Horrified by DD’s new boyfriend

Wise lady 😀

Op what age is your Dd ? He might be alright you never know but it is best to be non committal and just hope it fizzles out.

As an aside 1 of my Dds was in a terrible relationship with a "nice lad" he was coercive and emotionally controlling ,

Be nice to him unless he gives a good reason for you not to

I love this, wise words indeed.

Your standards are very low.

Gosh, that's good! I'll definitely borrow your Gran's phrase.

You said that your grandchildren would never be welcome if you didn't like their father?

No. Sorry, no.

This is a bullying tactic. Like if you do that there will be consequences. You are forcing your children to make the decisions you want or forever be damned. Threatening to exclude and deny your daughters children was disgraceful. Your decision here was the poor one.

Good lord

My dad tried that with me. I kept the new boyfriend and didn't see my dad for two years.

He eventually begged for forgiveness, and later ended up being very close friends with the boyfriend. He treated me like a queen and I was blissfully happy the entire 15 years we were together.

Parents don't always know better.

Horrified? Over someone you’ve never met or know anything about, apart from having tattoos and living on a certain estate. Good God 😂

Does your daughter live with you?

Be open minded. Don’t judge someone before actually getting to know his character and personality.

You know the numerous threads about adult children going no contact..?

If she was going to go on to marry a reform candidate with a swatz sticker tattoo, I wouldn’t have required a relationship with any of them thank you very much

Sorry to derail OP but I do think you need to meet this person and then make your own mind up but don’t feel you need to facilitate or pander to it.

The surgeon that put my leg back together after an accident had two full sleeves of tattoos. Thank god they didn’t hold him back in the workplace.

He sounds awful but could be lovely , I have a small tattoo but would draw the line at neck , face or hand tattoos, maybe that’s why he can’t get a job . I’m afraid you’ll have to keep your concerns to yourself on this one .

I couldn't have putt it better myself.

i think the only exception would be if he was in prison for rape/chikd sbuse/murder etc. and even then only him, not any potential grandchildren.

No she’s lucky to have a relationship with me. It works both ways. We’re not there to be punch bags for our children to deal with all the shit they sent to us via unsuitable boyfriends that have never been part of the family and never should be.

If you actually felt there was a problem and not being as judgmental as it comes across, i would be become his best friend, she cant blame you for not being nice to him and the attraction will more than likely wear off if you become his bestie or he will run away screaming

I know plenty of people with tattoos who have jobs, including neck tattoos, I’ve also worked withe people who have pink hair doesn’t affect them doing their job one bit.

my god. You’re lucky to even have a relationship with her after that. How horrendous.

Is your DD happy? Has she given you any indication that he is treating her badly?

If you have really made this judgement based on the information you have given, maybe think about how your DD would feel knowing that's what you think of someone she cares about.

My DS has a lot of tattoos and lived at home until recently. He is a lovely human being and treats his GF with love and respect. I'd hate to think someone judges his suitability as a partner for their DD based on some tattoos.

If he's good to her, treats her well and is respectful - he's a good guy. If he doesn't, then I hope she's empowered enough to give him the elbow without your need for interference.

Covered in tattoos - including his neck. He is currently out of work and lives with his parents on one of the local estates which has a dreadful reputation.

Absolutely NONE of those points make me think he is a bad person. He could be lovely. Tattoos ≠bad person
no job (assuming he is between jobs and has held down jobs before) ≠ that he is lazy
lives with his parents (isn’t it lovely he has a supportive family) ≠ he is a bad person either
local estate with bad rep…brush…tar…

I'd be asking about how they met, what they've been doing, take an interest. As long as they aren't planning a pregnancy, there's no need to panic.

I mean, let’s be real here: the neck tattoos show he has zero judgment skills about how the world works. His employability has tanked because of them. So, I would feel the same as you, OP.

That said, you can’t go in all guns blazing because then you make him the forbidden fruit and you’ll have a Romeo and Juliet drama on your hands.

How old is your DD?

No, it makes my children make better choices
Because I can’t lose that situation either they make better choices
Or I don’t have to watch the carnage
But the number of people who sat back and said nothing while I was in a horrific relationship and then afterwards said yes never liked him was criminal