come and see me after and apologise ) . I felt horrendous after the birth - I was induced so quite a lengthy slow labour , followed by a quick delivery with just gas and air strapped to a bed . I was sick as anything after and I had specified that I would try BF but I wasn’t sold on it so was likely I would FF . I couldn’t get him to latch on , when he did slightly it was so painful , he was crying and I was just exhausted so I asked for formula to be told I hadn’t given it a chance and to have her moving his head on my breast whilst I was crying in pain telling me I wasn’t doing it right and tutting at me. Eventually another midwife gave me some formula and I soon found out he was tounge tied which was why he couldn’t latch on.

Hes 12 now and I’m still angry .

Sorry this is a long one...First child was horrific. I had recently suffered a major bereavement and as a result went into labour early. All of this was documented in my notes. After my waters breaking I was in labour for two days, before learning the baby was back to back. I had no midwife present for over eight hours at one points with other midwives refusing to give me paracetamol or gas and air, until my allocated midwife was free.

After a horrific labour and both myself and baby being seriously ill, I was given a c section. Post c section I was held in a corridor while my notes were written up. The midwife told me to try and feed the baby and laughed at me when I was embarrassed to whip my boobs out in a corridor.

My husband got to hold the baby while my notes were written. I was then wheeled down to the ward with the baby on my chest. As it was during the night noone could come and get me settled. I was (for want of a better word) dumped on the ward with the baby laid on me. I had a c section. And epidural and was unable to move. I was laid flat on my back. When I buzzed the bell, to ask someone to move the baby (I was scared I would drop her), they wrote in my notes that I hadn't bonded.

Baby was now in the crib. But I was still unable to move (covered in my own blood and vomit sorry tmi). So I pulled myself up using the bar behind me and attempted to clean my face up. After several hours a midwife came in and told me off for moving myself. Many hours later, a (wonderful) HCA came in, took one look at me and was horrified. Unbeknownst to me, my bottom half was covered in blood and looked like a scene from a horror film. My catheter had also overflowed. Lovey HCA cleaned me up and brought me a cup of tea and some toast (I'd been on nil by mouth for nearly 12 hours- longer without food).

The next day, a midwife walked into the ward and loudly proclaimed, "oh, your the one whose family member just died!!" At which point I started to cry and she walked off. Another midwife commented negatively on the appearance of my boobs when feeding. And the following night I went into a bit of shock and couldn't stop shaking. I buzzed for help (I was violently shaking) and they threw my dressing gown over me to warm me up 🙄.

If someone told me this I would never have believed it! But sadly it happened. Thankfully with dc2 they were fantastic (in training but brilliant)

I had a planned c section because I got to 42 weeks with absolutely no sign of labour. In the days leading up to it (and I'm very angry about it now), I was talked into trying induction first. I'm a very anxious person and this was my idea of hell but anyway..in I went. As soon as I arrived, I was violently sick. I got as far as lying on the bed and was about to have the balloon inserted when I suddenly realized I didn't want to go through with it and asked to go for c section as planned. The midwife who was supposedly looking after me was nothing short of horrific. Gaslit me by saying a c section would be much worse. I'd be in so much pain I wouldn't be able to do anything after etc etc. I was so shocked I didn't even know what to say. Just lay there crying. I was given a date for my c section. Got to hospital at 7am as requested, having been nil by mouth from around 10pm the night before. I kept getting pushed further and further down the priority list until it was suddenly 9 o clock at night and I still hadn't given birth or had any food for almost a day. I was sent home. The day after, after putting in some complaints about the way I was treated, I ended up having a positive and calm experience with my c section. But still feeling quite traumatized from the experience of the abandoned induction. On the postnatal ward, unable (obviously) to even sit up without assistance while recovering, I was basically ignored by the majority of the midwives. They assigned a student to do all the least glamorous jobs of changing the bloody sheets, checking the catheter etc (and she was very kind bless her). But when I needed someone to come and pass me my baby for breastfeeding I'd find myself ringing the bell again and again while many of the midwives stood in the corridors chatting/on their phones. What made it worse was that this was during COVID times so after that horrendous lead up to birth, my husband was sent home after only 1 hour. He could have stayed to help but wasn't allowed. It also transpired that some partners were told they could just stay if they kept quiet. All in all, not a good experience. When I felt ready, I put in a complaint through a committee made up of mothers who'd also given birth there. I still can't believe the lack of care and compassion shown by many of the people in that hospital. And I say that as someone working in a profession where it's something I strive for every day.

So no, OP, based on my experience: I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Unfortunately you had negative experience. I have 2, my first birth was 36 hours long, over 20 in hospital hooked up to a drip as i was dehydrated. I had 3 midwifes in at that time and they were all amazing especially the one their for delivery. Near the end i had 5 midwifes including the sister/head midwife (not sure what the official name is) in the room encouraging me to push as they didnt want me to need intervention, they were fantastic and got me to finish line. 2nd was an induction and much easier, again every midwife i came across both on wards and in labour and delivery were cracking! Im sorry you didnt have positive experiences