To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

I was 17 and just under 5 ft tall when I had my first. Got to hospital around 2.30am. Had a bath and was left alone with my husband until nurse came in and told him to go. He said he’d stay till I fell asleep and was told to go, I wouldn’t go to sleep with him there.

Fortunately he stayed. I could feel the baby coming but couldn’t reach the buzzer. H pressed the buzzer and nurse came and told him “it wasn’t a bloody taxi service”. By this time I was pretty much trying to hold the baby’s head back.

H told them the baby was coming, they had a look and then they moved. She was born at 4.00 with no pain relief.

there was an almost identical story in the news a couple of years later, the baby died.

My second baby .. 11 years later! .. I had decided to scream the place down and get some attention this time … unfortunately I was in too much pain to manage a scream. Got to hospital around 2.30 am was told too soon for painkillers. Left completely alone. H had been sent out while I was examined .. and not asked back so the fool stayed outside, although I had drilled into him “don’t leave me”.

it was just on unbearable when they had another look at me, and said too late for painkillers. Baby born at 04.05.

no bad outcomes for me but no good care. seems part of the problem is that no matter how badly things go the mothers thank the staff on the way out .. because by then they are only aware they have a healthy baby.

I had a really horrible experience with the midwife. She was so unsupportive and rude. I was very nervous as I was a first time mum with a high risk pregnancy and she did nothing to help me at all. She was rolling her eyes at me, telling me to get on with it and saying things like "it's not difficult you just push" and "if you don't hurry up il cut you". When the doctors came to assist she immediately changed and began encouraging and telling me I was doing great. Once they left she told me she'd be speaking to the hospital social worker as she felt I'd be too anxious and overwhelmed to deal with a small baby. It took me five years to actually write a formal complaint.

It's really sad to see so many women having a goddam awful time when they should be having, well, not a happy experience (ouch) but certainly a more positive, excited for the future with their new little one experience. It's awful.

In the hospital I had DS1 in they would strap you in to the CTG (on your back, unable to move) leave you and then they could watch it on a screen in the nurses station.

I find this so crazy, with both my births there was a midwife in the room with me at all times, though this may be because baby 1 came 3 hours after I arrived and baby 2 within 45 minutes 🤣 arrived at 8cm in the middle of the night lol. I found the community care far less the second time around but could not fault the ladies at the hospital, although the one that did my stitches took WAY longer than I'd have liked. Standard of care should be the same across the board and it saddens me to realise it seems more like a lottery

I didn't, there were other reasons why I did not have another but one of the main ones was the fear of going through it all again would give me a breakdown.

Mine too.

The community ones were good but not in the hospital. Had all the usual issues of being told I wasn’t in labour and to go home. By the time I got to the end of the corridor I was crawling in agony. Why do they DO that - you hear it so often?

Another grumpy one walked around the ward with new mothers loudly telling her colleagues how bloody ugly some of the newborns were. Nice.

I’m sure there are good midwives somewhere!

Mine was so horrible that I had to have counselling to help me come to terms with the verbal abuse, the rudeness, the fact that when I was in transition and beside myself with pain according to her I was in slow labour and "fussing about nothing" and needed the labour accelearting as I had "at least 12 hours to go". She took the gas and air off me as she said it was making me "silly" and she wasn't having "silly behviour". So I had no pain relief . Off she went to get a drip and I started pushing , husband rang for help and she came storming back into the room yelling "what on earth do you want now?" saw the head and then started shouting at me for not telllng her I was about to give birth! I had my baby ar 11.30am instead of the predicted after midnight What sadens me is that my terrilble experience was not in any way unusual I never had another child, there were lots of reasons for this decision but one of them was the utter terror that I experienced under the "care" of that nasty bitch. If you don't like women, noise, babies and the unpredicatalbity of childbirth why be a midwife?

My only experience was 13 years ago, the community midwives treated me like a disease and constantly sneered at me but the HDU nurses were the polar opposite and I owe them more than I can ever repay. I was shunted out of the HDU at 4am into the postnatal ward and I didn't see a nurse, midwife or doctor again for 36hrs when a consultant agreed to let me go. It was a total shambles.

My birth was absolutely horrendous and ended in forceps, a lot of tearing and nearly 2 litres of blood loss. But my midwife was utterly fantastic- couldn't fault her

My experiences around and leading up to both births were great with the midwives involved but with my first it was the 2014 midwife strike 2 days after she was born and I stayed in for 4 days post birth mainly due to the strike.

