To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

1st birth was in the US and coming from the UK I chose a midwife-led programme, which was very unusual over there as most births are very medical and actually there are very few midwives. Most women visit their obstetrician and give birth under their care. The midwives had a lot to prove and they were amazing. I had only a 1st degree tear and felt looked after and supported at all stages.

Second birth in the UK. Prenatal care was fine. Got to the hospital in fairly advanced labour at about 6.30am and was allocated a midwife that just seemed totally uninterested. I asked her to help me give birth slowly when crowning (as I was concerned about tearing), Even when I got to pushing she basically would not talk to me. DS was born too quickly and then she said I hadn't torn. Shift change. Next midwife could clearly see I had a very bad 3rd degree tear. After a mismanaged waterbirth where I felt basically completely unsupported I needed a spinal anaesthetic to try to repair the damage (which will never be fully healed). I then got PTSD. All that could have been avoided if the midwife in charge of my birth actually did her job. I thought she may have been pissed that someone gave birth around the shift change when she wanted to go home.

Postnatal care on the postnatal ward was very stretched and I'd say inadequate, but some of the midwives were really trying their best and I appreciated that. Community midwives were generally very good.

Midwives who are shit at their job may be a minority but they need to leave or be fired as they create so much damage! Especially the ones guiding births! It's an incredibly vulnerable time for mothers and babies, and with better care we would have far less PTSD, PND and long-term health complications from birth trauma. The economic gains would pay for themselves with better investment in fit-for-purpose maternity services.

The midwives were so shit with DC1 that I hired an independent midwife with DC2. Left DH at home with DC1 and took the independent midwife with me to hospital for DC2’s birth. Funnily enough the hospital midwives were much better when I showed up with her. I admit that’s an extreme length to go to but DC1’s birth was so horrific we considered a termination when I discovered I was pregnant again, as I just couldn’t face it.

Christ, I'm not shocked no more babies. Truly awful, I hope you put a complaint in. So sorry that was your experience.

Midwives in the stand alone birth centre were all great. They had pride in their profession but also it could never be too busy as they were only two labouring rooms.

my hospital birth was Ok - a bit meh but Labour ward was bearable. Post natal midwives were terrible.

Mine were fabulous thanks.

35 years ago and not in UK.

I squatted for the birth. Natural. In the hospital. --yep. 3 medical students around. They did ask my permission. Of course! Anything to help advance students of medicine, eh?!

Isn't the whole antenatal care a bit poor in this country? So many women and children being let down up and down the country. To be honest, the whole of the NHS seems to have it's fair share of staff members who literally do what is required, no more and can't wait to get rid of you and onto the next one on the long list.
Joined up thinking between staff and departments has gone too.
Caring staff members now stand out, the rest has become the norm. It used to be the poor ones that stood out imo.

Why? Presume because demoralised, understaffed, undervalued, underpaid, long shifts, hospitals without all the equipment and beds needed and some hospitals falling down. All of it must add up. My brother (superintendent radiographer) walked out of a 30+ year career due to the stress of it all and the stupidity of management.

I had a similar experience 6 months ago. It’s as if I wasn’t there honestly. I was high risk and genuinely believe if anything had gone wrong then I would have died. Maternity service is rated inadequate to be fair… now I know why! Midwife was in the room the whole time, just didn’t give a shit. Sat on a desk in the corner and tried to look busy until they rotated shifts.

I agree, op. I begged my midwife to check to me as I thought the baby was nearly here, she walked out of the room and said I wouldn’t be any further along. 5 minutes later I nearly gave birth to my dd down the loo, with my dh shouting down the corridor for help.

I'm in Ireland, not the UK. I have nothing but good things to say about my experiences with midwives. They've been overworked and probably underpaid but also competent and compassionate.

I was in for 36 hours and had 1 who could be described as competent (and nice). The rest:

Laughed at my birth plan and took it out to show some colleagues because it was "too funny". (Absolutely nothing weird in it).

Made me pick the induction pessary out of the loo pan where I had pooed and accidentally pushed it out. Then reinserted it really roughly and scratching me.

One student just talked incessantly about all the things she was learning and all the different deaths/deformities she was learning about.

Shouted at me to stay still while having a contraction when she was doing obs.

The only time I was fed post delivery, it was a baked potato with NOTHING, not even butter because I was a vegetarian and she 'didn't know what they eat'.

Told me I was letting my baby down when I asked about formula. I HAD NO MILK. Was told it would negatively affect him now and forever.

Got told to keep him quiet because others on the ward were trying to sleep. He was starving and I couldn't feed him.

Got told off for holding him when he slept for the first time- they put him in the crib, he woke up, started screaming and they left me (EMCS- couldn't stand).

Forgot to remove the catheter and got a uti.

As I was leaving, said 'good luck, you are going to need it' and another added 'and so is that baby' then laughed.

I also had a failed anaesthetic for the EMCS but can't blame the midwives for that.

Utterly, utterly traumatic. Never dared have another baby.

Harrogate 2012.

My best midwife probably seemed like she wasn't that bothered. She left me to labour with just my husband in a quiet, dark room. Popped in occasionally to check how I was going. Then at 10cm sat on the end of the bed silently to catch the baby.

Being left alone to labour was exactly what I wanted. It was a very special and intimate time for us. I felt very empowered by that birth even if it ended in an instrumental delivery by the Dr. I don't think the hands off approach is a bad one. Maybe not everyone's choice though.

