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Original poster

Blindsided at breakfast!

209 replies

Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 22:45

So I'm part of a wider friendship group of 6 women. We became friends through our children. I'm closest to two of them much more so than the others. One of others I find tricky sometimes. She's very opinionated and can make comments that I think comes across as critical.

Today at a breakfast with our kids, myself and one of the women I'm closest to whom I will call F, and this other woman whom I will call N, were sitting together chatting. I find in this dynamic when the 3 of us are together (our children do the same hobby), they talk the most and I feel my voice is often unheard (have felt like this my entire life so I'm fully aware that that is my 'stuff'). They will unintentionally (I assume) talk over me or not always really respond to things I say.

So, today the topic of one of our mutual friends marriage came up. Admittedly I am probably feeling a bit drained and frustrated as I have been supporting one of the other two women that I'm closest to navigate her marriage difficulties and now another one if going through problems. From mine, and others perspective, the common denominator here seems to be the men being disrespectful and basically checked out of the marriages and family life. I also feel quite passionate about this topic as 1. It has been present in my life as I support my friend and 2. I have some experience of my own marriage challenges. 3. I feel sorry for all the kids involved.

F was telling a story about someone else she knows and giving their example. I did interrupt her/try to interject my opinion (I suppose unlike most of the time, I persevered in giving my opinion this time) when N, in my opinion, quite angrily and aggressively, physically turned towards me and said 'can you stop being so defensive and let her finish'. I was absolutely gobsmacked and felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I responded that I wasn't being defensive which she double downed on and said I was. I repeated that I wasn't and continued making my point. All the while feeling almost sick at this confrontation. We had finished our food at this point anyway so paid and left. F text me afterwards to say that she was shocked by the whole thing and it was all completely uncalled for by N.

I genuinely still feel shaken by this interaction and don't think I can be around N anymore. I think I'm just venting and lookong for validation that N was completely out of line here? She could surely have just said something like, 'let F finish, I want to hear this', in a calm, normal tone?!

Thanks if you read it all!

OP posts:
ThisGentleRaven · 20/10/2025 11:31

ForCheeryTealDeer · 20/10/2025 11:06

Take the aggression elsewhere.

Show quote history

the only aggressive is one is the person aggressively interrupting.

That's a lot of drama over something that is none of their business anyway.

beAsensible1 · 20/10/2025 11:27

people disagree, you feel funny because you are a people pleaser.

its fine, and F is a stirrer as she didn't speak up in the moment or say she didn't feel interrupted. just text you afterwards like a snake.

If F didn't mind she could've said no you go on, but she didn't.

YumYa · 20/10/2025 11:23

5foot5 · 19/10/2025 23:26

Reading the OP it sounds to me like N, certainly, and possibly also F, are in the habit of talking over the OP and, basically, ignoring her input. She says:

I find in this dynamic when the 3 of us are together (our children do the same hobby), they talk the most and I feel my voice is often unheard (have felt like this my entire life so I'm fully aware that that is my 'stuff'). They will unintentionally (I assume) talk over me or not always really respond to things I say.

On this occasion she made the effort to have her say and be heard and, it seems to me, N was responding badly to this simply because she is used to overriding and ignoring OP and couldn't accept her standing her ground and having her say.

You might think OP's reaction is OTT, but if it is a huge effort for her usually to stand her own ground then I can understand her being unsettled by the aggressive response.

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That's my feeling too.

When I'm with one certain friend we can have various conversations going on and we keep interrupting each other. We laugh about it. Doesn't happen in a bigger group. It's just the way our personalities are. And we see each other every couple of months so have lots to catch up on.

I'd try and avoid N. Her vibe sounds off.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 20/10/2025 11:10

mzpq · 19/10/2025 23:48

Actually the person I feel the most sorry for is the woman whose marriage was being discussed over breakfast.

And the other woman whose marriage problems has 'drained and frustrated' the OP.

It comes across as a crass form of entertainment.

This.

I have to admit though it's because over the years despite no major issues we've had people do this with us - it tends to embolden people to talk shit at you.

