Page 5 | Horrified by DD’s new boyfriend

Rosesspring · 2025-10-20T09:55:21+00:00

I know this sounds terribly judgemental but I can’t help but feeling my DD can do so much better. She has a new boyfriend - she has sent a photo of him (we haven’t met yet). Covered in tattoos - including his neck. He is currently out of work and lives with his parents on one of the local estates which has a dreadful reputation. Do I just keep my mouth shut and hope it doesn’t go anywhere?

SleepWalkingtoSeville · 20/10/2025 11:01

I know plenty of very successful people who are covered in tattoos. I also know plenty of successful people who grew up on council estates, and whom have had periods of unemployment for one reason or another. It’s quite possible that some people will be perfectly lovely with all three attributes. Do all three together make me somewhat wary? Possibly. But I’d wait to actually find out more before writing him off.

idri · 20/10/2025 11:01

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 10:58

I actually completely disagree with the same nothing brigade
I made it very clear to one of my daughters that her boyfriend would never be welcome in our family and if she had children with him they would never be welcome and funnily enough her relationship with me was more important than the potential relationship with him so she got rid.
We aren’t there to be our Children’s friends, we know better and they need to know that we know better

Edited

Wow.

This sort of behaviour will backfire on you one day. So controlling.

xanthomelana · 20/10/2025 11:00

Oh no not a neck tattoo 😱 this is surely a sign that he worships the devil.

As long as he treats her right I wouldn’t care less if he’s got tattoos or comes from a council estate with a dreadful reputation. She could be with a bloke who has no tattoos and comes from an affluent area who abuses her, appearance doesn’t define peoples character.

PevenseygirlQQ · 20/10/2025 11:00

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 10:58

I actually completely disagree with the same nothing brigade
I made it very clear to one of my daughters that her boyfriend would never be welcome in our family and if she had children with him they would never be welcome and funnily enough her relationship with me was more important than the potential relationship with him so she got rid.
We aren’t there to be our Children’s friends, we know better and they need to know that we know better

Edited

But she hasn’t even met him she’s seen a photo. Presuming her daughter is an adult she has no right to dictate who she can and cannot date

BelatrixLestrange · 20/10/2025 11:00

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LaughingAloudAsWeGoInsane · 20/10/2025 10:59

Why doesn’t he work?

Vitriolinsanity · 20/10/2025 10:58

LeftHandedPopcornScooper · 20/10/2025 10:56

As my gran used to say - you are a member of the welcoming party, not the selection committee.

Sage and excellent advice.

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 10:58

I actually completely disagree with the same nothing brigade
I made it very clear to one of my daughters that her boyfriend would never be welcome in our family and if she had children with him they would never be welcome and funnily enough her relationship with me was more important than the potential relationship with him so she got rid.
We aren’t there to be our Children’s friends, we know better and they need to know that we know better

FunnysInLaJardin · 20/10/2025 10:58

why not meet him before you decide he's no good for her?

PevenseygirlQQ · 20/10/2025 10:58

Of course keep yourself quiet. You can’t judge someone from a picture, where he lives and the fact he has tattoo’s is irrelevant and doesn’t mean he is a bad person. It would be better that he has a job but you don’t know the circumstances around it.

grapesstrawberriespleass · 20/10/2025 10:57

How old is she? You’re right, it does sound terribly judgemental. Tattoos don’t equate to terrible person and neither does being out of work at present. I grew up in a housing association street, I’m sure people like you would have looked down on me but I’ve turned out pretty well.

Caroparo52 · 20/10/2025 10:57

Yes. Stay stum and hope it will end naturally. If you say anything then you risk her not talking to you about him and loosing contact.

idri · 20/10/2025 10:57

Unfortunately I think you do have to keep your mouth shut. I can understand why you would want to say something though.

I just think it’s always best not to get involved in your kids relationships.

LeftHandedPopcornScooper · 20/10/2025 10:56

As my gran used to say - you are a member of the welcoming party, not the selection committee.