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Original poster

New boyfriends attitude towards money is worrying me AIBU

70 replies

30andshattered · 20/10/2025 16:51

I think my boyfriend has a bit of an ego regarding money. We both work full time, earn similar salaries and split the costs of dates and activities 50/50, yet he claims he pays more which isn’t true. It’s not a competition, but he acts like it is. He seems fine with me paying for things, but he won't acknowledge that I do.

He has also made comments recently about our future. For example, he mentioned that he would prefer me to be a stay at home mum when we have kids and that he would support us. I have no desire to be a stay at home mum, and I have never said that I do. He also said that we would choose a house together, but that he would handle the money side of things.

This is a relatively new relationship, so these things won’t be happening for a while anyway, but am I being unreasonable to find this a bit odd? Reg flag or…..?

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 20/10/2025 17:14

It’s a hard no. A bunting of red flags. Dump him.

Silverbirchleaf · 20/10/2025 17:12

Actually, to say he would like you to be a sahm isn’t the issue. Maybe he feels the best care giver for his child is their mum. However, context is everything. If in a general discussion, fair enough. However, if he was dictating what was going to happen, and didn’t agree with your version of future events, then that’s not good.

I sense the latter, as your gut is feeling uneasy. So run.

aCatCalledFawkes · 20/10/2025 17:07

He needs to handle the money side of things when you buy at house? Does he think your that incompantent you won't know how to choose a mortgage or organise direct debits? That's not a partnership, I'd be out of it asap.
My boyfriend does earn a lot more than me but I know he respects me to for being able to hold down a good job and pay my own mortgage.

SunshineAndFizz · 20/10/2025 17:06

What worries me the most is that he isn’t discussing anything with you, or asking for your opinion, he’s telling you. That’s not a good trait for a partner.

Imagine what else he’ll decide and ‘tell you’ you’re both doing.

JadziaD · 20/10/2025 17:05

It's a relatively early relationship and he is saying and doin things that make you uncomfortable. End it.

It doesn't even have to be a red flag or a sign of a misogynist or a potentially abusive man. If he doesn't act in ways you feel comfortable with from the start, you shouldn't be working towards a longer term future.

[these are all red flags though, FYI]

Tessasanderson · 20/10/2025 17:04

When he said he would like you to be a SAHM and you sensibly responded with Fuck Off, what did he say?

I never understand why we get these misunderstandings. Its black and white, if he thinks you might be a SAHM you had the opportunity to put him right from the moment it left his lips.

youalright · 20/10/2025 17:03

Wow and this is in the honeymoon stage where everyone is on best behavior. Imagine what he will be like in 5 years

Poppyseeds79 · 20/10/2025 17:02

Unless he's got a secret trust fund. How exactly is he even planning on executing all his "grand plans"...

GingerPaste · 20/10/2025 17:01

This will end in a lot of trouble if you keep going with the relationship.

menopausalmare · 20/10/2025 17:01

You are incompatible. Time to end it.

WallaceinAnderland · 20/10/2025 17:00

He's the boss, he's in charge of the finances, he gets to say what you can buy. You just stick to nappies, cleaning and cooking like a good little wifey.

Fucking hell, he's actually saying it outloud. Run OP, run

TwistedWonder · 20/10/2025 16:59

Bye bye misogynistic 1950’s throwback

artherbrownlow · 20/10/2025 16:58

Get rid.

Filofaxforlife · 20/10/2025 16:57

He is not marriage material. He wants to control you and lead this relationship, not be partners or a team. Run now.

Potatoespotatoesagain · 20/10/2025 16:55

Listen to yourself, you have the answer already , it’s doesn’t feel right so it isn’t x

Meadowfinch · 20/10/2025 16:54

At the very least, he doesn't see your future as an equal partnership, and at worst, he expects to be 'in charge'. It all sounds a bot controlling right from the start.

I suggest you make it clear to him that you want to work full time, and you expect to be on a par with him in terms of breadwinning, ownership of your home etc. See how he reacts.

DrSpartacularsMagnificentOctopus · 20/10/2025 16:53

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Dunnocantthinkofone · 20/10/2025 16:53

He sound like a misogynistic prat. The 1950s want your boyfriend back.

If I were you, I’d wave him off there with enthusiasm

Deeprug · 20/10/2025 16:53

How embarrassing.

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/10/2025 16:52

Run. Like the wind.

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