To think I have to move from sheer embarrassment?

Bought round, not invited him in to drink with him.

You clarified, he's obviously just got a big ego 😂
A man brought DH round a pack of beer after DH caught his dog which was running in the road and managed to track the owner down on SM, its a common thank you offer hardly a clear come on.

@GreyCarpet

I have spoken to men in social situations over the years who have managed to shoe horn their wife into the conversation early on. IIt ight have slightly amused me at the time because I wasn't interested but I appreciated why they were doing it.

I hate it when men do this. So theatrical, over the top and defensive.

Me and my wife love that restaurant, yes I go there a lot with my wife.
Are you going on holiday this year? Yes my wife also loves Barbados. I said to my wife we'll have to book early.

Yawn. All women aren't trying to get off with you because they have basic social skills. If you can't communicate with members of the opposite sex without blushing and having to namedrop your wife three times per sentence its not my hang-up. I'm not interested in you I'm just capable of having a normal conversation.

So tedious.

No... 🙄

It's just being aware of what you are communicating and signaling, nuance and different situations to avoid miscommunication.

Eg I offered tea/coffee to the man who came to clean my oven and the man who came to service my boiler. They both accepted and drank it whilst they were working. That was appropriate.

I would not have invited either of them to stay for a beer (or tea/coffee) after their job was finished even though i knew i was their last job of the day. That would have been inappropriate and instinctively felt wrong. Probably on both sides!

So what if that's what you would do? What's the relevance?

I think he made it weird,not you, but maybe his girlfriend is the sort that would kick off. Its quite an odd response from him.
I dont think you have anything to be embarrassed about, but i wouldnt ask him for help again. Id be polite but a bit frosty from now on. Hes made a fool of himself, not you

Oh my goodness, my builder just told me very clearly and deliberately about his girlfriend. I wasn't thinking that way at all - he's lovely but he's about 12! 😳😂

I just read a lot about salt transport through stone types because I'm a huge nerd so was excited to talk about it. But we can shrug this off, OP. It will all be forgotten as quick as anything.

We NEED the laughing reaction emoji back!

@ConnieHeart So I need to be more cautious because all men think they're so irresistible to women that to offer a thank you drink, means you want to rip their clothes off?

Exactly. It's the change in dynamics.

As always, the devil is in the detail.

A cuppa while he's working, or just after he's finished is very different from sitting down with him when he's done with a beer & food. I'd find it a bit strange if my OH had done this with a woman he was either working for or did a job for. Even more so if it was a 5 minute job of moving a sofa! I trust my OH 100% but would think the woman, especially if she was single, would be hoping for a bit more. I don't mean she'd be hoping he'd shag her but maybe to arrange a proper date in the future

I think until it's acceptable in the eyes of the majority for woman to approach a man she's interested in directly, many women will continie to resort to dropping their metaphorical lace hanky to signal iinterest.

😅 likewise!

but, seriously, there was a thread along the lines of a poster had seen a van parked near her house. I forget now whether he was there working or lived there but she'd ascertained he was a builder. She wanted to know how to get talking to him.

The majority of posts advised things like, "Don't you have X that needs fixing? 😉" or "Ask him to come and take a look at Y for you. Drop in that you don't have a husband to do it. Invite him out for a beer to say thank you." "You'll know by his response if he's interested! "Don't forget to update!" "Shall I buy a hat??"

Whenever there's a "There's a man on my street/at my hobby/in my local coffee shop/at my gym I fancy" type threads, there are always suggestions to ask him for help or advice and offer to take him for a beer to say thanks.

They're probably equally matched by the, "Do nothing. If a man is interested, he'll let you know," replies. And closely followed by the replies that try to put the OP in her place, "He's probably married." "How embarrassing for you," type responses.

Im with you i cant see where the embarassing moment is.
Let alone what he said was not wrong he said no dont think my girl friend would be too pleased a normal response.

