I want a sleep divorce

You are afraid of hurting the feelings of a man whose response to the person he loves saying 'im struggling to share a bed, im getting no sleep, can we work on strategies together' is to basically shrug his shoulders and go 'not my problem'?
If my partner told me they were struggling to sleep because of me, id be horrified and be trying to find solutions because you know... I actually like them.
He wouldnt be hurt because he wants to sleep next to you, if he cared about sleeping next to you he'd want to make it comfortable for you - he'd be hurt because you sleeping elsewhere would 'prove' he was in the wrong and he (like many people) dont like being 'at fault' (but wont do anything to fix it because of stupid pride)

My husband is a sofa sleeper a lot of the time and I love it! I encourage the dog to share the bed with me as it keeps hubby downstairs 🫣

YANBU in the slightest. I suffer the same, if I had a spare room I’d be in there like a shot. As we don’t, I sleep on the sofa, not ideal but at least I don’t get woken up.

Sorry OP I find these posts completely bat shit, even though they're quote common.

I have no idea why people think that not being in the same small space as someone else when they're asleep will affect the marriage. That's completely different to moving bedrooms because you do t want intimacy or to be seen naked in front of someone or to spend time with someone. You can still do all that, and sleep in a separate room.

Secondly these selfish men expecting their wife to put up with constant (and often preventable) sleep deprivation just because she is their wife. Insisting drinking coffee just before bed even though it wakes you up is rude. Putting the light on in the night is rude. Setting an early alarm and then putting it on snooze is rude. Not doing anything to try and address snoring is selfish. He is being completely selfish and inconsiderate, resulting in you having needless but real health issues...and you're worried about going through with a very easy solution, because you don't want to hurt his feelings? You know that you're much more likley to have a heart attack or stroke if you're chronically tired?

Separate rooms have saved our sanity and reinvigorated our sex life. Do it.

Just have separate bedrooms. Have a cuddle last thing at night in your usual bedroom then skip off to sleep in peace elsewhere. Men often complain so bitterly about women not wanting to share a bed with them, but do nothing to improve sleep conditions. If he really wants you back in his bed, he needs to sort out the issues that are causing your sleep deprivation - which is far more likely to end a marriage than separate sleeping arrangements. Sleep deprivation is used as torture, and lack of sleep can cause serious issues like car crashes and other accidents.

we both snore to varying degrees. We always go to bed together, in same bed, but I’d say 7/10 nights one of us moves into spare room. I hated it at first but as others have said you both need your sleep.

Separate bedrooms here for the last 10 years or so and no apparent signs of divorce! There's nothing stopping us from "visiting" the other bedroom for a cuddle or whatever....

He doesn't care about your health or his feelings so don't bother yourself about his. Enjoy your new room. P.S make sure he is responsible for cleaning his own room including bedding,

If you have a spare bed just quietly move into it say you can't sleep because of x y z so even if its the odd night here and there so you can get a sleep.

So he's not slightly bothered about keeping you awake and affecting your health but you are worried about hurting his feelings by getting out of your own bed and sleeping elsewhere just to be able to function? Who taught you that behaviour? Just move and let him face the consequences of being a selfish bed partner.

Gosh that will make you ill.
If you have a spare bedroom make that nice and comfortable. Go to bed with him if you want but know it’s there if you need to escape.
At the very least have a duvet each.

We've officially slept in separate rooms for around 6 years. Before that, it was unofficially - me getting up in the night when I couldn't stand the snoring any more, and moving to the sofa, the spare room, or the sleep out.

It has had absolutely zero negative impact on our love, our relationship, or our marriage. It has certainly had a positive impact. One thing I would suggest, if you take over a bedroom, make it your own. I love my girly girl bed with a floral cover and a feminine rug!

🤔 we have separate bedrooms for sleeping... been married 20 odd years and still going strong! Sleep separated about 7.

As others have said, a good night's sleep is essential and honestly will also help your marriage- no build up resentment over sleeping habits.

But, it is essential to make time for each other... if you are on a loving and caring relationship that should not be a problem!

Me and my husband regularly sleep apart (maybe 3-4 nights a week), especially if we really need a good sleep, we both get a much better nights sleep and are in better moods as a result.
We made sure the spare room was nicely decorated so it isn’t a hardship sleeping in there.
Can you do that?

I’m sleep divorced! Have been for 6 years! We are otherwise very happily married. My husband is a light sleeper. I need the loo in the night. We both snore. And I have insomnia so like to read/listen to podcasts when I can’t sleep! He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. We were very sleep incompatible. We are happier apart.

If you have a spare room just go in there for one night and don’t go back! I actually wouldn’t make a big deal of it. Then work on making that your haven!

You can absolutely start the night off together or reunite in the morning for chat, coffee sex! But all much more pleasant if you have slept/have the prospect of sleep!

Tricker I’d you don’t have anywhere to go, but you could try separate beds in same room?

I also snore quite badly so I think it was a relief when I moved.

Whilst some of those things he can't help, he doesn't need to bother you with lights, no snooze at 5 am, and he can drink less fluids - caffeinated or otherwise in the evening. He'd sleep better, too, and be less fidgety.

I'm sorry you have this to deal with. I had similar (nothing like as bad) until recently but things are better now. I hope things improve as sleep us precious and so important.

DH and I haven’t had a shared bedroom since 2020 when he went into the spare room to avoid giving me COVID. It was a revelation for us both as he snores and I have peri-menopausal sleep issues.

We’re still happily married. We just share a bed on holiday now.

I moved rooms when my menopause was in full swing it was horrendous for us both although he was always up and down as well but I used to sleep through him, anyway it is great I love my husband but I wasn't sleeping properly and now I can scroll my phone if im awake or read a bit without disturbing him,

Many couples have separate bedrooms due to interrupted sleep from their partner's behaviour, it doesn't need to lead to divorce. That was the best thing we ever did a few years ago, its utter bliss to just do my own thing at the end of the night , DH feels the same way.

My grandparents had separate twin beds in their bedroom

My husband and I had separate bedrooms for a decade, since pregnancy snoring became intolerable. It worked really well for us, it was lovely. My space was my own, my bed was perfect. It was always the best treat when we’d visit each other’s rooms.

When he died, I didn’t have to get used to him not being next to me in bed, but I also wish I’d had those 10 years by his side at night. I got 8.5 years before our babies came along. 😔