To think I have to move from sheer embarrassment?

He may not have assumed you fancied him, maybe his GF is the jealous type. Either way, no need for you to be embarrassed, you were just being friendly.

I think I might be tempted to have a bit of fun with it. Maybe wink at him when you see him around - or mention how strong he was moving the furniture and feel his biceps lol.

ETA, might be best not to do this while the GF is about lol.

Actually, numerous pps have made judgements about what is/isn't appropriate, based solely on the fact that these are partnered people of opposite sexes, and one of them more or less specifically stated that it isn't appropriate to try to get to know someone of the opposite sex if they have a partner. Plus you yourself have fretted about 'intention' and 'aspersions' in your posts. Not everything in the world revolves around sex.

I don’t think he mentioned sex. He just didn’t think it appropriate to drink beer with a single neighbour while his girlfriend was absent. I don’t blame him. He doesn’t know her - for all he knew he could end up being accused of something he didn’t do. Better to be safe than sorry.

I wouldn’t worry, you were being nice, and he sounds a bit up himself really. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Its a nice gesture but maybe buying him a 4 pack would have been better. I'm sure its good.

Not one person has said that

This made me laugh as I once offered an A&E nurse some money after she helped me go to the bathroom. She wasn't actually assigned to me iyswim, so I thought I'd show my appreciation by inconspicuously shoving £5 into her hand.
She opened it up and handed it back for the whole waiting room to see.
Then I had to wait another 4 hours wondring what she'd said to her colleagues.
Feelings of pain and shame the whole time!!

Honestly, the pearls being clutched by some on this thread. It's 'not appropriate' for people to get to know each other simply because they have partners and don't have the same genitals as each other?

Golly, imagine if OP's petticoat hem had been visible under her skirts too. Then she'd have jolly well deserved to be paraded through the streets as a tease and a trollop, I suppose. 🙄

@GreyCarpet if more people were so clear and honest about boundaries the dating world would be much easier to navigate.

I think it’s the “getting to know you” part that is a bit problematic. If he had stayed for the beer what would they have talked about? They would have been getting to know each other. He quite rightly thought that wasn’t appropriate unless it was about op getting to know both him and his girlfriend as neighbours. Also, why beer? Would op have offered the same to a woman? I very much doubt it. He may have been a bit clumsy but he was trying to set a respectful boundary.

Which is a perfectly reasonable position to hold and most of us go through life like that most of the time. But many people are looking for someone whether to partner up with or just to shag.

And a lot of people have also been in uncomfortable situations where someone has misread signals - both male and female. Many people are aware that it can happen and so feel more comfortable making their position clear for the benefit of everyone.

I'm 51 and I still get hit on/approached/misread by men of all ages at times. My partner had an uncomfortable situation when we first got together because a mutual friend assumed he was interested in her because he was friendly and (to sum it up very briefly) found it difficult to accept he wasn't and let go of that.

Most people do go through life just being friends or treating people like just another person and some people.have found themselves in uncomfortable/awkward/unpleasant situations and like to just be clear.

So, yes, some men will assume they're gods gift and so will some women. But many people would just feel uncomfortable sitting in a house having a beer with someone they didn't really know and where the boundaries weren't necessarily clear or completely unknown.

In those cases, it's absolutely fine for someone to put a boundary in place for themselves without it being a reflection of or casting aspersions on anyone else.

I was thinking the same. Last couple of times someone came to do work at my place I gave them lunch. Having said that they were here for a good many hours.

Even if something had briefly crossed the guy's mind he didn't have to express it, could have just said, "Thanks but no, I have to get back now". He made it awkward. Some people are naturally hospitable and offering a drink after doing a job is quite normal in my opinion.

The op did nothing wrong and needs to forget it.

FFS I once made a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich for the man who came from Dell to repair my laptop. It was not a come on and he did not take it as one.

@SomeHorse

Yep. As if people walk around with some sort of scanning device on their head all the time looking to see if people are single or not.

I don’t care. Even when I was single I didn’t really care: I was happy to take people as I found them without endlessly searching for clues as to their marital status. Get to know someone before you ask yourself if you want to have sex with them? Or just, you know, treat them like a fellow human being, without immediately considering them as a potential mate. There’s a thought.

So reductive and limited.

I think some people are being deliberately obtuse.

I also have male friends I go out for a beer with or would invite in for a beer.

Drinking beer is not an issue. Having male friends is not an issue.

I also have colleagues (male, married) I arrange to meet up with for coffee/lunch during the working day.

Lunch and coffee are not an issue either. Male colleagues are not an issue.

I would offer a beer to a male friend who had helped me out.

I'm friendly and chat with the chap next door if we see each other. But, if I ever had cause to ask him to help me with a 5 minute job if my partner wasn't around, I wouldn't invite him to sit with me drinking a beer after the job was done.

I don’t really know him. He's not my friend. I don't know how it would be perceived or what sort of person he is.

It's not the beer or the 'cold drink' or the coffee. It's the situation. I have a different relationship with my friends and colleagues to people who are just my neighbours. As do most people.

I agree, @Thepeopleversuswork. It alternately cracks me up and depresses me that so many posters on here only seem capable of thinking of men in terms of their marital status or as a putative sexual/romantic relationship. They’re also just fellow citizens, walking around in the world like the rest of us.

I think his response was weird and presumptuous, rather than the ‘automatic reflex’ of a ‘decent guy’.

@bumbaloo

A lot of decent men do this. They aren’t even thinking of whether you fancy them of think they fancy you or not. It’s an automatic reflex. So as not to create any question.

I disagree I think men who do this are small minded insecure preeners who want to endlessly reinforce their status.

Why does there need to be a “question”? I talk to men all the time on a professional and personal basis. It doesn’t cross my mind to wonder about their marital status. Why is this relevant?

Perhaps you are feeling so embarrassed because you did have an ulterior motive?

What he said is quite straightforward and reasonable. Only you know this, but if he said it with tongue in cheek it might even have been a bit funny. But you took it seriously for some reason. In any case what he said is the equivalent of a married man quipping about her indoors.

A lot of decent men do this. They aren’t even thinking of whether you fancy them of think they fancy you or not. It’s an automatic reflex. So as not to create any question.

exactly the same as how good men have learned to be around random children. They don’t touch them or be alone with them even if the child is in distress. They seek help. They have no intention of abusing them but they have a built in boundary for self protection.

or how decent men don’t place their hands on you in group photos. See Keanu Reeves as an example.

it’s not about YOU it’s about THEM and their boundaries and creating an honourable detachment. It’s also to safeguard against women and children thinking the opposite and thinking the man is a creep.

Yes, women are such vicious nutcases, aren't they?

They're clearly not very good friends then, certainly not friends you see as equal to your female friends. If a male friend and I were together one Saturday afternoon, perhaps whilst our children were playing together, we'd definitely have a beer if it was what we fancied.

My point was it's disrupting their evening-even more so if he stays for a beer and it's a regular occurrence (not just with the OP but potentially with other female neighbours) I thought this was MN where no one needs any help from a man anyway!

So a coffee alone together in the middle of the day is fine but a beer isn’t? scratches head 🤔

You are massively over thinking OP
Just leave it, nought to worry about

£5 ha ha, I don't think he was a 12 year old if she was offering him a beer