Worst example had us divorcing as DH was working away due to circustances - DD1 who later found to be ND got sat next to a girl she liked but who own issues clashed with DD1 easiest thing to do was move them but teacher refused and isnsted it was not school at all because we were divorsing - wouldn't belive me when sat that was rubbish - later found all three kids had been told this as "fact" and were upset. DH was livid - but made a point of coming to playground with me for pickup whenever he could. DD1 situation did get resloved in end via HT - but that teacher was bloody awful for rest of the year to DD1 and me.

Also interesting that couples over year held up as better than us or an example have all really acrimoniously split - so I think a lot of this "insight" is just rubbish.

I suspect OP and N were both rude - but they don't get on so it's more an issue - F sounds two faced and weak - and I wonder how much gets back to the couples under discussion via her.

JFDIYOLO · 20/10/2025 11:09

Stop gossiping about other people's marriages.

Interrupting was rude.

ForCheeryTealDeer · 20/10/2025 11:06

ThisGentleRaven · 20/10/2025 11:03

F was telling a story about someone else she knows and giving their example. I did interrupt her/try to interject my opinion (I suppose unlike most of the time, I persevered in giving my opinion this time)

validation for what?

Someone not being too British or too polite and pointing out how rude that is?

It's hardly a conversation when everybody is trying to talk over each other.

Show quote history

Take the aggression elsewhere.

whatevenwasthat · 20/10/2025 11:05

Newname699032 · 19/10/2025 23:03

You weren't there to be fair. F said she was shook by the whole thing as well so clearly felt it too even though it wasn't directed at her.

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Well nobody here was (unless A,B,X,Y, Whoever) are on MN, so it's a pretty pointless statement to make.

If you know the answer, why are you asking the question.

ThisGentleRaven · 20/10/2025 11:03

ForCheeryTealDeer · 20/10/2025 10:55

It’s pointless asking a bunch of strangers on here what they think, there are many who will get pleasure out of making you feel worse. You friend F said that friend N was out or order so I’d take that as the validation you need, however I feel she could have said something at the time.

F was telling a story about someone else she knows and giving their example. I did interrupt her/try to interject my opinion (I suppose unlike most of the time, I persevered in giving my opinion this time)

validation for what?

Someone not being too British or too polite and pointing out how rude that is?

It's hardly a conversation when everybody is trying to talk over each other.

ForCheeryTealDeer · 20/10/2025 10:55

It’s pointless asking a bunch of strangers on here what they think, there are many who will get pleasure out of making you feel worse. You friend F said that friend N was out or order so I’d take that as the validation you need, however I feel she could have said something at the time.

ThisGentleRaven · 20/10/2025 10:54

RanchRat · 20/10/2025 10:28

N is a bully, as are so many posters this morning. OP you sound lovely, ignore the meanies and trust your gut,

who's a bully?

the topic of one of our mutual friends marriage came up.
this is so embarrassing.. a bunch of women gossiping in a cafe, its so stereotypical it' can't be real.

Fiddlesticks357 · 20/10/2025 10:53

No it doesnt at all, its part of normal conversing, its not always appropriate to wait, small gaps in conversation are when you can talk/reply/disagree/agree, that other woman doesnt have a right to say when OP can and can't speak, how ridiculous are people being. Someone can make a point then someone is allowed to contest it without being so seriously offended, she obv had a problem with op who sounds like a much nicer person, a lot of people here sound like the bitchy friend in question tbh

WinteriscomingKnitfaster25 · 20/10/2025 10:46

NollyGreen · 20/10/2025 07:49

Yes reading this post - I wonder if you’ve been like I have in the past OP - you know you’ve got a history of being unheard and the passive or ‘quiet’ one so you sort of want to prove a point. I’ve done this and it doesn’t end well. When I genuinely feel better about myself I don’t care how I’m being ‘seen’ by others - if this makes sense and will feel happy being quiet

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Agree
Op is constantly revisiting the old unheard dynamic by trying to get F to listen to her but probably unconsciously
Doing this is a way of trying to heal old wounds when actually F is not going to change so Op should just end the friendship

Expecting others to change is futile, over examining it is futile
Just remove yourself from this dynamic Op

mmsnet · 20/10/2025 10:42

shut up and stop interrupting people

PollyBell · 20/10/2025 10:42

RanchRat · 20/10/2025 10:29

Just to add, I suspect a lot the mean posts are by incel blokes.

