Aibu to try and overturn my son’s permanent exclusion

Discussions about directed off site placements, managed moves etc would take place BEFORE the governors meeting as the whole purpose is to stop the permanent exclusion process. Its not guaranteed, particularly for violence, as both schools need to be confident that they aren't simply moving the issue elsewhere. Has anyone from the school excluding your son or the local authority had any conversation with you about directed off site or managed moves? They are conversations between head teachers.
People on this thread concentrating on the OP's ex need to stop and think, that's not what the OP is asking. My ex is an extremely violent man, my ds is in his 20's now and is nothing like his father. No, my ds didn't get into problems at school, but he could have.

If that is the case then punching someone in the face 4 times isn’t a great start.

Your son needs proper support, professional support, because abusive men aren’t born like that they become like that.

There will be a permanent exclusion hearing where you and your son can put across your case and appeal the exclusion. The school should always offer alternatives, with a permanent exclusion always being the last resort. School can offer an offsite direction which is a placement at a nearby school. This would give your son the chance to have a fresh start and sit his GCSEs. Have the school offered your child any emotional support after everything he has been through? He should’ve been offered counselling, a mentor or a safe space within school if he needed help for any reason. A nearby school may be able to offer more support. Good luck! You and your son deserve a chance.

The father wasn't born like that either. These things all start somewhere and my gosh it seems like the apple doesn't fall from the tree.

You have been through domestic violence and you want to fight your son being excluded for violence?
Make it make sense.
You now have a violent son and making excuses for him isn't going to change that is it. He's going to end up with a criminal record if you're not careful. If it was my child I would have absolutely reported to the police.
Take a deep breath, get on board with school, remove all of his privileges and get him around as many good male role models as you can.
Strongly suggest getting him into church.

Fortunately, nobody in the UK is living in conditions similar to those of the starving Palestinians in Gaza. That doesn't mean that nobody in the UK is dealing with poverty, violence, abusive relationships and injustice. Even in a court of law, mitigating circumstances are taken into consideration when sentencing after a guilty verdict.

What OP's son did was awful but he was provoked by another pupil hurting him first. That seems to have been completely swept under the carpet.

OP is trying to work out whether the processes that were followed by the school were correct and fair.

The process doesn't have a mechanism for 'appeal and appeal again'
Governors meeting - parent told whether PEX has been upheld or not. Outcome = child remains at Pru or school are directed to reinstate.
Right of Appeal = Independent Review Panel
This looks at was the PROCESS followed correctly. Outcome = PEX upheld (child remains at PRU) or school directed to reinstate (Child returns to original school.
There are strict timescales.
The PRU/Alternative provision will ensure that arrangements are made for exams, access to enhanced pastoral care etc.
Parent can submit an In Year Admission application for a return to a different mainstream but realistically other schools will state that he's year 11 and they will want to see a change in the behaviour that caused the PEX. Nobody wants to set the young person up to fail by making the bar too high.

It’s not speculative in the least. Punching someone four times in the head can kill them he was just lucky that it didn’t in this instance. Many people have been killed by a single punch to the head. Next time he does it the results could be different and it is why, despite my sympathy for the situation, I wouldn’t want a child like this in mainstream school with my children, why should they also suffer or be put at risk because of someone else’s behaviour?

I don’t think speculating that this young man will kill someone is constructive @SleeplessIntheOnyxNight. OP it sounds like you are supporting your son to do his darndest to cope with his trauma and anger. I hope that he and you find the help he needs. If you can get it now you can help him build a calmer and happier future. This lad was provoked and yes, as @SleeplessIntheOnyxNight says, school kids/young humans can be pretty stupid at times winding each other up. Pulling a chair away from someone is dangerous and the prankster could have seriously injured the op’s son. However a ‘prank’ is not viewed in the same light as punching. The OP’s DS has had an incredibly tough time and missed a lot of school. Getting some basic educational qualifications will help him to build his confidence and make positive choices. A supportive educational environment is paramount. Will the school he’s been excluded from provide this or will a special school be more supportive? Will his old school see him as a troublemaker and not support him? Can you go and talk to the school that is available for him following the exclusion and find out what it can offer? Wishing the best of luck to you Op xx

two words, you can’t
you can however speak to the inclusion officer who was straight on the phone to us when it sadly happened to us

