Adult ADHD diagnosis!

Trouble is, I'm incapable of putting things back in the same place without really concentrating. My husband of many years has now learnt where to find things I last had, because he's fought a losing battle trying to get me to put it back properly. I'm better than I was, and it does help that at least he puts things in the right places.

I still open every drawer for a spoon despite the fact that the spoons are always in one specific drawer. I know that, so why is it that in the moment, I don't just open the correct drawer? It isn't like we've got 47 different drawers!

I really relate to this post. On the outside, people see me as a successful woman who has, over the years, effectively juggled a very demanding career, a part-time Master's degree, various voluntary commitments, being an involved parent and being a carer for two elderly relatives. People often marvel at how I manage to fit everything in.

What they don't know is that I compulsively overcommit myself because my brain is constantly seeking novelty and challenge. That I can rarely do anything until it becomes urgent, and so I live in a constant state of panic, shame and guilt about all the stuff that I haven't done. That I spend hours looking for stuff that I have lost. That I spend £££ on replacing things that I have lost or paying for express deliveries etc. That I have Alexa devices all over the house giving me constant reminders to keep me on track. That my bedroom permanently looks as if a bomb has hit it. That I have lost count of the sleepless nights I have spent trying to meet a deadline because, no matter how hard I try, I simply can't get my brain in gear until I really have to. That I can rarely sleep well even when I'm not trying to meet a deadline because I don't know how to switch my brain off. That I spend much of my life worrying that the mask will slip and that others will see my chaos in all its glory.

It's exhausting. There are times when I just want it all to stop. And yes, the menopause has somehow made things even worse. And I am not able to take medication either, sadly.

People who think it's just "an excuse" can fuck off. They're very lucky that they have no idea what they're talking about.

you know that saying "if you want something done ask a busy person"? i think it's more if you want something done ask an ADHDer - we will jump at it to procrastinate what we really have to do !

And it's not just fun, i have been known to clean the toilets because i actually had a work thing to do but can't engage my brand on that and procrastinate with chores

I had my ADHD diagnosis earlier this year at 51 years old.

I also scored highly for ASD but not pursuiing that diagnosis as my assessor said without the parental letters about my childhood it would be difficult.

My child has ASD (diagnosed) and that led me to pursue my own.

I am a successful middle-aged woman, BUT I have had YEARS to develop strategies.

People say oh but you are on time, you hit your deadlines, you hold a job. What they don't see is the 5 alarms for each stage of leaving the house, the frantic procrastination before the deadlines and then fact I have been in the same job for 20+ years having built a series of accommodations and strategies even before diagnosis.

Peri-menopause actually exacerbates ADHD symptoms and that has made me get to a point where I was floundering and my strategies weren't working.

My ADHD diagnosis helped me be kinder to myself. not as an excuse as I am still fiercly independent but in a way that it's ok to slow down a bit.

I was on a waiting list for 3 years, it wasn't 'handed in' to be trendy.

ALso I tried meds - meds don't work for me. The stimulants left me with insane insomnia - i should have known as I can't drink energy drinks either - and the Non-Stimulants were working a bit but gave me gastrointestinal problems and the side effects were too much for the small benefits i got.

how you can help? i don't know? maybe making your friend aware of plans, not changing things last minute, giving plenty of notice, not feel targeted if they interrupt when you are talking or blurt out ends of sentences - honestly can't help it sometimes. and tasks have to either be done now or not-now and if a task is not-now we need reminders, calendar notices, anything to do them as the not-now time tends to vanish into oblivion.

Also we need things visible or we forget about them, in a cupboard? often out of mind. Things have to be in the same place, keys, phone, etc, or we forget. And so on...

I want to answer your post about hyperfocus but I'm a bit busy right now. I'll come back to you though!

Tell me you know nothing about adhd without telling me.

If only it was just being a bit disorganised and procrastination but the ANXIETY is horrific. The overwhelm is indescribable. Now I’m on meds, when I’m an overwhelmed with tasks I can list them, before meds my brain couldn’t even untangle my thoughts. We joke that said people have no filter because we just say the things that come into our head but we have no incoming filter either so all the sounds and all the sights just hit us all the time, overstimulating and exhausting us.

And someone with likely ADHD has totally kept those for over thirty years and knows where they can be located! Which goes to show how farcical it all is! (I don’t mean the diagnosis as such, more the process.)

I think to have an ADHD diagnosis in adulthood (as opposed to childhood when it might be a problem at school) is indeed an excuse not to work on yourself. Like procrastination - it's sheer laziness. I am like that all the time - because frankly, it's always more pleasant to waste time doing pleasant things rather than work. I won't try to seek any mental health diagnosis, because I know I'm just lazy. If I worked harder and tried to be more organised, I wouldn't have this problem. As simple as that. As adults were are mature and self-conscious and should try to improve our behaviours, and not seek excuse to justify our bad behaviours.

Thank you for that thoughtful post. The reason I thought about this was a few years ago a friend was discussing her diagnosis and I recognised so much if what she was saying. She sent me some of her assessment questionnaires and I ticked a lot of boxes. I read them out to my husband, and he nodded away.