Sorry you had bad experiences.
I found the midwives incredible both times, however I thought there was an incredible amount of waste in the antenatal care leading up to birth; two midwives in some appointments; a different midwife each time - leading to different ways of measuring, and requiring growth scans unnecessarily in both instances.

100% this. There’s a thread somewhere from the other day where the poster had to have an early c-section at 33wks, baby is in NICU and the hospital kicked the poster out 16 hours after major abdominal surgery. Barbaric.

I do not know anyone in my family or friends or colleagues that has had a positive birth experience with MW. Not a single one.

I was also just treated like an annoyance, particularly in early labour. It’s terrible as you are scared and in horrific pain, dealing with women rolling their eyes.
The midwives who took on my active labour were much nicer, especially as I had a trainee and it was her first birth so exciting for her too.
I don’t know if the novelty just wears off very quickly. They were also arseholes on the ward afterwards. Woman’s husband opposite was on the phone (loudly) all day but they had a go at me for using mine to take a photo of DD, wouldn’t say anything to him.

I had a friend who argued with them because she knew her second baby would come very fast like her first. But they kept telling her to go home, until the baby started coming in the waiting room.

My midwife throughout pregnancy was an hour late every appointment, seemed like she couldn’t be bothered and repeatedly told me how busy she was during every appointment.

Days after I gave birth I had a lovely midwife who gave great advice, I was due to go home that day. Hours after talking to her I asked really politely ‘do you know if I can go home today?’ She looked at me like I was a piece of dirt and said ‘I’m not your midwife anymore, go and find out who is’ I was shocked.

I find it's a bit of a roll of the dice with any profession, but I agree for many reasons that the dice can be loaded against mothers in far too many places when it comes to midwives, as well as wider medical care during pregnancy, birth, and the early post partum period.

It's one of most likely times to experience abuse by a medical professional, and it's very difficult to get recognition of it - the moving along of midwives who cross the line has been a troubling issue for many years. I had that happen with a midwife the hospital was willing to admit acted illegally, the first midwife I had in my next pregnancy said she knew my previous one, she'd been promoted out of area.

I had some really bad midwives through both of my births, so I tend to agree! Sorry to the good ones out there.

I get the impression they think it's easy and you're making a fuss about nothing. You'd think they see enough births go wrong to be aware of the possibilities but instead it seems to push them the other way, convinced your body is designed to do this and you need to just get on with it.

@MakeMineADietCoke elcs the second time, give me a doctor over a midwife any day of the week.

I found it to be quite hit and miss. The one on the induction ward was a little eye-rolly when I was asking for pain relief, the one at the actual birth was great, then the postnatal ward ones ranged from horrendous- denying pain relief which was on my chart because I ‘hadn’t had a c section so didn’t need any’ (I’d had a 3rd degree tear + episiotomy), refusing to help with BFing then writing bitchy comments in my notes about my husband getting a bottle of formula- to lovely and amazing.

Having recently supported my daughter through a traumatic birth and postnatal
experience yanbu . I was appalled at what I witnessed and wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. We had a de- brief and complained but were met with defensiveness and inaction. I feel that women’s
health care, particularly maternity services are at rock bottom at the moment.Where has care and compassion gone?

My first was awful forced on oxytocin and I was in so much pain. Absolutely no advice on how to progress. My second the midwives were lovely but had to wait ages for pain relief. Baby was back to back and they manually turned her without asking it was agony. I had a buttonhole tear, no one told me although I did get it repaired

I've only given birth once but I think I saw every midwife in the trust! The community midwives were fine (I think I had a different one for each of my appointments). They all had different personalities, some I gelled with more than others but none of them unpleasant.

When I was in labour the first midwives I had were useless. They had to break my waters and were really rough with me. It may well have been necessary but there was no sympathy in their actions or words - no reassuring me or explaining things. And they couldn't get my drip into my hand and ended up putting it in a really awkward place so I couldn't use my dominant hand at all. There was again no sympathy or apology or empathy. They just didn't explain anything. When I said I wanted to push they told me not to. It was my first baby so I hadn't a clue and trying to not push made me so scared and uncomfortable. All they suggested was that they get the anaesthetist for an epidural. I was clear I didn't want that but that was literally the only help they offered and just melted into the background otherwise. I wish they'd explained how what I was feeling was my baby moving into the birth canal and they had helped me to find a more comfortable position etc.

Then another midwife came on shift and was AMAZING. She explained everything and coached me through all the breathing etc. She sent the anaesthetist away and refused to leave the room. I heard her calling down the corridor "No, you come here. She doesn't want me to leave her" and it made me feel so safe. She was brilliant and exactly who I needed.

YANBU. My first birth was fine, my midwife was amazing.

My second birth was not. I had a contraction tracker on my phone to record length and time between contractions. They were coming constantly and I was obviously in pain, because, you know, labour! I told the midwife the baby was coming NOW. She helpfully gave me a paracetamol and kept waving me off with a breezy “Well you’re on the list to have your waters broken in the morning!” (It was around midnight, I was 13 days overdue and only needed the first part of the induction before labour started strongly). I apparently wasn’t dilated enough so clearly not ready to birth…

My waters broke about 20 minutes after that interaction, so I pressed my buzzer, a student MW wandered up a few minutes later and asked if I needed anything and I was like “Yeah my waters have gone”, she looked at the readout of my monitors, went “Oh my god!” And suddenly I was surrounded by people who flew me up to the labour ward, where DS was born 5 minutes later. I was that deeply in labour I was actively pushing in the bloody lift