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Horrified by DD’s new boyfriend

114 replies

Rosesspring · 20/10/2025 10:55

I know this sounds terribly judgemental but I can’t help but feeling my DD can do so much better.

She has a new boyfriend - she has sent a photo of him (we haven’t met yet). Covered in tattoos - including his neck. He is currently out of work and lives with his parents on one of the local estates which has a dreadful reputation.

Do I just keep my mouth shut and hope it doesn’t go anywhere?

OP posts:
HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:17

grapesstrawberriespleass · 20/10/2025 11:14

@HRchatter oh yikes 😂😂😂 looking forward to seeing your post later in life “my children all went no contact with me and I can’t understand why? 😔😔😔”

You see, I would know exactly why If they make bad choices, they go don’t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.
but quite simply they don’t and they wouldn’t
I’m not going to tiptoe around keeping quiet about unsuitable candidates. On the off chance it might mean my kids don’t talk to me.
It’s far better to stop them making the mistakes in the first place then pick the pieces up afterwards
Because funnily enough you’ll get thrown into your face why didn’t you stop me?

Motomum23 · 20/10/2025 11:17

LeftHandedPopcornScooper · 20/10/2025 10:56

As my gran used to say - you are a member of the welcoming party, not the selection committee.

I think I love your gran! What a wonderful phrase!

WeeGeeBored · 20/10/2025 11:17

What is your daughter like? Is she going through a rebellious phase or is she a sensible person. Do you trust her decisions? She might have chosen a good person. Wait and see.

AutumnCosy2025 · 20/10/2025 11:17

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:08

Your standards are very low.

It's not me that's the problem here. Hold up a mirror. The way you treat your daughter is disgusting

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:15

PevenseygirlQQ · 20/10/2025 11:12

If he was abusive to your daughter then I understand why you stepped in, if he wasn’t and you just didn’t like him so whatever reason then you were unreasonable, you cannot dictate who any one can be with

I wouldn’t dream of dictating Who she can date that’s up to her.

But I can dictate who comes into the family.
And that’s the point, They then make their own mind up what’s more important?
And what’s important to them?
And if they’ve love their parents, we are more important than outsiders.
People have lost sight of this. You do actually get an opinion on this stuff. You don’t have to sit there and put up with any dross that your children attempt to inflict on your family.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/10/2025 11:15

Chiseltip · 20/10/2025 11:14

Jeff Bezos was once a middle aged, balding, fat man, who was "running a website" from his spare room . . .

This guy could become a self made Billionaire . . . . he could also become a drug dealer . . . you'll just have to wait and see.

Ah but did Bezos grow up on a - hold my nose 😁 - council estate?

Anditstartedagain · 20/10/2025 11:15

LeftHandedPopcornScooper · 20/10/2025 10:56

As my gran used to say - you are a member of the welcoming party, not the selection committee.

I have never heard this before but it’s great.

grapesstrawberriespleass · 20/10/2025 11:14

@HRchatter oh yikes 😂😂😂 looking forward to seeing your post later in life “my children all went no contact with me and I can’t understand why? 😔😔😔”

TheSwarm · 20/10/2025 11:14

"I know this sounds terribly judgemental "

Yes. Yes it does.

You haven't even met the guy, FFS.

Timetoheal4good · 20/10/2025 11:14

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:10

There weren’t any grandchildren
So we’re talking about fictional people that don’t exist it would’ve been 50% of a class a Cunt
Influenced for the rest of their lives by a class a Cunt.
If she had wanted to be a silly cow inflict that upon herself, there’s not much you can do but you don’t have to watch

No words

Chiseltip · 20/10/2025 11:14

Jeff Bezos was once a middle aged, balding, fat man, who was "running a website" from his spare room . . .

This guy could become a self made Billionaire . . . . he could also become a drug dealer . . . you'll just have to wait and see.

MikeRafone · 20/10/2025 11:14

Do I just keep my mouth shut and hope it doesn’t go anywhere?

yes - but invite him round for dinner and make a fuss of him

HelpMeGetThrough · 20/10/2025 11:14

we know better and they need to know that we know better

I completely disagree, my parents adopted that attitude and they didn’t always know better. They still do, but I just bloody ignore them.