I can’t offer help regarding the school situation but I do want to congratulate you for getting you & your son away from a domestic abuse situation. You are both having a tough time at the moment this must be so hard for you both but I wish you all the best and hope you appreciate things will get easier in time. You have done a fantastic thing!

To be honest, I think the school have done the right thing. If your son was hit by someone 4 times I expect you would agree with that child being excluded.Violence in schools needs dealing with.

Appeal and then appeal again. Ask LEA for help doing this

I am sorry for your circumstances but if it had been my son that had been attacked, because let’s face it, it was an attack, then I would have pushed hard for criminal charges and wouldn’t care one single bit about your sons circumstances. The head knows that this won’t be the last thing he does and thankfully has taken decisive action.

Your son deserves help and there are places far better set up for this than a mainstream highschool where other children will 100% wind him up because that is what children do and nothing will stop it. He might seriously hurt or kill the next one and it will be far serious consequences than an exclusion.

Schools are so much more lenient than life. If this happened outside of school he could be looking at a custodial sentence.
Don't speak it, accept it and get the help you all need.
There is NEVER an excuse for violence.

If you do appeal. I'd get him to do a video apology where he takes accountability or a heartfelt letter in apology to the boy.
I'd also get him to write an impact statement of his history and trigger and why he acted disproportionately but what he's doing to work on those triggers and how important completely his education is, that he has had to move at a key time due to DV, and that has already been a disruption to his education and really pleas his case..
Additionally I'd get his physiologist/therapist/trauma counsellor to write a statement about him, his triggers and how they can be mitigated, and any other letter from a social worker or your domestic abuse support worker too. He's on a waiting list someone must have deemed it appropriate to get him support, are there any support the LA can put in place now?

Good luck. I hope your son gets the help he needs. This may be a lifelong recovery but he can recover from this, it'll just time time and doing the work.

I'm sorry this happened to you and well done for leaving, it's brave of you and all of you to try and rebuild after what you've all been through.

Firstly, you have done well to find the strength to remove you and your children from the DV situation.

Contact your citizens advice bureau for help as they can advise on this.

Get a copy of the schools appeal process and read it.

Take your son to the GP for a referral as he needs professional support and schools are not responsible for providing anger management therapy.

Your son is not safe to be in a mainstream school setting if he’s triggered to the point of violence by x,y and z.

So the bully wasn't badly hurt? And has been punished less severely. And is continuing to bully your son. Sounds like a terrible school to me. Presumably if he goes back he'll just get bullied again.

He’s violent and a danger to others…. Of course he should be permanently excluded. He needs help to understand and regulate his behaviour which I’m sure is a consequence of the violence he has experienced

The behaviour unit he is being sent to is not necessarily permanent. I used to work in one. He could get extra help there for the trauma he experienced and the subsequent anger issues. Your GP could also make a referral to CAMHS for him to get counseling. The pupil teacher ratio in the unit will be better and they will have more time to help your son. It's often 6 months to a year spent in the unit with discussion about your son's issues and his future. He could get what's called a managed move to another mainstream school. There are sympathetic head teachers out there that would look at his case and give him a second chance once he's got over his difficulties. Don't see the behaviour unit as necessarily a bad thing, he'll be able to access help there that is not available in mainstream and then transition back to mainstream. However, there will be opportunities to do GCSE in the unit, or go to college early, as there are schemes available there that are not available in mainstream.

FOUR times?? Your son is unsafe regardless of his background experiences which sound very difficult for you all. The other children will not be safe around your son.