Aibu to try and overturn my son’s permanent exclusion

A trauma response is not an excuse for punching someone in the face 4 times, and if that IS his trauma response and he genuinely cannot help it then it is not fair to expose the other children to that risk hence a permanent exclusion and being moved to a PRU who can actually manage & support him is the right thing for all involved.

I agree.

Most schools would consider that this young man was provoked, in a physical way, and his traumatic background caused him to lash out in retaliation.

I think it's clear his actions were not malicious and not planned, unlike the child who pulled a chair out on him.

Most schools would be clear this is last chance saloon for a child but they would not PEX I don't think.

I had a bit of a similar experience when my son was younger, he wasn't quite excluded (as school didn't want it on their stats) but permanently isolated. In another school where the "pranks" and bullying were not tolerated, he felt much safer and went on to do ok. At the stage you are at, I would try and work with the PRU, he may get some much needed support. It sounds like even if the exclusion was overturned (unlikely) they will not support him if anything else happens. Unfortunately two young men have been hurt here and they both deserve a chance.

I know it feels horrible now, but I think this will be a good thing for him in the long run. If he stays in a mainstream school, with teachers who aren't equipped to handle the way he reacts to things and pupils who are likely to push all his buttons, the next time could be worse and he could end up with a criminal record.

In a PRU / specialist behaviour setting, he's more likely to have access to the resources he needs and trauma-informed teachers and practitioners who have the understanding and the experience to help him learn how to self regulate as well as academic learning. I know a few kids who've gone to a PRU and it's been the making of them.

We can't control the behaviour of others, only the way we react to it. That's something he'll learn from this transition, and you have the chance to model positivity about it to him - going to PRU isn't a punishment or something to be endured; it's a different environment that is more suited to him.

For the school to go straight to a PEX they must deem the situation very serious. They are scrutinised by a panel of governors and have to make a strong case for their decision. They don’t go down this route lightly.

I am afraid it looks, on the face of it, very unlikely that you will win any sort of appeal. Furthermore it is likely your son may access the support he needs at the PRU.

Well done to the school for prioritising and protecting the kids.

You have all been through a lot, but these is no excuse for him assaulting someone. He is incredibly lucky to not have a criminal record.

You're being massively unreasonable. I feel sorry for your son but he cannot behave massively out of proportion in response to things in school. Because he's a danger to others including staff. Perhaps he's best being home schooled?

Did you speak to the school about your husband's domestic violence and the impact on you and your children before you enrolled them at this school? If so, did he receive any additional support from the school?

His response was extreme and very scary and I can see why he was excluded. Could you speak to a DV charity for help and support? The school should be able to tell you what the grounds for appeal are.

Yanbu OP (and its very rare I side with the parent on this sort of question)

It’s highly likely if the governors upheld it that it would be overturned at council level.

what has the school put in place for your son to help him with the inevitable anger issues he has due to his background? If the answer is nothing and you push this idea they will quiet likely back down.

You don’t know of many schools then.

I’m the opposite, I don’t know of many schools who would permanently exclude a child with a previously good record who had a trauma response to another child injuring him.

Your DS has obviously gone through a lot already for his young years. I'm guessing the particular attack from your OH (his father?) was just one example of what he has experienced and witnessed.

I would reframe at this as the school sending him to a place (the PRU) where he will get the help that he needs that they can't provide. They have too many pupils for too few staff. They cannot manage someone who may lash out if triggered.

It is completely understandable your Son has some issues (who wouldn't). He needs help to deal with those issues, so that when he is triggered he doesn't lash out. So he can start processing what has happened to him. I would hope the PRU would have that support. Especially if you as his Mum are prepared to help and support him from home.

The support he could get there (and while still a child) will be invaluable to him as he becomes a young adult - when support may not be so "easily" obtained.

Good luck to you both!

The short answer is that if the school have followed procedures correctly, which it sounds like they have, no you do not have grounds for appeal. His behaviour was not acceptable and I don’t know of any school that would not permanently exclude for this.

I just wanted to say well done for removing yourself and your children from an abusive partner. A difficult thing to do. The consequences of witnessing violence and being the victim of serious violence will sadly be with the children a long time. I’m not at all surprised your DS reacted as he did. I would appeal the exclusion- you have nothing to lose. If that fails then it’s PRU. Get what help you can. Also it sounds like he is year 11. If you haven’t already you need a firm plan for what DS will do after GCSEs. He definitely needs to be doing something constructive and not hanging about understandably angry at home. I genuinely wish all the very best to your family. I’m not excusing his violence BTW, I’m just saying I can completely see how he reacted as he did and the role of the other child who probably just thought it was a daft prank.

You should attend the governors meeting and state your case.

If not successful, appeal, it is definitely worth a try. You don't lose anything if it's not successful.

It will be really difficult to get him a school place anywhere else at this stage in year 11, he might get a spot at a PRU but it is not guaranteed. He could well end up with nowhere to go which would be a disaster heading into exams.

There are mitigating circumstances, but it has to be balanced with the level of extreme violence from your son. The thing on your side is that it was provoked and he has shown no other problems previously.

Anything you can produce which documents the problems your son has had will help. Is he remorseful? Does he understand how seriously the school need to take this level of violence?

I agree. And I’d assume any parent of a child punched 4 times in the head would call the police to report an assault, I certainly would.

I don’t think that putting your energy into an appeal is the best idea. The school were right in excluding him. If I were the parent of his victim I wouldn’t want him back to potentially harm my child again. You must know how that feels yourself if your child was assaulted previously.
He needs support in a setting that caters for this so I’d suggest you look into the other good ideas suggested by PP’s.

IME a troubled child is far less likely to get lost in the system in a PRU than in a mainstream school. They usually have a counsellor on site and regular meeting with all the support professionals around each child.

Would you be happy all day in an environment with someone as violent as your son? I wouldn’t and neither should the boy your son attacked or any of the other pupils at the school. Focus on your own parenting and stop blaming the school. The Referal unit might be able to give him the support he so obviously needs.

The other child was a dickhead who played a horrid prank that could have injured someone.
Your child responded by punching them four times in the face.
Of course your child should be excluded. If he had shouted or even pushed the child the consequence would be different. Instead he landed not one but four punches. To the head. What other outcome can you possibly expect??

I’d imagine the PRU would be the quickest way for him to get help.