I haven’t and never would adopt that attitude with my two boys. We’ve advised, but never would take the high and mighty attitude of “we know better than you”. They’ve turned out quite alright.

Lynz301 · 20/10/2025 11:13

LeftHandedPopcornScooper · 20/10/2025 10:56

As my gran used to say - you are a member of the welcoming party, not the selection committee.

Ooh I really like this!

PevenseygirlQQ · 20/10/2025 11:12

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:10

There weren’t any grandchildren
So we’re talking about fictional people that don’t exist it would’ve been 50% of a class a Cunt
Influenced for the rest of their lives by a class a Cunt.
If she had wanted to be a silly cow inflict that upon herself, there’s not much you can do but you don’t have to watch

If he was abusive to your daughter then I understand why you stepped in, if he wasn’t and you just didn’t like him so whatever reason then you were unreasonable, you cannot dictate who any one can be with

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:12

grapesstrawberriespleass · 20/10/2025 11:11

You sound absolutely disgusting and I guarantee your children hate you.

Guarantee they don’t love 🤣

Newmeagain · 20/10/2025 11:12

MauriceTheMussel · 20/10/2025 11:02

I mean, let’s be real here: the neck tattoos show he has zero judgment skills about how the world works. His employability has tanked because of them. So, I would feel the same as you, OP.

That said, you can’t go in all guns blazing because then you make him the forbidden fruit and you’ll have a Romeo and Juliet drama on your hands.

How old is your DD?

I agree with this. I work in a professional services firm and yes, things have changed and some people have tattoos! Nothing wrong with that, but they have tattoos that can be covered up. If you have tattoos on your hands, neck, etc you are automatically disqualifying yourself from many jobs. Fine if you are Elon Musk, but not a great idea otherwise…

Starlight1984 · 20/10/2025 11:12

My DH is covered in tattoos and was brought up on a council estate with no money at all. He's the loveliest, kindest and most hard-working man and best husband I could have ever wished for.

MauriceTheMussel · 20/10/2025 11:11

xanthomelana · 20/10/2025 11:06

The surgeon that put my leg back together after an accident had two full sleeves of tattoos. Thank god they didn’t hold him back in the workplace.

Yes, that’s one bloke. That’s not the rule, that’s the exception.

grapesstrawberriespleass · 20/10/2025 11:11

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 10:58

I actually completely disagree with the same nothing brigade
I made it very clear to one of my daughters that her boyfriend would never be welcome in our family and if she had children with him they would never be welcome and funnily enough her relationship with me was more important than the potential relationship with him so she got rid.
We aren’t there to be our Children’s friends, we know better and they need to know that we know better

Edited

You sound absolutely disgusting and I guarantee your children hate you.

SouthernFashionista · 20/10/2025 11:10

Understandable OP. Let’s be honest, who would choose that for their daughter. Hope she sees sense.

BnuchOfCnuts · 20/10/2025 11:10

hattie43 · 20/10/2025 11:06

He sounds awful but could be lovely , I have a small tattoo but would draw the line at neck , face or hand tattoos, maybe that’s why he can’t get a job . I’m afraid you’ll have to keep your concerns to yourself on this one .

On what basis does he “sound awful”?

noidea69 · 20/10/2025 11:10

Just make sure she goes on the pill.

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 11:10

Timetoheal4good · 20/10/2025 11:08

You said that your grandchildren would never be welcome if you didn't like their father?

No. Sorry, no.

This is a bullying tactic. Like if you do that there will be consequences. You are forcing your children to make the decisions you want or forever be damned. Threatening to exclude and deny your daughters children was disgraceful. Your decision here was the poor one.

There weren’t any grandchildren
So we’re talking about fictional people that don’t exist it would’ve been 50% of a class a Cunt
Influenced for the rest of their lives by a class a Cunt.
If she had wanted to be a silly cow inflict that upon herself, there’s not much you can do but you don’t have to watch

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/10/2025 11:09

Have you met him? Do you have confidence in your daughter’s judgement or do you think she’s an idiot?
Invite him to dinner. He might be awful. He might not.
Husband and I both grew up on council estates. No tattoos because they weren’t a thing then unless you were a sailor or soldier. In our 50s now, educated, successful, dare I say fairly refined and enjoying our lovely, middle class children and fruits of our labours.

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