Aibu to try and overturn my son’s permanent exclusion

The school had a duty of care to your son and they failed in that duty of care by allowing the other boy to cause him injury on purpose. Maybe you can sue the school.

I’m going to be honest, when I was your sons age I would have kicked the proverbial out of someone who did that to me. It was a long time ago but I had many fights at school involving a lot of punches and bust noses - people tried to bully me but when they failed and hobbled off it became a game of let’s see if X can beat VFTS in a fight - at least a fight a week for months. No, the other lads couldn’t best me, but nobody got permanently excluded no matter the blood spilt. I never instigated any fights and sometimes just walked away pretend yawning at the lad the gang of would-be-bullies had chosen that day. Some of us did get 2 week suspensions at times though.

I think the school are being very heavy handed to your son, especially considering their failing part in this.

I grew up with DV and raised my younger siblings, including a brother who knew from a very young age not to start shit, not to hurt anyone, not to fight back if they were weaker, but also not to take any crap from bullies who tried to hurt him.

If I knew my child was whipping chairs out from people as they were about to sit on them, I’d be thanking my lucky stars that he’d hopefully learnt his lesson before he caused someone a serious injury. If that wouldn’t be your first thought, then perhaps it’s you who would be making excuses for a violent child.

Please don’t fear a PRU I know people that run a couple near me and they are good. Smaller and used to dealing with children that may be angry, fearful and have mental health issues that need support etc. It will be the best place for him. The staff are more relaxed with any outbursts as they are not uncommon and it’s still school, he will still have classes and do his GCSES etc.

it could be excellent for him. Please encourage him to go, knuckle down and do the best he can for the rest of year 11. And also get him focusing on what’s next, college etc find local courses go to the college open days etc get him excited about his future not yearning to go back to school waiting for an appeal. You won’t get it (I work in a secondary)

I wish you both luck, everything by will be ok x

@Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim quite a few young people have died by suicide due to malicious texts being sent to them

For those saying 'just go to a PRU' - there is something werll known as the "PRU to prison pipeline'

being suspeneded or expelled from school is a major risk factor for spiralling downwards into a life of poverty and imprisonment.

A PRU is not necessarily a gentle supportive place - it's full of other expelled, possibly very troubled children many of whom have had severe family based trauma.

The OP should fight very hard to get her son to stay in mainstream as he has a FAR better liklihood of getting a decent education there. that is his right - and his trauma and violent history in childhood should absolutely be recognised and support given

As someone who has sought very urgent help for a child with MH issues myself - the idea of peopl ehere saying 'get him help' is just laughable.

you can be literally about to kill yourself as a teen and there is no support.

I hope the OP has made the school aware of these texts.

But people could die or suffer serious injuries from a chair being pulled out from under them.

They were being sarcastic in response to another poster's ridiculous claim that both boys were equal abusers

Pretty sure she was being heavily sarcastic.

Really? There are very many examples of men being jailed for a very long time for a single punch to the head that has killed someone.

No it isn't how he feels... the boy sent texts to OPs son taunting him and gloating about the exclusion.... he's just as much of an abuser. He's a bully.

Ahhh ok

I know loads of people who have died because of texts. Never heard of anyone being killed by a punch to the head though.

If they have followed the process correctly and his violence is as bad as it sounds you have no chance of overturning it. You need to look at the policies and processes in detail because that’s where they will fall down (although given the severity of the consequence I imagine they have tried to follow it to the letter).

the thing is if it is overturned what will you expect, how can the other boy and those who witnessed it feel safe.if he only has 9 months left probably worth focusing on getting his education and exams elsewhere rather than battling for a school to retain him.

your sons background is absolutely horrific, but other children shouldn’t be subjected to that violence because he is yet to receive therapeutic interventions. I appreciate he is still a child, but surely he knows how damaging violence is?

ad an aside has he had incidents of violence at his previous schools?

No it isn't how he feels... the boy sent texts to OPs son taunting him and gloating about the exclusion.... he's just as much of an abuser. He's a bully.

Violent 15 year olds turn into violent men.
Particularly those whose behaviour is excused.

I wonder if you’d be so sympathetic if it was your child on the receiving end of his fists.

