AIBU to try to steer my DS into a well paid career against his dreams

What makes you think he’d be successful in getting into a highly competitive internship or grad program when it’s clear his heart isn’t in it? There will be hundreds of applicants who desperately want it who will blow your son out the water!

He should do the fringe production work and enjoy himself. It will be great experience for him. He can still apply for banking or whatever if he decides to after uni and have that experience to his credit on his cv.

My daughter worked for a comedy company at the fringe for three summers (4 year degree, Edinburgh). She had a great time, hob nobbed with the comedians and the company offered her full time work after uni. It wasn’t what she wanted to do so she didn’t accept but she’d had great experience and it all goes on the cv plus references if she needed and it’s nice to be offered. She’s working in IT now and loves it and is making good money. She did however turn down a job offer from Lloyds which would have paid about 20k more as she had worked for them in a placement with her IT company and had sussed she didn’t like working for them. As she pointed out - the long hours are not the lifestyle she wanted and adding up the extra hours spent working late into the evening doesn’t translate into a great hourly rate for the 20K

Encourage him to enjoy his time at uni and he will make contacts and have good experiences with transferable skills that will be just as likely to impress any bank he might apply to if he decides he wants to go down that route anyway.

OP read my thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/work/5421969-any-city-lawyers-here-do-i-need-to-quit?page=3&reply=147970881

It’s 2.30am and I’m in the back of a taxi home from the office having worked all day and not seen my kids because, having gone from a deprived single parent background to Oxbridge, I felt I needed to “cash in” my degree and earn as much as I could. It is no life.

Let you son make his own choices.

If it doesn't work out, he will have a decent inheritance from all your hard work to fall back on.
Let him try.

I wish my parents would have done this

All the jobs you’re steering him towards are far more likely to be replaced by AI and other technologies than the arts. There will be a real shift in the future to jobs that can’t be replaced by technology. Of course some arts will, but law and banking will be the first to head that way.

Meh, many people who do History end up doing law. It is a gateway to Law.

If people like @MotherPuppr do not take up 'killer' jobs, who will fund the taxes to provide a safety net for those in less stable 'follow your dream' roles.

It is a liberating feeling not having to count pennies. With that financial bedrock, OP's ds is in a better position to enjoy his theatre on the side or even give it up to take risks later in life.

Gosh, that sounds fairly tragic to me — steered away from your actual interests by overbearing parents into a job that is a ‘killer’.

Can I suggest sound engineering - Tonmeister at Surrey.

My parents were from really quite humble working class backgrounds, my dad in particular really experienced some poverty when young - single parent mother in 60s.

They were adamant that we had to study for a vocation, in fact my parents only agreed to pay my uni housing costs on the condition I studied law. Any non vocational courses I expressed an interest in (french, history etc) were shot down.

They were a bit tiger mom about it all.

They are also very financially savvy and passed that on to us. No new cars, no designer handbags, fly economy etc.

I'm almost 40 now and so grateful to them. I've lived all over the world, own four properties and have a lot in stocks, shares, ISAs, pension. I know this is a dick thing to say but I just don't think about money. We shop around annually for home / car insurance and utilities and then it's just a direct debit. I've no clue how much I spend on my gas bill. My car broke down and I wasn't sick with worry taking it to the garage - it cost what it cost.

My job is all consuming but it's so liberating outside work to do what I please.

Yes you get lifestyle creep and my job is a killer but if I choose not to do it tomorrow I could sell two properties, adjust my budget and easily take a new job that paid a third whilst still having a really great lifestyle (work life balance and financially happy).

If I had been left to my own devices my life would be very different!

OP I am currently doing the opposite. My boy's heart is in music, he loves it and has said that in an ideal world he would do music for a living. His grades are excellent, he has all the options open to him.

He's very aware that his sensible choice would be to do Maths and Physics or something, but I just want him to be the person he wants to be. He's still deciding, but both me and his Dad can see how music lights him up, and we both hope he'll take it as far as he can.

I’m more interested that you think you have a say.

And in the fact that you don’t see your own comparative wealth from doing a job you don’t enjoy and which gave you zero work life balance, as a way of having a cushion to allow your child more freedom. Both my parents were taken out of school aged 12 and put into jobs by their parents because the families needed the money. DH and I got out of poverty via education. We will be giving DS freedom to make his own experiments in life.

it’s so easy to get into theatre AFTER completing law/banking etc etc… honestly, I adore theatre and acting myself but people need to realise that unless you make it big,, it’s hard to make money due to so many people wanting to go into that sector.. tell ds that he can do anything he likes after he finishes wherever you want him to go. Many people I know regret not taking med school or law school rather than art or drama… your doing a good job op..

before people come for me, think about it logically,, would you rather dive head first into a career which isn’t stable or have a safe landing in case you don’t succeed??

your not evil, op. You’re doing your best and in the future he will most likely thank you for this.. but if theatre is what he wants, as soon as he gets his degree, let him do theatre. You would be evil in the case of you forcing him to continue doing a job he despises..

then again, while he’s in uni, you can still support him by allowing him to hit the hilt of everything (getting him signed up for classes, auditioning etc etc), obviously plan B, but plan A is in his heart and if he really wants it let him go for it!(with the idea that he’s still going to be in uni!))

edit: oh god I can’t make my mind up about this situation haha!!

It is his life and his choice. Stop interfering.

If your son is mainly a creative individual he would be miserable and probably fail in the careers you are trying to push him into.

Surely as a parent you want your kids to like earn well and have a nice quality of life

This.

It is one summer.
Leave him to do his thing
Shows initiative and drive
Great things to talk about in a grad scheme interview

Very true. We are heading into an era of oversupply of junior people in all the trades OP wants their son to do. Those jobs are not a good prospect for a young person.

@Putneydad7I am sure you remember how the dead poets society story goes….. sadly I know of young people
(university students) who take that route too.

@Putneydad7 thats exactly it. DH and I both had a blast in the late 90’s/early 2000’s, but in those days, it was more about the relationships you had with clients. You could take them for lunches, corporate rugby/tennis etc you’d speak to them on the phone to keep them up to date with what was going on. The trading floor was a fun, noisy, vibrant place. These days business is awarded on who built the best spreadsheet and who has the shiniest pitch deck. And the floor is deathly quiet because there are no sales people any more, it’s just quants building spreadsheets capable of launching a rocket into space.

@mischance They didn’t really make that decision for him though, all they did was decide not to fund a big holiday. So he decided to get a summer job instead.

He could’ve gone on the holiday if he’d found a way to fund it. 🤷

I don't hate what you say, I just find it confusing to hear that I don't exist! And that none of the hundreds of people I've worked with in my career exist! Lots of people can't make a successful career in the arts or media industries but lots can and do and aren't broke or struggling.

We made him work in a pub all this last summer while his mates went off and did route 66
Lawks a mercy! ... does he get to make any decisions about his own life!?
He is not burning his bridges .... he just wants to spend one summer doing something creative instead of filling his head with facts. It will not blight his career prospects for the rest of his life! Cut thus lad a bit of slack ....

My daughter did MT for a few years. Left London in 2021 after only a few small roles. She started a law degree in 2020 aged 27 and now is a newly qualified solicitor in a very big law firm. She feels life was put on hold a lot during COVID but she's 32 now and back on track. I just insisted she got her highers and advanced highers so she could change careers.
I don't regret letting her do what she did.

That is an awful thought!