I want a sleep divorce

Omg we have had a sleep divorce, it’s been the best thing for me personally. I actually don’t care how he feels about it, I literally have amazing sleep and it changed my life x

Yes if it’s Airbnb but not hotels - that somehow feels like a step too far.

Putting the light on is particularly twatty, selfish behaviour. Why would anyone do that?! I have always managed to find my way from the bedroom to the loo without putting any lights on. The bathroom is only 6 feet from my bedroom!

How have you not lost your shit at your DH's behaviour @Sleepingcreulty He is very selfish, and as has been said, he doesn't seem to care about YOUR feelings, so why are you so bothered about his?

Why do you care about hurting his feelings when doesn't care about yours? Getting up and putting the light on constantly, I'd have told him to get out ages ago.

Ah, sorry I can't help you with whether that is normal or not. Our dog isn't allowed upstairs in the bedrooms. We have a stair gate.

She's happy on her own and seems to sleep solid all night, I believe in one place, until anytime between 05:30-0730. 07:30ish when she knows the husband is very nearby. Earlier in the summer.

More than anything, he sounds incredibly selfish.

Separate bedrooms and stop worrying about his feelings (he doesn’t worry about yours). Don’t fanny about handwringing and being sleep deprived. Make a nice bedroom just for you.

To hell with his 'feelings' @Sleepingcreulty you cannot go on like this. Deep resentment will set in (if it hasn't already) and you will grow to loathe your husband. You NEED your own bedroom.

Me and DH are mid 50s and have been living together 32-33-ish years, married just over 30, and have had separate bedrooms for a decade or so. I also couldn't sleep because of his snoring, grunting, farting, moving about, and coughing, and he even whacked me in the face a few times.

I had a black eye for about a week once because his hand belted me in the face (when he was asleep and having a dream!)

He was OK for the first 15-17 years we lived together, but then it started to get more difficult to sleep with him... So after about 5-6 years of difficulty, I decided I was having my own bedroom!

As soon as I could, when our DC had left home, I got my own bedroom. It's glorious. I could NEVER go back, and we have separate bedrooms when we're on holiday too. DH started whining and pouting and saying 'what will people think?' I said 'I couldn't give a fuck.' He cared WAY more than me. He doesn't care so much now, but for the first year or two, he was terrified of what people would think. 🙄

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You can book separate bedrooms on holiday you know...

Forget just having separate beds, go the whole hog like me and DH and have rooms on different floors! That way you can't even hear him coughing etc at night, it's great!

This.
put yourself and your sleep quality first. Your current situation is ridiculous

he sounds like an utter wanker, tbh.

So: when he's asleep, sit up, shout loudly and put the light on. Set your alarm for 4:30 and snooze it until 5am...

And then tell him that one of you is going in the spare room, you don't care which of you it is but his arsing around must stop.

He sounds so annoying to sleep with! Definitely go for separate rooms you'll love it. And don't believe what you read about other people's marriages, obviously it's different for everyone. Do you think being exhausted and resenting him is good for your marriage?

I've been with DH 15 years, separate rooms for 12 of those (one period where we were renting a small place with one bedroom). We get in bed together plenty to hang out or shag or watch something, but both love having our own rooms with the temperate, bed firmness, and decor we each prefer. Even more important now as I go to bed at about 2am and he gets up for work at 6!

the first thing is: separate duvets
If you can, separate mattresses

He does not get to put the light on after you have switched off the light for the night

but why are you worried about hurting his feelings? he is depriving you of sleep. We'Re not allowed to do that to prisoners of war, fgs.

If you have a spare room, make it yours. Lock the door if necessary...

I wouldn’t worry about hurting the feelings of someone that selfish!

I have a DH similar to yours with the exception that he would never be inconsiderate enough to put the bathroom light on when he goes to the loo in the middle of the night!!
We slept in separate beds for about 8 months or so. DH initially wasnt keen on the idea, but I insisted so he moved into the spare room. However, I did feel a bit disconnected from him and felt like we were growing apart a bit.
So we came up with a solution in that he only sleeps in the spare room when he's working the next day (he works very early shifts like your DH) that way, his alarm doesn't wake me up at some ungodly hour, and he can get ready and dressed with the light on. And I get a blissful night of sleep!

Frightened of hurting his feelings? Really? He’s not frightened of being selfish (putting light on to go to the loo etc) so why should you care about his bloody feelings. Just go and sleep elsewhere.

Oh we also still have a happy loving marriage!

I moved to the sofa about 8 years ago when DS was born and never moved back! I wish I had my own bedroom but it is what it is, I can't stand being woken up by snoring and night time toilet trips or ill be tired and in a bad mood all day

We have been in separate bedrooms for the last 15 years. It saved our marriage. Our sex life improved massively as we were no longer tired!

Don't do this, he's an adult, and the consequence of his stubbornness and selfishness means he doesn't get to share a bed with his wife. Switching his coffee is a daft suggestion.

Separate rooms but before you do that, say to him ‘we are having to go into separate rooms because of you and your choices.’

If it was me I would be the one moving out, I would do up another bedroom like a luxury hotel room and wouldn’t let him inside the door.

I've banned small talk in the mornings in the last year or so. My husband's aware I don't want to be asked any inane questions or be forced into chit chat.
If he tries to speak to me, he'll get either 🤫 or, if I'm feeling particularly cordial, 👍.
Once I've had a coffee and gathered my thoughts, fine. Before that, no.

Separate bedrooms saved my marriage. Intimacy does not have to be confined to the bedroom :).

We are only in our early 40s and sleep separately around 4 nights a week. I wouldn't officially move into a separate room, but I'm such a light sleeper, I only stand a chance of a decent night if I'm on my own.

As for your husband switching the light on in the middle of the night, my husband could certainly try it once, but I guarantee there wouldn't be a second attempt, as Id be telling him in no uncertain terms that I thought he was a selfish prick.