To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

Gosh, I thought they would be fab, but actually when it dawned on me the community midwife was dangerously rubbish, put me and my unborn child at massive risk, it was terrifying.

The midwives at the hospital before I had the baby didn't give a shit either, chatting and gossiping. They gave me the wrong meds, had to have Cs. Has planned lovely water birth.

The fab midwives in theatre and after saved me my and baby's life. Amazing women.

The ward after was staffed by midwives of all ages whom ranged from casual cruelty to contempt. One even removed my baby without speaking in the dead of night then left the ward. One said ' what nonsense' when I asked for someone to help me to the loo. She hadn't read my notes. I struggled alone, then collapsed bleeding out in the loo.

One told me my baby was losing weight so I couldn't leave. I asked to see her workings out as baby looked fine to me. Lucky I did, because she couldn't do % . I was gone within hours. She didn't apologise.

Two midwives out of them were amazing. One showed me how to bf, and the other found a giant baby bath from decades ago and showed me how to bath a baby. Brilliant. They were both agency midwives and said they would never work at the hospital permanently. Too stressful.

The people PATS I think said many women had complained about the maternity ward, but the mw just ganged up and blamed the mum for being hormal / rude so nothing was ever done.

This
I hate this narrative that exists that midwives or health visitors should have children to have that job... so a cancer doctor/ nurse should have cancer to do their job

Same, early this year. I wrote them a thank you card! The whole team including all midwives and the obstetrician (instrumental delivery) were incredible and so dedicated. I also found the community midwives really helpful. But I know multiple people (different hospitals and cities) with very different experiences so YANBU

I had mixed experiences, mid wife during c section was amazing, mid wife after it was awful, to the point my partner went to the desk in the middle of the night and was quite firm that I needed help. Breastfeeding support was shockingly inadequate. 2 community mid wives during pregnancy one was beyond amazing, the other not great couldn’t be arsed. I think it’s hit and miss that was just the experience of one child and pregnancy

Because they refused to listen.
I’d had quite a lot of trauma around births already, I have a serious heart condition that no one took seriously, and I was genuinely scared they weren’t listening. I kept asking the midwives to read my notes, but they put them out of reach for me, they took my notes out of the room “to chart stuff” and when it came back, huge chunks were missing, which I questioned and was told I was “neurotic” and “over tired”. They literally didn’t give a flying fuck.
I knew if I could get to my family GP, which at the time was a man who had treated me my entire life, he would listen and actually do something. Which is what eventually happened. It took a while for me to trust the NHS again, and when I took the baby in to see him at 3 weeks old, he literally took one look at his back and started the whole process, all the while saying it should have started at birth. My son has congenital spinal scoliosis and a heart issue both of which were picked up on my 20week and every subsequent scans. The midwives did not listen and did not care.

It doesn't make sense. If your baby needed all those scans X-rays etc ( there must have been something showed up wrong in pregnancy) then why in earth would you discharge yourself.?

That was very wrong of them, it can be a bit of a production line mentality in some hospitals, they’re so busy and the midwife can be under alot of pressure to move you to the ward once you’ve delivered but they should of offered you a bed bath if they needed to move you that quickly. Also standard practice to facilitate at least an hour skin to skin and first feed with baby after the birth and then do the baby check, weight etc so there shouldn’t be any reason for them trying to get you up that soon. ( Although maybe no one available to give bed bath) The production line mentality js something I hated working as a hospital midwife, you’ve just cared for a couple through this amazing experience but from the second the placenta is delivered, the clock is ticking and from a management perspective you are entirely judged as to how quickly you can get that women to the ward (with completed tickbox list of shower, first feed etc) It’s not unusual to be allocated another labouring woman before you’ve even been able to transfer a lady, let alone have 5 minutes to get a drink in between. From the management perspective they need that midwife asap to care for more people and sometimes the room too. Although even on a quiet day it’s still expected everything is done and ward transfer done within a timely manner. Particularly if coming up to a shift change,

I love Call the Midwife but never ever, not even once have they shown a right bitch of a midwife being verbally and/or pyhsically abusive to a labourng woman. They always listen, support and encourage the woman. I think it would make a good plot line for a right hard faced cow to join the team and for the programme to explore the dynamics of how this sort of attitude impacts on women giving birth and colleagues who do not work in this way. I know it is fiction but I think it would be interesting

Some of the best midwives I know have been those without children.

