DHs past sex life making me feel disgusted.

I think the timeline matters, like how long have you been together and how long ago did these things happen?

Nothing to do with a past sex life really. It's the type of person your dh is that is the problem.

💯

He sounds like a horrible person with the things he said eg calling the woman ugly and a tramp etc but I don't see those situations as taking advantage. She made the chicken to have sex with him, unless he forced her or manipulated her or something.

Same with the lesbian lady, she choose to have sex with him for whatever reason right? So no I don't see that as taking advantage, but the way he speaks about women is disgusting.

As you said he courted you like a gentleman so maybe he is different now I don't know, that's for you to decide.

I’m just so disappointed in myself to think like this and to be judgemental but I can’t stop thinking about it all. Obviously it’s all in his past, but I think it just says a lot about him?

He's a man with a very low opinion of women and you can't reconcile this with the man you are with? Cos he's STILL that man which you damn well know every time he talks about his ex.

Honestly, I don't think I could go there to begin with and god help you if when you break up.

Instant ick.

JFC the point isn’t to learn to stop sleeping with ugly tramps. It’s to learn not to think of women as ugly tramps.

I'd not have any confidence in this man staying with you when you get older, or if you put on weight. He'll probably be off with a younger, prettier woman.

It doesn't sound like he has grown up if he is referring to the mother of his child as a "slut" though.

I think this would trouble me as well, @elefanty.

It almost seems like he's got a "Madonna-whore complex", which you weren't aware of at the beginning of your relationship because he evidently treated you like a Madonna. Right down to not sleeping with you for several months. And then as he started to speak about his past you learned about all the women he'd treated like "whores". Sorry about the use of that word, it's Freud's terminology, not mine.

I wouldn't like the idea that a man had treated me with care and respect because he somehow thought I was worth more than other women. I'd rather be with a man who treated all women with care and respect.

Haven't read the full thread so my apologies if I am repeating any one.

The way I read it OP is that you have traditional views yourself, e.g. only long term relationships, and the way he presented himself to you whilst you were in the dating phase was that he is traditional and gentlemanly. However his past sex life is anything but traditional and his views on women are not gentlemanly. This has understandably put you off him. He put on facade during the dating phase to reel you in and now his true nature is showing.

People do grow up. It disgusts to me think
of some of the men I had sex with if I’m honest so it’s plausible it does him too. We live and we learn.

I agree. At some stage or another I think you need to take accountability that you chose to marry this man. With such extreme examples, I aM failing to see how it’s come as such a surprise to you @elefanty

Your husband's past sex life isn't really the issue, it's the fact he speaks about women appallingly. He has zero respect for women and seems to see them as something to have sex with, rather than people. He speaks about the Mother of his daughter in a dreadful way. It doesn't matter if they had a ONS or were in a 10 year relationship, it doesn't excuse his attitude. It makes me wonder what he says to his mates about you, behind your back.

Why on earth are you with this absolute creep:

He talks about her poorly, calling her a tramp or ugly or a slut.

No excuse for this. None. He is showing you who he is. Walk away.

I only need to read 1) to know that this guy is a piece of shit and definitely not boyfriend material.

1. Early on in our marriage we were at a cafe and a woman in her pjs walked in (full of lip filler, tan, overweight - the opposite to me) and said “hiya babe you okay?”. DH denied knowing her but it was obvious that he did know her. I think from seeing his “type” before (his child’s mum) I assumed he’d slept with her at some point.

your husband sounds fucking vile. Any man who refers to a woman as a ‘slut’ is fucking disgusting

Agree with this so much. Can’t stand the word slut. I don’t think it’s even ‘a thing’. It’s a horrible word invented by men to shame the very behaviour they freely and happily partake in. What’s the male equivalent of a slut? There isn’t one. Any man who uses that word is disgusting.

I have a much more colourful sexual history than my husband. In fact, I’ve slept with 3 times as many people he has. He knew this from the start and didn’t care. He’d never dream of calling me a slut.

That's your response to reading that post?!

Id say to bleach/ anti bac your vagina

You both sound like misogynists tbh. Why aren’t you calling him out when he’s referring to women as ‘sluts’, ‘tramps’, ‘ugly’? I’d have nipped that right in the bud from the off. And the ‘overweight, tan, full of lip fillers’ dig doesn’t reflect well on you.

You both sound weird.

This is my ex-GF , she has a colourful past, sex with married men, stalking men who ghost her etc and I settlef and had a child with this, I wish i knew beforehand.

She hid all this and never discussed it until i made her a life partner

Ditto. Why is she a "slut"? Because she had sex with him?

But he's what...? A stud?

Revolting language. And the fact it's the mother of his child is even worse. My DH and his ex don't get along at all but never in a million years would he call her any name, never mind something so disrespectful.

Jeez, how disgusting is he. Him having slept with lots of women isn't a problem (at least wouldn't be for me), but calling them sluts, tramps, whores, disgusting, old and gross, etc - that's sickening. Especially the mother of his child, but the rest of them - too.

Divorce him. Men like that don't change, from experience. He might start talking the talk, knowing you might leave him. And might stop talking about them or saying the above things. But he'll always think it. He's one of those 'studs' who consider their one night 'conquests' to be 'hoes'.

To him, you're not 'like that'. A good, respectful girl, waited to have sex, yadda yadda. But his previous partners are sluts, and I'd bet my house he wouldn't say no to shagging one of the 'sluts' here and there, if he isn't already.

A disgusting pig.

These things aren't opposites - they are two sides of the same coin.

a ‘gentleman’ who ‘worships’ women only ever does so to the women who please him. It’s just the patriarchal pantomime

Gross man