Then I went down a rabbit hole of ND web forums. On one, people were asked to share their latest hyper focus. People posted amazing art and crochet, intricate Lego models, etc. Then I got to thinking I'm not sure spending hours trying to get a high score on fruit merge really counts.

I obsess about computer games, particularly puzzle ones, but I'm not that good at them. I resort to walk through guides a lot.

I don't know, I just suppose I started to feel that there'd be something about me that would indicate something more going on beyond what those people who say, 'everyone's a little bit ADHD'.

I kind of wondered if I wasn't wanting to be less ordinary than I am. If I wanted a reason why I struggle to cope with stress at work to the point that I always prefer more hours at minimum wage than more stress for more money.

One of the posts further up talked about novelty, etc. I think I want novelty, but hate being in a position where I'm learning something new, because I don't pick things up quickly. It would be fine if, like the computer games, I could learn in private, without the quick people tutting, but it isn't at work. In the past, I have been known, where possible, to cover my deficiencies by simply putting in a shit ton more hours and not claiming the time back, just to hide the fact that it takes me twice as long as everyone else.

Did they try you on lisdexamphetamine or just methylphenidate? I was told the latter (eg Concerta) work for about 70% of people, and of the remaining 30% lisdexamphetamine (eg Elvanse) works for 85% of them. If you're in the UK they always start with methylphenidate. I know in some countries e.g. Netherlands only the Concerta type are available.

I hope your diagnosis has helped you understand yourself more and be kinder to yourself ❤️

Maybe they shouldn’t say offensive things like ‘we’re all a little bit ADHD’…..because no we’re not.

Unfortunately I am one of the small % of people for whom stimulants didn't work.
Sigh

ah but yes, if i don't put the keys in the dish when i get home I will look for them for half an hour as they can be anywhere - a pocket, a bag, etc.

Sometimes muscle memory helps - i could probably dial my childhood phone number out of muscle memory. and having been in the same place for 15+ years i always do the same. if i moved house i'd be fucked !

Trouble is, I'm incapable of putting things back in the same place without really concentrating. My husband of many years has now learnt where to find things I last had, because he's fought a losing battle trying to get me to put it back properly. I'm better than I was, and it does help that at least he puts things in the right places.

I still open every drawer for a spoon despite the fact that the spoons are always in one specific drawer. I know that, so why is it that in the moment, I don't just open the correct drawer? It isn't like we've got 47 different drawers!

I had my ADHD diagnosis earlier this year at 51 years old.

I also scored highly for ASD but not pursuiing that diagnosis as my assessor said without the parental letters about my childhood it would be difficult.

My child has ASD (diagnosed) and that led me to pursue my own.

I am a successful middle-aged woman, BUT I have had YEARS to develop strategies.

People say oh but you are on time, you hit your deadlines, you hold a job. What they don't see is the 5 alarms for each stage of leaving the house, the frantic procrastination before the deadlines and then fact I have been in the same job for 20+ years having built a series of accommodations and strategies even before diagnosis.

Peri-menopause actually exacerbates ADHD symptoms and that has made me get to a point where I was floundering and my strategies weren't working.

My ADHD diagnosis helped me be kinder to myself. not as an excuse as I am still fiercly independent but in a way that it's ok to slow down a bit.

I was on a waiting list for 3 years, it wasn't 'handed in' to be trendy.

ALso I tried meds - meds don't work for me. The stimulants left me with insane insomnia - i should have known as I can't drink energy drinks either - and the Non-Stimulants were working a bit but gave me gastrointestinal problems and the side effects were too much for the small benefits i got.

how you can help? i don't know? maybe making your friend aware of plans, not changing things last minute, giving plenty of notice, not feel targeted if they interrupt when you are talking or blurt out ends of sentences - honestly can't help it sometimes. and tasks have to either be done now or not-now and if a task is not-now we need reminders, calendar notices, anything to do them as the not-now time tends to vanish into oblivion.

Also we need things visible or we forget about them, in a cupboard? often out of mind. Things have to be in the same place, keys, phone, etc, or we forget. And so on...

It's a life changing diagnosis, largely in a positive way. It allows people to understand their life to date and why they can be hugely talented in some areas while really struggling in others. Medication can be astonishingly effective - stimulants are the most effective psychiatric medications by miles. We can but dream of making other psych meds as effective as ADHD meds!

Hi, I was diagnosed two years ago just before I turned 40. Firstly, thankyou for wanting to support them! I found it was very hard for some people in my life to accept, which made some relationships strained for a while. I had been extremely dismissive of adults being diagnosed with it for years, as to me what they were describing wss just "real life" which the rest of us had to get on with. After I experienced total burnout at work, a friend kindly pointed out to me that there might be a reason that the list of symptoms seemed like normal life to me, and honestly it felt like an extraordinary revelation that explained so much of my struggles in childhood, at work and in parenting. Over the last couple of years the main thing that's shifted is my sense of shame at what I thought was me not being good enough or not trying hard enough. I've put a lot of practical things in place to support myself through work and parenting, which are incredibly helpful.

I honestly think that the main thing you can do is be curious. Share how your brain works too (I have found some conversations with my neurotypical friends utterly fascinating) and help her to explore this new way of seeing herself