I was quite a young Mum but well used to looking after tiny babies due to work and wider family etc.

I was holding newborn DS in the ward and this horrible Midwife screamed at me from the other side of the room "Don't hold your baby with one hand, you're going to drop him". Naturally everyone then stared at me probably expecting to see DS to be swinging by his ankles.

It must have been a weird angle or my dressing gown camouflaging my other arm as I was sitting on the hospital bed holding him perfectly well in the standard crook of arm cradling style supporting him with 2 arms and 2 hands.

I was absolutely devastated by her aggressive accusation and spent about the next half an hour hysterical with the other Mum's trying to console me.

Midwife just turned and left with an arrogant swagger.

At an ante-natal appointment a Midwife asked how I was getting on, I had never had morning sickness at all but it suddenly started around 7 months so I mentioned it and her reply was "being sick is part of pregnancy" - why even ask then if you're not interested?

To me it felt like an achievement after how my first birth went. It's something I wanted to do and it's something I managed to do, so therefore I achieved my goal of having a vaginal birth

I have actually found that some of the issue is midwives who haven’t had a baby yet. They can’t seem to compute that it really bloody hurts and it’s not for attention, or fussing.

I had a friend who was a midwife (no children) who told me how annoying the women who screamed were as it “couldn’t hurt that much”
If you’ve never experienced it it can be easy to brush off another persons pain.

I'm a midwife so I know a lot of midwives. I've also had three children and come across a lot of midwives.

I work my arse off to ensure those in my care have the best care I can give. I regularly work through my break, start early and leave late so I can ensure I provide what I promise. I'm lucky as a specialist I can basically set my own workload and I take pride in going above and beyond. I can't make the experience better but I can make it smoother and easier and give women somewhere they can get information and support fron even if it's outside my area. I've been lucky enough to work alongside like minded midwives who really do provide amazing care. I've also been lucky enough to have been looked after by midwives who have been supportive, helped me get the best birth experience I could have, who recognised I wasn't well mentally and got me care asap.

I sadly have been cared for by midwives who really couldn't have given less of a shit if they tried. I've been bullied to the point of leaving, and have been made to feel so low and alone. The phrase "eating your young" is still sadly too relevant, and putting in complaints against these bullies get you nowhere. This in turn means midwives burn out and leave or turn into bullies themselves to survive. This then sadly gets reflected in the care they give.

I have given birth 3 times, twice in hospital and they’ve all been crap.
Each time I’ve refused to be examined due to pelvic girdle pain and have had midwives withold pain meds due to this.
i have a history of quick labour, but was left alone when I said I needed to push, midwife came in to find me hanging onto a half born baby, having not had even had gas or air and I have asked for an epidural every time, it was on my birth plans only to have them deliberately mess around until it was too late.

I had my last at home (unintentionally) and it was by far the best experience, no one tried to stick their fingers in me or tried to make me birth in a position that suited them rather than me, and I knew I wasn’t getting any pain meds, rather than constantly meeting some determination not to let me have them.

I agree op, I had to be induced with my last baby.

I was told to stop screaming, too late for pain relief, told i couldn't change postions and dont worry you won't tear (i did). Midwife seemed uninterested and bored of me. She even chatted to another midwife and they both rolled their eyes at me.

I can appreciate she could of had a busy day, a lot going on etc I just wished she would of once told me I was doing well, some encouragement.

My first labour (16 years previous) was amazing, wonderful caring midwife even though she was exhausted she never stopped being helpful, kind and considerate.

Just being curious. Why did you feel you needed to 'achieve' a kind of birth?

