Aibu to try and overturn my son’s permanent exclusion

I’d say this to them.

Ask them if the plan to uphold the PEX what are the plans for support, counselling, anger management and DV support (he could have PTSD).

explain you’re concerned that his reaction (which you both accept is unacceptable and he’s totally remorseful) won’t change without the support and they have a duty of care to safeguard him and look after his wellbeing - not to just write him off because of previous trauma.

Id also contact local youth services attached to the police. There is much greater understanding of how trauma (adverse childhood experiences - called ACEs) affect brain development and there is a real push to crime prevention rather than reaction so they should refer you to services which will help him before he gets stuck in a system due to commuting assault.

I really hope he doesn’t get lost in the system as your family has already suffered enough and his reaction was due to trauma caused by another adults actions. He needs adults who will support him right now - sounds like you’re doing a great job of it but you can’t do it alone

An ex work colleague told me council charges schools £10,000 to. Permanently exclude so they won’t have taken this decision lightly.

Get your son the help he needs. Make that your focus.

I’ve been in a serious violent relationship and under social services twice. None of my boys have ever hit another child. (My hair has gone grey in the process, to make sure the affect on my kids was minimal by carefully controlled parenting. Not easy, but worth it in the end)

I'm sorry for what you and your DC have been through and understand how this will have affected your DS, and why he will have reacted this way. However understanding and sympathy don't stop your DS being a risk to the safety of other DC in school. The school can't risk there being a similar incident if your DS is triggered again, and next time he could seriously injure someone. Try not to see this as punishment but an admittance by the school your son needs help and has needs they can't meet. Put your energies into fighting for the support he needs as a survivor of abuse rather than trying to fight the school on this. I wish you all the best.

Has he ever been a managed move?

Might be worth seeing if another local school will take him on for the last few months, if you make it clear that this was a one off and that the bullying actions of another child was a trigger for him off the back of physical abuse suffered at the hands of Dad?

If he does end up at a behaviour unit, make sure they sort arrangements for him sitting exams.

How much information have you been given about the behaviour centre your son will be going to? Is it possible that this may be the best thing for him, if he is struggling to manage anger and hitting?

Schools use permanent exclusions to get the specialist help for students that they know they cannot provide.
Your DS cannot remain in school if he has such a lack of control, but hopefully this will be a step on a path to increased support for him to recover from his trauma.
You’ll do better for your son by working with authorities rather than challenging them.

Wow.
i can understand him being triggered and I’m glad he’s getting the help he needs. But understandably the school cannot take the risk. That was a huge reaction!
after being abused, it would be good to have stability. But actions have consequences. And unfortunately, instead of him learning from dad that physical violence is unacceptable, he’s now found out about the consequences. What a shame! I do think that school should hear your case and maybe explain resources or options to you, but it wouldn’t be safe to accept your son back.

There may be a reason for his actions. But the impact on other children is the same. It was right to exclude him. You need to take reign of your children asap and arrange therapy for you and them before another of your children goes the same way.

I bet the bully won’t be doing it again.

Imagine the other child does this “joke” again and another student bangs their head and gets permanent damage or worse.

Hopefully having his face punched four times will have taught him the lesson he needed to learn about doing something so stupid and nasty, but the school said they have issued an appropriate punishment.

You son has previously been strangled until he lost consciousness and has also had his head cracked open?

Has your son been assessed for brain damage? It could explain some of his behaviour issues if so.

With a previous attendance of 47% he may struggle to pass English and Maths which are key to access level 3 courses and apprenticeships. Sounds as though the school will use a violent outburst as a good excuse to off roll so your DS doesn’t hit their figures especially given he hasn’t been there long.

What I would say however is that good PRUs have counsellors who will help him with anger management issues, have good teachers to help support him with English and Maths and links with local colleges to help him to progress onto the next level.

The English and maths teachers at his current school will not have the energy to firefight with someone who needs lots of support.

You also mean the child who pulled a chair from OP’s son? This too could have caused serious injury.

The underlying reason for his violence is not really something that can be used to appeal, surely. He could have killed the boy or done serious life changing damage. And regardless of the reason for his extreme reaction, keeping him in mainstream school would be a huge risk. Imagine if he lost it again and did the same thing to another child…or a teacher.. it would make the school look like it’s failing to safeguard its students or staff. Surely you can understand why the school wants to permanently exclude him. I can’t see how you could possibly win an appeal, sorry.

If you have to hit back, you hit back once. You don’t pulverise someone face with four punches.

@ThatRealBlueQuoter definitely make your case at the governor's committee that must be held within 15 school.days. It sounds as though your DS has been excluded for a single serious incident rather than persistent disruptive behaviour although I suspect there is a bit of a behaviour record as well. If so, the issue for the headteacher will be that your DS's reaction was disproportionate. The school would see that as an unpredictable risk going forward.
If there have been concerns about aggression or anger previously then yes, you could make a case that the school have not supported his behavioural needs. However, if previous behaviour has essentially been messing about, that won't be an argument.
If the governors uphold the exclusion you have a further right of appeal to an independent review panel, who would look in detail at why the governors upheld the decision.
In the meantime, hopefully the behaviour provision will be helpful in giving your DS strategies to make better choices.

If my child pulled a prank on a vulnerable new child in school I'd be far more worried about their behaviour than pressing charges.

Obviously the very traumatised 15 year old needs help but he should never have been in a place where he was hurt and humiliated at school.

Do you really want him around kids like the other boy? The boy who started this will likely try to rile him up again for entertainment. If your son reacts the same way again the consequences for his future may be worse. Is it really worth the risk to your son’s future? Maybe as well as counselling/ anger management look at a healthy outlet for his anger such as sport or gym. Maybe your son should block the kid too, it’s not going to help him being goaded by text / social media.

@Lightuptheroomanyone moved to us in year 11 stays with us for the remainder of the academic year. Where I live PRU places are allocated to schools depending on size and pupil remains a pupil of that school- as do their exam results. They are visited and checked in on by their schools. Hence why some of our students return to their schools to sit exams.

We have ‘residents’ who have been with us 2+ years. First time round it will be a minimum 6/8/10
week stay depending on what school they come from. Frequent flyer they stay.

The reality is you cannot have a child who might kill a classmate around other kids. The fact that that child may have issues or may only attack if provoked isn't relevant. Even if it's pretty clear that your child was wound up and lost control what he did could have led to a serious head injury which could have led to paralysis or death for the other child. Even though the other child sounds like a dick, there is no way he deserves to die for it, and your child is acting in a way that shows he has no control of whether he kills someone or not.

People on Mumsnet often give the advice that children who are being bullied should hit back. He hit back, but it seems to be unanimously agreed that it’s right for him to be excluded?

Eeerrrrmm ??? What ??? He assaulted OPs son, then gloats and taunts him for getting excluded.... and it's not her business!!! But actually you're right... it's the nasty brat's own parents' business that they raised a malicious little bully. Because that's exactly what he is.

Schools don’t do this without good reason.

Your son’s reaction was extreme and could have resulted in serious harm. It is good that you are supporting your son, but you don’t seem to have any conscience about the boy that was punched in the face four times. For his sake, it is right that your son doesn’t go back to that school.

You say you want counselling and support for him but he’s much more likely to get that at a PRU. It’s not giving up on him, it’s putting the support he needs in place so that he can go on to achieve his best.

That is none of OP's business