I want a sleep divorce

‘Sleep divorce’ is a ridiculous way to put it - separate rooms for sleeping are the secret of many a long and happy marriage.

I very quietly slip out of bed and sleep in the lovely comfy double bed in the spare room, such bliss, even my dog follows me. This isn’t every night just when the thoughts of murdering my snoring farting heavy breathing duvet dumping DH get too strong. This means he remains alive and we remain married!!

I’m also sleep divorced most of the time ie when the kids are at uni. It’s bliss and I sleep so much better alone.

My husband snores. I often move into another bedroom. I need a proper night's sleep.

Seperate rooms is a game changer. I'm a light sleeper. DH snores & has a CPAP. Even the stream of air coming from it blowing in my face means I can't face inwards. See He often forgets to put it on or the mask shifts. He's also overweight so the bed shakes when he rolls over, and he goes to bed really late which wakes me up, and I had to tiptoe when I got up early. He's also a really hot sleeper so the bed gets sweaty.

I get uninterrupted sleep now & can get up early without worrying about waking him up. I love it!!

You'll have to make the decision, though. Your DH is perfectly happy the way things are so won't change. You'll have to put his feelings aside & tell.him you're not getting any sleep because of X y z & it's solved by seperate bedrooms. If he baulks, tell him to address the issues.

We have 2 double beds in 2 separate rooms. My husband has health issues which mean on the 4 nights before I have work we can't share or I would be useless at work and as his carer rest of the time. We have an alert system for if he needs me in an emergency. We've found a balance that works for us and reduces stress in the relationship hugely, and stops him feeling bad about disturbing what sleep I do get whilst still ensuring he's safe. We have a loving, healthy marriage.

Separate rooms, definitely. I can't function as a mum, teacher and house manager without proper sleep .
We've been sleeping separately since the arrival of our second baby, six years ago. I'm dreaming of moving to a 4 bedrooms house so he doesn't have to sleep on the sofa bed in the lounge. He's ok but it's not great for him. Still better than annoying each other every night.

I snore, he grunts, throws himself around and mutters. I still get hot in the night, have insomnia and need my own bed and room. We had a bedroom divorce a few years ago now, I still dont sleep well but having my own space is heaven.

Separate bedrooms all the way! There’s nothing at all wrong with it, it’s just recognising that for both of you, getting a good nights sleep is an essential part of being a functioning human. Me and my husband regularly sleep in different rooms and we both sleep much better that way.

Separate beds don’t lead to divorce. I think the issue is that some couples stop sleeping together because they don’t like each other, so it’s an indicator rather than a cause. I adore my husband and we often go through periods of sleeping separately because he snores/i’m too hot and fidgety.

Just out of interest do you have another room you can go to? It is much better believe me!
my STBEX husband is stubborn like this. Totally denies snoring even though sometimes I can hear his snoring from downstairs snd my daughter has backed me up! It was always me being unreasonable for waking him up!

Putting the light on each time he gets up shows he has no consideration for you so move to a different bed/room. My husband snores and we sleep in different rooms. It is much better as I don't hate him every morning! So have a better relationship. It did take me ranting one day for him to realise how much it affected me. Sleep is very important.

He doesn't seem afraid of hurting your feelings, at all. He doesn't seem afraid of ruining your health. Yet here you are worried about hurting his feelings because you want to escape a situation which he is actively enjoying continuing. This sounds like pure hell.

⬆This was a joke 🙄

Separate rooms is more normal than you think because everyone sleeps very differently and lack of sleep can make you feel so ill. I'm trying to think of anyone that actually shares a bed in our whole extended family and I can't and my parents and grandparents have been married 90 years between them and very happily. I've been married 10 and even when we go away we don't share a bed. Hubby has restless leg syndrome so before we even married we already knew separate beds and also since the kids came along his alarms at 4:30am were waking everyone upstairs so on days at work he stays downstairs. Trust me it's lack of sleep and grumpiness that will make a divorce lol not separate beds.

Just get your own room, I can't understand for the life of me why people sleep together if this sort of shenanigans is going on, I love my bedroom it's a lovely calm space, I couldn't bear a fidgety farting bloke constantly pissing ugh. Just decorate another bedroom and move in end of, he'll be fine, he can fidget away to his heart's content.

I'm fairly certain you bludgeoning him to death in his sleep will be worse than divorce, you can't keep allowing yourself to be sleep deprived!

If he values his feelings over your ability to get restful sleep then you've already got issues in your marriage.

Talk about separate bedrooms, explain why, a loving partner would be completely understanding (and mortified that they'd been effectively torturing their spouse!)

If it helps my nain and taid slept in separate rooms for 70+ years and had an obviously long and very happy marriage.

Separate bedrooms!

This

I think OP has gone. My concern is that it may have dawned on her from all our responses that she is married to a controlling bully and she probably isn't ready/able to do what should be simple (tell her oaf of a husband to stop being such a selfish pig).

He sounds utterly miserable to live with.

I have been married twice and as an insomniac, caused by emotional abuse, it wasn’t until I finally lived on my own that I realised how much separate bedrooms would have saved my marriage - for me, that is-I don’t think either husband would have accepted this as a long term solution. I am so happy now, and am never, sharing my home with anyone ever again. I’d rather live in a one room set up than have to share my bed time and my down time. I also find sleeping ‘sounds’ gross. Saying that, my dogs snore, but they don’t shout and ball at me…

You are obsessing about all the things he could do to disturb you less but he has no interest in having a less disturbed sleep or the effects his behaviour has on you. Stop putting your energy into fixing him and start thinking about what you need to do to get a better night's sleep. Separate rooms seems like the obvious answer. He cannot refuse to address the problems disturbing your sleep and then have hurt feelings when you take some responsibility to deal with it. Stand up for yourself.

And don't complain about his attitude to shoulder replacement surgery when you believe that separate beds will lead to divorce!

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. It affects our brains distorting our thinking & cognitive abilities, it has a negative impact on our health and reduces our life expectancy.

So do what you need to in order to have a decent night's sleep.

Absolutely this.
Do you have a spare bedroom? Make it yours and move in there asap.
If he protests ask if he would prefer divorce..
Some of the things you describe may be involuntary but others could be changed, by him, if he cared enough to bother.
Does he not care about you?
The 5am snoozing alarm is so selfish.

I can thoroughly recommend separate bedrooms and a large bed each. Doesn’t affect our marriage.