I had completely blocked out the health visitor!!
with my first, after a very speedy birth, being totally shell shocked and being told “you’re just a paranoid 1st time mum” at the hospital, when I pointed out that baby should have had X-rays, mris and so on for scoliosis, I discharged myself. The nurses and midwives were furious saying that I couldn’t, it was kidnap to take the baby that quickly, I had to wait for discharge from the doctor etc.
By midday I had had enough and left, setting off all the alarms, but very reasonably had pre called the none emergency police number and informed them what was going on, and had informed the hospital security too.
After a few seconds struggle where they were fighting to get me and the baby back to bed they let me leave after my husband held up his phone and told them he was going to report it to the police as kidnap of our baby and holding me against my will.
Eventually we get home and next day the health visitor comes. I’m in tears because BF just wasn’t happening, so I was pumping with a really shit pump, I was 2 days PP and I felt awful after no sleep and the chaos of the day before.
The health visitor swanned into my living room like she owned the place, dumped her bag on my great grandmothers vintage armoire that NO one ever put anything on without a cloth under it, and proceeds to tell me I’m “starving baby”, grabs my boob and twists it (whilst I’m still attached to the pump) and heel pricks my son. At this point we are both crying, my husband is looking furious and about to throw hands with her.
she proceeds to shout at me that the reason BF isn’t working is because I am “being pathetic and giving up” by giving him pumped milk in a bottle, he “will have major nipple confusion and it’s all your fault” I’m crying even harder and my husband just grabs a blanket and throws it over me and baby and growls at her to get out.
she protests, claims she’s “helping” and she has to weigh baby and do all sorts of checks. My husband assures her she will weigh less if she comes around here again, probably the amount her teeth weigh and she calls the police.
I knew the local police as many of them are old family friends, so mistake number 600 I think. I also had pre warned them the night before about the NHS attitude to my baby and had helpfully been recording everything.
The police didn’t even bother coming, they told the Health Visitor that she has no right to intrude in our home and any “checks” that “lawfully must happen” can be performed by parents and simply told to her over the phone.
She protested stating that she was concerned I would hurt my baby as I “was totally nuts” and they advised that she could request a hold.
She never even tried it, and I never saw her again.

I had one midwife who worked for one to one who was brilliant. The others have just been a bit rubbish unfortunately. The last lot changed my care over from one county to another (live on the border) at 38weeks the whole time never really telling me if I would be supported to have a home birth (I labour quickly so its the best option for me) when I was in labour I rang them up only to be disbelieved that I was as far in labour. Apparently if you can talk its not happening anytime soon. Well that baby was born at home with no midwives they even got lost when they finally did come. I just felt so unsupported. That was for a straight forward birth must be awful if you have complications.

And staff with poor moral values, character or backbone!!

@CoffeeCantataI agree with that too. It’s poor or absent management which has allowed that culture to flourish, though.

@NorthXNorthWesttotally agree 👍

Totally get what you’re saying but as I keep banging on about, it’s a culture which develops within the group. It happens in many settings but when it’s healthcare it’s serious.

For eg, I worked in museum education and in one of these tourist attractions I was immediately struck by the cynicism and rudeness of the staff - they seemed to dislike visitors and almost competed to be unhelpful and unwelcoming. They’d all been there too long, they’d forgotten the purpose of their jobs and had fallen under the influence of a nasty, rude ringleader. Lunch breaks were a series of anecdotes about stupid members of the public and laughing about how they’d put them down.

I’m not saying mws are all like this - it’s an extreme example - but it can happen that people lose sight of the purpose of their jobs and get caught up in an ‘us versus the punters’ mentality, especially if a strong character among them encourages this attitude. I’ve seen it in teaching too. No -one’s immune and trainers and management need to be watchful about such attitudes developing.

I feel like reading your second birth was like it was my first! Freaky!

Yep - I was induced early and the night shift midwife wouldn’t believe I was in labour, told me to get out of the corridor on the birthing ball in case someone came through, I thought that heavy pushing feeling must be needing a poo as she was so sure I was not in labour so went and locked myself in the toilet to try. Came out, vomited twice, waters broke and then she asked if I was pushing!

I did have a lovely one when I finally got to the labour ward for the very short time I was there.

Although after then left alone, went to shower, felt weak and crawled to the bed with blood everywhere telling DH holding DS1 that I was fine whilst I pressed the call button.

second birth amazing midwife who knew my history after PTSD from it all and she stayed the whole time even after her shift had finished to see me through!

I’m going to be honest. I know 2 midwife’s and a nurse. One is my best friend 😬 so I know her very well. I would not let any of them look after my health with any authority. They are not very bright and I know from my friend that they will pass anyone and everyone eventually (no one is told they can’t do it they all pass). Nursing in general isn’t for clever ppl anymore, they let anyone do it. So I believe what you’re saying, I’m sure there’s some amazing ones but there’s also some that just aren’t very clever and I wouldn’t trust to oversee a cat giving birth never mind a human 😅