AIBU to try to steer my DS into a well paid career against his dreams

He sounds like a brilliant son! Bright, ambitious with a real passion for something - you should be 100% behind him. I was a straight A student a long time ago but always had my heart set on being a fashion designer - and I pursued my dream and never regretted it - i earn 6 figures and love my job!
Encourage your son to explore his passions, get as much work experience as possible probably not just in theatre but also in finance - only way he's going to work out what he wants. I know plenty of friends who went to uni and studied medicine, dentistry, law and all hated their jobs - only worked for 2 to 3 years after graduating. One now works as an artist, other one as a textiles artist and published her own book, and the other runs her own craft business. Yes they earn less money but they are so much happier. I also went to school with a girl who was very bright and chose to be an actress then moved into script writing and has had some fantastic jobs. It sounds as though your son is very talented and driven, who's to say he can't be the person that does make it in his chosen profession.

I would let him follow his dream. My dad pushed me into a science degree (it was that or being kicked out of home, as my option). I wanted to study social work. He shouted at the top of his lungs, that is silly, dumb and is a wishy washy career. He said that no good will come of it. He said I have no choice.

I really resent him for this. I ended up being mediocre at uni (no motivation and felt depressed). I changed degrees and graduated average in another field. My dad didn’t congratulate me. Where was my mum? Meekly standing to the side, didn’t want to get involved. No congratulations from her either.

Don’t put guilt and pressure on your kid to study something they are not into.

My DD is still small but she 100% will be free to choose her career path and I will be cheerleading her all the way.

I agree with @Bushmillsbabe’s comment: Its his life, and ultimately he will be the one to live the consequences of his actions, not you. He is old enough to understand his choices, please let him make them.

What you can do is share what @Overtheatlantic has said- advise him to have a backup plan in case things don’t work out. Being flat broke when you’re 20 can be fun, but it’s not so much fun at 30!

I had similar with my son. Very good brain could’ve done anything. Wanted to pursue the world of his hobby that he was obsessed with.. I figured if he’s happy he’ll likely achieve more than if he’s not happy no matter what he does. I wanted him waking up every morning looking forward to the day.

I understand how you feel and it’s really hard.. but they have to make their own choices and you don’t want him resenting you in the future.

I acquired all the cultural capital in the world and followed my passion of Literature and writing but it got me nowhere because I didn’t have the financial capital or the solid middle class background to carry me through difficulties. I didn’t have a father that encouraged me to do anything. He never achieved anything in his life except to be on benefits.
So, in my experience, it is better to be financially well off and to pursue his interests in his free time. When you are stuck in a low paying job for a whole decade, it stunts your development. It’s hard to meet your future wife and start a family. Ordinary things like that start becoming a luxury.

I feel like people don't realise that it's pretty easy to fail at banking/law/consultancy too! Especially if you don't have a particular aptitude for or interest in it. The BPTC costs tens of thousands of pounds, lots of people who do it don't get pupillages, and of those who do, very few will be earning megabucks.

Lots of people have perfectly solid careers in the world of theatre - if not as directors or actors, then in marketing, the technical side, and all the other finance, legal, HR, etc. jobs that any large institution needs. If your son is bright, dedicated, and has some talent - and especially some parents with money behind him - why shouldn't he be one of them?

He will learn valuable transferable skills from pursuing theatre. He can always do a law conversion course or train as a chartered accountant later. However, with so many jobs being swallowed up by AI, he might find that a career in something that is AI proof has better long term prospects.

Life is short. Let him do what he loves.

Sounds as though he is very passionate about theatre, acting etc. I would allow him to do that for the summer.

Exactly this.

Depends. Do you have financial resource to fund a house deposit for him?

People can and do take a show to the fringe as a hobby and not make a career out of it. The fringe is there year on year. Internship opportunities in your second or final year of uni are not. I'd encourage him to apply and turn them down if he changes his mind. All sorts could happen with the idea of taking a show to the fringe.

I get the fear, and trying internships is a good idea, especially if you are willing to finance him to do so (paying rent so he can live near where the work is for instance). However, it’s one thing to get him to try it, another to expect anything to come of it. If it’s not something he really, really wants to do, that lack of enthusiasm is likely to come through in interviews, and he may well not get an internship anywhere.

If he does, and is good enough to then get a job offer for when he graduates, and he still doesn’t want to go into that field, then forcing him means you’re on a hiding to nothing. The kind of jobs you are talking about require total commitment, and 60+ hour weeks. If someone’s not pretty passionate about and committed that kind of role, they are going to be miserable, and burn out quickly. Is that really what you want for him? Or to give a shot at something he loves, without closing other doors?

Surely he can apply for both? In this job market he will be lucky to get either!

Also: someone else made the point upthread, but some aspects of law and entry level banking jobs will be replaced by AI. You don’t know what his working world will look like, it won’t be the same as yours.

His brain will still be there if he goes down the acting/director route. Yabu to interfere, by all means say what you think and your reasovs career wise but there shouldn't be any pressure

It’s his life not yours. You’ve had your chance to choose now it’s his. I suggest going to open days at unis that offer courses in what he is interested in. The talks we heard at open days in this field totally contradicted your opinions re financiers and job availability.

YABU and you know it.

It’s his life not yours.

You said yourself that you’re trying to get him to “maximise his income over perhaps his happiness”. Would you prefer your child be unhappy and rich? What’s the point in the money then?

You’re also trying to manipulate him and clearly don’t trust him to run his own life.

Back off. He may make it in theatre, he may not. He may mess with it for a bit, get some experience and then get a more traditional job and do bits of theatre on the side like my BIL does. Or he may end up having a good job in theatre like my SIL did, before cancer led to heaven at 39.

Support him to do it. He'll likely find that it isnt as great as he thinks. If he does like it initially in a few years when his friends are taking exotic holidays and he cant join them or buying homes while he's struggling to make rent he may change. All you can do is point out the usefulness of a great degree to fall back on if his plans dont work out.

If he organises a show at the fringe it will be a positive on his cv, he’ll have great examples for teamwork, dealing with budgets etc.

This, 100%. The graduates I know who have just finished this year have really struggled to find internships and grad jobs. And the world of work has changed beyond anything we recognise from our experience.

He's got to find a way to fund himself, but let him find his way.

My DS is desperate to be a footballer. We always knew it was a risk, but we encouraged it regardless. He’s doing well and plays for a Premier League team’s academy but we know that could fall apart for various reasons. We explained all of this to him and he’s realistic about it, so we make sure he studies too. If he gets dropped in a years time we’ll support him in doing something else. That’s all you can do. Encourage him, and be there if it falls apart. It’s mean to not let him follow his dreams even if they’re not realistic

I’m with you, it’s a hobby not a career

The worst thing you can do.

Honestly, my father tried it and failed. One of many unpleasant reasons I'm NC with him, his disgusting attitude eroded my self-esteem and confidence.

It's one thing to have open discussions with your child about careers and money and entirely another to steer or, rather, force them to change their own preferences.

Your child will likely excel in their own chosen field and if not, let them try, learn, leave and move on. Do not ruin them.

FWIW, I went my own way, rebelled against my father and outperformed him financially by a mile by mid-30s, so there you have it. Different career to your son's and one you'd probably look at more favourably, but it wasn't easy to reach my level and money wasn't lying around ready to be picked off the floor for nothing.

I have a lot of sympathy with your concerns. I think you should support him but also get him to think about a back up plan. What will he do if he can’t make money from his first choice of career, given how precarious it is?