AIBU to try to steer my DS into a well paid career against his dreams

Haven't you seen Dead Poet's Society?

Can he not do both. Follow his dreams when he's young with no responsibilities then get a career when he's older and is sick of being skint?

@Putneydad7 I'm afraid you need to let him live his own life and make his own decisions.

What is his concept of money like? Is he good at budgeting and understands the cost of living? I assume you won't be funding this lifestyle?

Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. Perhaps he will end up being successful? Perhaps he will realise that it isn't a feasible lifestyle choice and have it as a hobby whilst pursuing something else?

My cousin wanted a career in musical theatre (amazing singer/dancer) but several years later she is yet to get anywhere, not even a job on a cruise ship! It is much tougher than she thought, and she is currently back from a season working as a singer in a tourist resort abroad, and is slowly realising she might need a plan B.

But OP, he's not making a lifelong commitment.

I worked in the theatre as a teenager/ early 20s. I learnt a LOT , had a whale of a time and had some great experiences.

Then I decided to do my professional training in something completely different. I have a very successful career that I love and earn an excellent salary.

No regrets, just happy memories.

I don’t think we will necessarily know what the best paid jobs will be or how many entry level jobs will be available. Take a look at Channel 4 Dispatches on this evening - fascinating on the potential impact of AI on jobs

If he chooses his path and it goes wrong it’s his decision. If you choose his path and it goes wrong he will resent you forever. Give them roots and wings.

@Gettingbysomehow Exactly. Have a backup plan is the best advice that the OP can give to his son. Then him get on with it.

I know someone who studied Fine Art and now runs a handyman business. He still paints and pays the bills with his business.

This

Your son has been funnelled down the educational pipeline for at least 13 years. He has played the game.
Now it is time for him to exercise HIS choices and for you to let him be.
You may think you have his happiness at heart but maybe you do not. You want him to keep playing the game... your game, not his.
He is an intelligent adult, young but still adult, and has the brain to understand the implications of what he is doing.
The idea of funnelling this creative person into some grim banking/legal internship makes me feel quite unwell.

For years he'd say things like "yes but you didn't even go to university, did you?" and other jibes. I went back and got a first (in a subject he thinks is a joke subject) but now have huge debt and no job opportunities as I did it as a mature student while also a single mum, so jobs are hard to come by.

I know if I had taken it when my friends did I would have been much further advanced in my career prospects, as they are. I will never ever be making or stopping DD doing what she actually has a passion for. I lost about 20 years working in offices bored out of my brain.

I agree with this.
Assuming as you and your wife have done well in your careers this means you have a high standard of living. Does your son understand that the lifestyle he has been brought up being accustomed to comes with having money - if he understands that then I would leave him be!

when I was at uni, I worked in a clothes store and a colleague who came from a very wealthy family (and funnily enough was try to become an actor whilst working part time in the store) had absolutely no concept of money. It was totally bizarre, he had no idea what stuff cost because everything had been handed to him on a plate for 20 years

I’m a City lawyer. I love my job and I wouldn’t do anything else. BUT it is not for the half hearted. You cannot succeed in this line of work unless you’re all in at the beginning.

If he was my son I would back the theatre career to the hilt and support him to throw himself at that in his 20s on the proviso that he finishes his degree as well. If it doesn’t happen for him, he can always recalibrate later. It never hurts to have a plan B.

I did an English degree so know loads of people that went the theatre route. My best friend from uni is a TV producer and earns very good money.

.y son is a very talented artist and his small artwork can go for 1K each. However he can't make a living out of it because people aren't buying paintings in the current economic climate. So he works for social services to make most of his living.
You can't rely on selling 10 paintings a year to pay the mortgage.
Your DS needs a back up.

Your son has been funnelled down the educational pipeline for at least 13 years. He has played the game.
Now it is time for him to exercise HIS choices and for you to let him be.
You may think you have his happiness at heart but maybe you do not. You want him to keep playing the game... your game, not his.
He is an intelligent adult, young but still adult, and has the brain to understand the implications of what he is doing.
The idea of funnelling this creative person into some grim banking/legal internship makes me feel quite unwell.

So reading contracts all day or advising corporate clients on intellectual property rights is more tangible than theatre production. Probably better paid but definitely not more tangible. And it it does it get you into a world of high pay and high living cost and burn out.

We are both pushing him to apply for internships in banks/consultancies/law firms

Please don't. Not everyone is motivated by greed money. Of course everyone wants to be sufficiently remunerated for their career choices, but money alone is not enough of a motivator for many people.

IMO a career in banking/law/finance sounds excruciatingly dull.

@LeanToWhatToDo My FIL told his children that they all had to study Engineering (he was an engineer, of course). My DH had the guts to ignore him! Not saying that it’s not a good base degree, it is, but what’s the point if you’re not interested.

So, you’d rather him be miserable then?

Entirely agree with this. Forcing a reluctant young person to do law in the expectation that it will lead to a nice well-paid career is nuts in this day and age. The sector is at a major inflection point and the demand for junior lawyers is decreasing sharply. The ones who succeed will need to be very bright and tech-savvy but more importantly very determined and committed.

I think you should butt out. But if you want to give him some useful career advice then I would do some research on the careers that are most likely to be AI-proof (healthcare, trades etc).

The more you push the more he’ll push away. Let him live his life and his dreams.

Watch dead poets society

This is what I had too and the list of subjects that were vetoed was extensive - anything ending in "ology", classical civilisation, any humanities... Basically wanted me to do PPE when I was rubbish at maths and didn't give a toss about politics at the time. I'd been through more trauma than he ever did so I possibly would have enjoyed Philosophy but I wasn't allowed to do psychology which was where my heart was. I ended up going straight in to work and not going to Uni, which was silly as that was back when it was free. I still resent him for that.

You’re being terribly unreasonable. My dad really wanted me to pursue maths and science but I was heavily into the arts. It was clear he would have preferred otherwise but he never ever pushed me or made me feel dumb about it. I did pursue the arts and have made a great career from it which I adore. My dad has passed now and I am thankful to him every day that he allowed me to be me.

Your son is a person. Not an extension of you.

That’s the last thing he wants, he’s ambitious and wants to do well in his field.. but we will be helping our kids hopefully with buying their first home as they all need help.

@cupfinalchaos As long as he’s not expecting you to bankroll him indefinitely, that would be too much to ask.