Adult ADHD diagnosis!

I got my diagnosis at the start of this year and have told nobody but my partner, precisely because of opinions like yours. It's really isolating.

Interesting that you think your diagnosis is fine, but other isn't?

People LOVE to tell the world they have ADHD, makes them feel good.

Maybe they shouldn’t say offensive things like ‘we’re all a little bit ADHD’…..because no we’re not.

Yeah this is the other thing - banging on about your life changing diagnosis is like telling someone at agonising length about a dream you had. Literally nobody cares.

Trying to think of a polite way of saying this but please don’t do that. People are trying to move on and change the subject; they really don’t want a PowerPoint!

No I think I'm pretty smart tbh but I also don't think my life would be any different "if only I had known".

I live in total physical chaos and do several jobs simultaneously so I don't know what my deal is but who cares when the prescription speed keeps the mood up hey.

If you can keep your house within touching distance of tidy you do not have ADHD is my number one prejudice on the matter.

I was diagnosed at 44. Not a single person - friend, family, colleague was in the slightest bit surprised. It felt as though everyone knew but me.

I have encountered relatively little negative reaction from others - mainly “we’re all a little bit ADHD, aren’t we?” (at which point I offer to run through my PowerPoint slide deck on why that isn’t the case).

I don’t use it as an excuse, but I do use it to explain to others when I might need something different or different information.

To a point, I agree with this and this is where it becomes an excuse.

I could have done better at school if I hadn’t had ADHD / mother didn’t die / revised the right part of the history exam / read the set text (no really in one case!) / done this / turned left / turned right / whispered to the moon

But I didn’t.

And that’s all there is to it. The whys aren’t important; what matters is what is.

I sometimes think similar with children, I see a lot of posts that seem to have a scooby doo view that if they hadn’t had children they’d be sipping cocktails in Paris and no, you wouldn’t be. You’d still be middle aged with laundry and a job.

Yes I judge them so it is judgemental. Some of them I know well enough to know they just don't have much imagination or spark. They are neat professionals who can't focus on boring things because guess what boring things are boring but they lack the intelligence generally to see the bigger picture.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead i think there is a bit of a spectrum with this. My brother is pretty severely affected and he can’t be normal! Me … I can mask; I do it well. But it has taken years of honing and practice. But I do recognise not everybody can do this.

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack thats true for ADHD, but medication is sometimes not the answer or can lead to further issues. And of course for autism there is nothing.

I think it has been helpful for me to understand some of my past behaviours (we all know what it’s like to be awake at 3 with your brain going ‘hmm, let’s think about that thing that happened in 2006’ but for me I can now say ‘ah yeah, that was because …’

I have more compassion for myself but also for my parents, who must have found me baffling and frustrating. So all to the good. What I really don’t personally like is when people make ADHD their personality. I may have autism and or ADHD. I’m still me. Claiming that has been the most powerful and freeing thing of all.

Your post is so confusing; so do you think you are also a dim lady raised in aspirational lower middle class climes?

I think that a lot of people would have the view that people with depression (and probably anxiety) are just whining about normal life and need to buck up.

I think that for some people, ADHD, depression, anxiety are grouped together under the same umbrella of “things people use as excuses”.

(To be clear, that’s not my view. I had very severe PND, and have had an anxiety disorder for over a decade)

Wow, that's pretty judgmental. How can you say what they might have achieved of they had had better support?

I had the opposite problem tbh. I was very academic, so my problems were masked for years. I often think I'd have got help sooner if I had underperformed at school.

I would add. I'm "normal". Whatever that is. I just happen to have adhd as well. It doesn't make me a freak!

I have this diagnosis. I think I am unusual in some ways but I also think ADHD is in general a load of old cope for people who either need more sleep or aren't nearly as clever as they think. I know so many neat, dull little women insisting they'd have done SOOOOO much better at school if only they'd known and I just think no my love you are a dim lady raised in aspirational lower middle class climes that's all.

Having a diagnosis is hugely helpful to a lot of us, simply in terms of understanding ourselves. And medication can make a huge difference for those who are able to take it.

It's fair enough not to pursue a diagnosis if you don't feel that you want one, but that doesn't mean that others might not find it helpful.

'Jumping on the bandwagon'. Bloody hell. Would you say that about depression? I bet not.

I think that, unfortunately, this will be the view of more people than are willing to say it out loud.

I'm not going to flame you for it, but can't you see that willing yourself to be normal won't make you normal?

Many of us have willed ourselves into being normal until we've had mental breakdowns, relationship breakdowns, ended up sectioned, asking for voluntary holds, lost jobs, been abused, lost skills we previously had, developed cPTSD.

One of the criteria is that the traits presented must be substantially disabling. You don't get a diagnosis if you're not substantially disabled. I know that's probably hard for you to see as you've not been through the diagnostic pathway, but the assessments themselves are like walking through the circles of hell on your hands and knees, being flagellated as every single thing in your life is pathologised against your will.

I also understand your point of view that you think the diagnostic criteria is being diluted, it isn't. Support needs are recognised even if they're not labelled at diagnosis. There will always be those who are higher support needs and those who are lower support needs, but the lower support needs people are still substantially disabled by having autism or ADHD.

In a way, for late diagnosed people it does rewrite the past. That's not a bad thing in context. We also don't all view ourselves as perpetual victims either. If that's how you view us, do you think the same of blind people for living in a world that isn't accessible to them? I mean, people don't always respect that guide dogs have a job to do, or move out of the way, or recognise the tactile pavement they're hogging is necessary for people using a cane to determine where abouts they are, and people who are distracted by phones, kids, chatter, often bump into them. Does that make them perpetual victims for having a disability that they can't control? I don't think they'd think kindly of being viewed as a perpetual victim.

The world isn't built for them, no more than it is for us, but your inner sense of ableism is telling you that if we make our needs known and they're habitually not met that we're victimising ourselves.

Anyway, I don't expect I can change your mind. You think what you think and that's that, but sometimes we need to check our inner narrative.

I think your friend should follow tips for living with ADHD, take medication if prescribed etc but not tell everyone in his/her life - work, casual friends, wider family etc, as when a diagnosis is widely spread, it does seem that the person is looking for special treatment.

I have a friend who has a successful life - degree, job, friends, seems generally content with things. She got an ADHD diagnosis and it's become a big part of her personality now - she finds the way her ADHD brain works really interesting, but it's not that interesting for anyone else

It's a tough one re work. I have a lot of autonomy in my role, so I don't really need specific adjustments to be made by anyone else. For this reason, I have chosen not to share at work, with the exception of sharing with one of my direct reports who was line managing someone who I strongly suspect also has adhd.

If adjustments are needed, then disclosure is probably advisable, but I would advise anyone to proceed with caution in this situation.

It has actually ruined my life. Massively underachieved despite having a great education and very bright parents. Not being able to concentrate is a blocker to any half-decent job. I use alcohol to help calm my mind but decades of doing that has led to me having early stage liver disease. I get so angry at people that minimise the impact ADHD can have on people.

What do you think would happen if you did mention it to your GP?

I think this is what I do genuinely find bewildering; what do people think will actually change when they have a diagnosis? There isn’t a cure, it is you, for better for worse so to speak.