This is desperately sad OP. I hope you all get the support you need and your son is happy in the new setting. Agree with others it's probably best for him

This is a sad story to read . I am a firm believer that children communicate through behaviour and clearly your son is struggling after going through something so traumatic.

However, he clearly has anger issues that need to be addressed , the other child was very cruel with what he did but your son’s reaction - as you know - was extreme. It’s surely a natural defensive reaction, last time he hurt his head he probably thought he was going to die and that’s horrendous so I don’t blame him for his reaction but this could have been so much worse . Your son should not be in this situation. Neither should other children. Punching 4 times sounds to me like a bit of a “ seeing red “ situation - this could have been worse , the other child could have been seriously injured and that would also have had severe repercussions for your son. Things like this are going to happen in secondary - others will remember this, for some it would make them more likely to try and get a reaction. The school can clearly not support your son.

Is it a PRU they are sending your son to ? You will hear all sorts - they’re full of “naughty” children, they all run riot - but it’s not the case . They have specialist staff, who will support your son , recognise his triggers , keep him safe and work with him to be able to manage his emotions. Honestly, it’s probably the best thing for him . He will still get his education and in all honesty he will have more support and a higher pupil : teacher ratio meaning he will get a better standard of education if he can accept the support offered .

I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with all this OP, your son also.
I don't have any knowledge of the appeal process and likelihood of your son being allowed to return to the school.
The priority is your son's education now. I have a friend whose son went to a PRU and did very well.
Hang on in there
Wishing you and your family well

Is your son getting help for his violent behaviour, which could be partly due to and influenced by trauma he has witnessed or learned behaviour. What are you doing to address these issues? You cannot blame the other boy and dismiss your sons actions.

Exactly this.

How many times do we impress upon children how dangerous it is to pull a chair out from behind someone? We tell them that it might just be a silly joke in their heads, but that it could result in life changing injuries for the person sitting down. I’m not seeing that there’s a huge difference between what either of the boys did, and the potential consequences of their actions. Coupled with the crowing texts he’s sent the OP’s son, the other boy sounds like a horrible little shit who picked on the wrong person, and who still hasn’t learnt his lesson.

OP, I hope that, whatever happens, it turns out to be the best possible thing for your DS.

If a woman pulled her husband’s chair out as a joke and he hit his head and he punched her four times in the face, would your stance be the same? A full grown man who has learnt with age how to regulate his emotions, with far more upper body strength hitting someone far weaker? Or two hormonal fifteen year olds, presumably similar sizes with similar levels of strength? I don’t think your analogy holds up.

Yeah. It creates more violent men who end up murdering women It also creates men who don’t punch people without reason, but who also won’t take any shit from bullies who try to hurt them.

You know how you, rightly, left your abuser and would never want to have to see him again? Well, that’s how your son’s victim feels 🙄 Course it is. I’m sure he was trembling in fear as his innocent little fingers were typing out texts taking the piss out of the OP’s son for being excluded. And he’s not a victim ffs. He wasn’t sitting quietly, minding his own business, while some brute came up behind him and physically attacked him. He wasn’t even just having a verbal altercation with him. He did something that could have put the OP’s son in hospital and he had the consequences for that.

@Owly11 plead trauma? Are you being serious. Do you have any idea how witnessing domestic violence impacts children? It is most definitely trauma that he has gone through. He most probably has PTSD. Having specials list support and therapy is most definitely the right way to go.
Yes it was disproportionate what he did and I hope the other boy is ok but what he did was wrong too.

I haven't read all comments but I agree with this. I am always suspicious when a school tries to exclude by the back door - by agreement without having it on record. They are worried about their own exclusion statistics, not your son. It will not impact him long term having this "on his record".

My own son who is adopted and had emotional issues - the school tried to exclude him aged 5 "by agreement" for the same reason. They tried to push me into it by saying they didn't want it on his record. I said it would help - I wanted him formally excluded as I thought we would be entitled to more help. Guess what - they backed down and actually refused to exclude him even though I said it would be the better thing. I am still angry about this hypocrisy years later.

maybe it's not the right school for him. Maybe he's better off staying. I can't comment. But don't be pushed into something you feel is wrong.