@ConnieHeart A drink offered as a thank you, is different?
If a man thinks a woman wants sex with her because she offered a drink, then that's a problem. That's a step away from saying, well, she offered me a drink, so I thought it was OK. Thankfully, this guy had the sense to leave, which only makes him a silly bugger.

I’m soooo puzzled. This isn’t Embarassing at all, is it? In what universe does offering someone a beer merit a moments thought? I think I must be living on a different planet.

I'm possibly naive.

It's very different putting food & drink out for him while he's working to inviting him to have it with her after he's finished. You must realise that

This is where I'd end up saying unwittingly
oh, does your girlfriend not like you drinking?
leaving him thinking, I think his girlfriend is controlling

That's your interpretation.

Alternatively, it wasn't passive-aggressive. It was just unequivocal. If he is attractive (as the OP says), then it's not beyond the realm of possibility that women do flirt with him on occasion.

Maybe he's just adopted a single, one size fits all response which covers every eventuality

I have spoken to men in social situations over the years who have managed to shoe horn their wife into the conversation early on. IIt ight have slightly amused me at the time because I wasn't interested but I appreciated why they were doing it.

Again, a common complaint of women who post on here is that their partner got chatting to a previously unknown woman and didn't mention he had a wife/girlfriend. There are always lot of responses along the lines of, "Why didn't he mention you? Why was he keeping you a secret? He's up.to no good."

Some people are just aware of possible misunderstandings and like to keep things clear.

Yeah maybe, it would have been less embarrassing I guess if he could have just said ‘ah no thanks, better get back’ or whatever. Saying his girlfriend ‘wouldn’t be happy’ could definitely be seen as saying ‘you definitely fancy me so my girlfriend wouldn’t like it’ - but maybe he just wanted to be 100% clear he wasn’t available just in case? Maybe HE thinks the OP is gorgeous so he was bringing the girlfriend up as much for himself as for the OP. Maybe she’s a controlling harridan who doesn’t let him have female friends. Maybe he’s a cocky twat who assumes every woman wants him. Maybe he’s just a nice guy who blurted out the first thing that came into his head and he’s kicking himself now.

Who cares, the OP says she doesn’t fancy him anyway and she got her furniture moved so all good. I don’t think it’s that mortifying honestly - it’s ok to fancy people so even if he thinks the OP did, let him think it and laugh to yourself about how silly men and their egos are - no need to die of embarrassment!

@ConnieHeart He had it whilst helping. Why? Should I put up a post asking if people think he had other intentions?

@Meandmyguy Aw, poor men.😪

But context is everything!

Ask a man at work if he’d like a beer one evening- of course that’s a declaration of interest. But a guy from next door who’s just done a physical task for you for free? Anyone would offer a cuppa or the equivalent.

If this weird folk-belief is true then I’ve unintentionally propositioned a few blokes in my time…oooer, missus!😲

What’s depressing or small minded or, shock horror, suburban, about it?

What’s an acceptably broad minded and urbane way to signify sexual interest then?

Asking someone for a drink is pretty standard I’d have thought?

And it doesn’t always mean you’re interested - but it can and very often does.

You quite like the look of someone, you find a reason to start a conversation - could be asking a favour, could be commenting on something they’re wearing/ doing, could be asking about what they’re reading etc. That goes well so you test the waters by asking if they want a beer. If they say yes you proceed to judge how that goes and whether you get ‘interested/ available’ signals. If they shut it down completely you can shrug your shoulders and say ‘oh well it was only a friendly beer’ - no harm done and everyone knows where they stand.

Maybe the ubiquity of internet dating has taken over now, but this used to be quite standard stuff.

It doesn’t mean EVERY time you ask for a favour or offer a beer you’re trying to shag the other person, but it’s not completely and wildly out of the bounds of possibility that someone on the receiving end of such an invitation to interpret it that way, or believe that it might be heading in that direction.

Particularly if that person is a man who are statistically more likely to think that women fancy them if they so much as extend a cheery good morning.