The bank staff that had agreed to come in and support and not strike were awful. I was in a side room and was shouted at by one to keep the curtains open on the window so they could check on me as they walked past, then 15 minutes later shouting at me to shut the curtain as I was trying to breastfeed and it was visiting time. I just laughed, I was on a post birth high so didn’t care but they were so rude.

Post c section with my second I noticed a noticeable change in the way they treated me once I dropped into the conversation that I was a bit gutted to have had to have a section but I had been brought in with a days notice when the baby was scanned for the 2nd time in a transverse position and measured v big and strongly persuaded into a c section for the safety of the baby. I genuinely think they were being cold and unpleasant because I was in the planned section bay and they thought i had chosen a section. Pretty sad though really

The senior paramedic also had to tell them to turn the lights on, I believe, so that his team could even see what they were doing. Presumably these midwives were trying to make & read notes, & then resuscitate the poor baby, in the dark.

Oh but they don't like educated or intelligent women! Then you're labelled as 'difficult'.

I was ok with my gynaecologists as they actually listened to me rather than dismissed me, but even they, along with my GP, were flummoxed when I asked them - 'Why is getting very low dose HRT at my age (30s), so difficult or apparently risky when the NHS prescribes and practically pushes the contraceptive pill (a much higher hormone dose), on thousands or even millions of women, many of whom haven't even stopped growing yet at they're in their mid teens. And their hormone dose is so high, it stops the natural process of ovulation completely, as opposed to HRT that just acts like a top-up or supplement?

I have yet to receive an answer.

I am sorry you had such a negative experience. I have pretty much mostly fantastic midwives. Once, there was one who got a bit impatient with me (my labours were not all textbook) but fortunately her shift ended and a much better one turned up.

I use a midwife group that you see one of the team each appointment and then one of them delivers you. So I met all the midwives before delivery.

Not in UK though, not sure they have similar setups there.

When i had a miscarriage in the same hospital one of the midwives saw my name and remembered me (she'd delivered two of my babies) and came to see how i was Lovely woman!

I’m a midwife, not in UK. Shocked at some of these comments..honestly in my unit this just wouldn’t happen, all women are treated with utmost respect and kindness. We have a great team with great management.
we aim for 1:1 care so I’m sure that makes a difference. But even when busy, I have never seen a woman treated badly whether we are busy or not..

My main midwife was amazing. However, the one who relieved her for 30 minutes was cold as ice and basically sneered at me for having an epidural!

The not being believed is awful and seems to happen so often. I had the same with my first.

I was induced and then told things would take ages to start, husband was sent home for the night. I had strong contractions pains and a few hours later felt my body pushing. I told the midwife and she just told me 'you won't be ready yet so don't push or you'll do some damage'. I was totally alone on the ward, I remember staggering back and forth to the toilet not knowing what was happening and trying to fight against my body. Finally someone did check me and realised I was fully dilated and rushed me to a room and called my husband back in. I was then made to birth on my back (for 'monitoring') and surprisingly this position didn't work great so they gave me an episiotomy

Second birth was amazing - a home birth in the pool, born before the midwives arrived 😆 I think I subconsciously put off calling them as I had lost trust in them. The midwives who arrived after were amazing though, so lovely and supportive even if they missed the actual birth. I wonder if there's something different about homebirth midwives, a different philosophy

I dunno, can't generalise. Some were a bit rubbish, some were great. I didn't really need anything from them, so guess it doesn't feature much for me, looking back

Which countries were these in?

I’m not sure I want to express an opinion on the state of midwives as I don’t work in maternity but I dont think most people have any idea of the state of morale in many areas of the NHS or public service. Pay and conditions are generally dire and staffing levels are low for what they are asked to do.

But ime birth on the continent is much, much more medicalised than in Britain and choices are generally fewer.

I've heard of this being routine in the U.S, but not the UK. I thought they were more considerate here or try to put the baby on the chest first?

Working in healthcare is a profession these days for people to have a stable job and source of income. Do they actually want to CARE FOR and HEAL people? Think that applies to a small minority of them. This hors for most professions, so not picking on them only.

Agree without having to read your full post even. I really didn’t like the midwives when I was in hospital after birth. Found them very ‘hard’ and didn’t listen to me; I also feel they’re a lot like yoga teachers where everyone’s ‘methods’ are different. It’s not at all what I want in a medical setting!!! Tbh it was one of the reasons I don’t think I’ll have another baby.

I genuinely think the push for natural birth is so often underpinned by hospital / staff politics, misogyny, and the sense of control and satisfaction is gives some midwives. It's not just a cost cutting measure.

I do think some of them are probably burnt out, plus highly aware of the need to put safety first/ protect themselves professionally and that comes at the expense of a more compassionate, woman centred approach.