Of course, women would never act like they always have impecible manners sure sounds like a bunch of 12 year olds to me but this 'they are badly behaved so must be blokes or one bloke' really?

Op stay out of the drama and find new friends

SilverStripedSunset · 20/10/2025 10:39

RanchRat · 20/10/2025 10:28

N is a bully, as are so many posters this morning. OP you sound lovely, ignore the meanies and trust your gut,

Oh give over, does a lovely person gossip about her friend’s marriage with other women in such a manner that it causes bad feeling amongst those who were gossiping? And I don’t think the OP has answered whether this was in front of the children!

Autumngirl5 · 20/10/2025 10:34

You all sound like a group of gossips! All sounds very unhealthy.

RanchRat · 20/10/2025 10:29

Just to add, I suspect a lot the mean posts are by incel blokes.

RanchRat · 20/10/2025 10:28

N is a bully, as are so many posters this morning. OP you sound lovely, ignore the meanies and trust your gut,

shhblackbag · 20/10/2025 10:23

MotherMary14 · 20/10/2025 09:39

I would be more cautious of F than N, tbh. If she's happy to gossip about a friend's failing marriage in a public place then you just know she's gossiping about you behind your back when you are not there. Chances are she and N have had negative conversations about you and N saw it as a chance to stick up for her friend when you kept interrupting. Her stern response (because it sounds more stern than aggressive) may have been fuelled by F previously complaining about you.

In fact, don't be surprised if F is stirring the awkward dynamic that exists between you and N. It probably suits her that the two of you don't get on so she can gossip with both of you about the other one. I bet if you and N were in a room alone together without her you'd get on better than you think you do.

Be very wary of slagging off N to F, because I'd put money on it being fed back to her.

I'd pay attention to this possibility if I were OP.

ShiftingSand · 20/10/2025 10:08

People interrupt all the time imo. Sometimes they are the ones who don’t take a breath to let anyone else have a say. I have experience of being told by someone who constantly interrupts anyone they are talking to, to stop interrupting which was unbelievable as they had zero self awareness. I interrupted because there was no other way to be heard. I barely say anything to her now in our get togethers but have noticed that she definitely likes to be the centre of attention and I feel happier not dealing with her. I can understand your feelings of upset though as I experience them myself when spoken to harshly. Some of us are just highly sensitive and there’s nothing wrong with that😐

Tessasanderson · 20/10/2025 10:01

Regardless of the ins and outs of the situation. Its pretty simple really. You dont particularly like N and she doesnt like you by the sound of it. Just avoid her. In fact dont put yourself in her company.

She will quickly get the message and so will your friends.

Life is too short to feel like you have been punched in the guts at someones attitude. You are an adult, act like one. You will quickly find out who are actually your friends.

BeLilacSloth · 20/10/2025 10:00

ThisGentleRaven · 20/10/2025 09:59

but you see the OP has some experience of her own marriage challenges

so it's absolutely normal to gossip over other people's life 😂

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Go and join them for breakfast then

Rumpledandcrumpled · 20/10/2025 10:00

OriginalUsername2 · 20/10/2025 09:56

“did not appreciate being 'policed' and shut down like that”

I would make sure to say this to her and to your friends. She obviously doesn’t like you but she should apologise for losing her cool. We all deserve basic respect.

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And the op doesn’t like her obviously; they were all sitting there bitchy gossiping, so the fact they go at each other also isn’t really a surprise.

ThisGentleRaven · 20/10/2025 09:59

BeLilacSloth · 20/10/2025 09:56

A group of bitchy women getting together to discuss somebody else’s marriage. You all sound like absolute cows. Look for validation elsewhere OP.

but you see the OP has some experience of her own marriage challenges

so it's absolutely normal to gossip over other people's life 😂

BeLilacSloth · 20/10/2025 09:56

A group of bitchy women getting together to discuss somebody else’s marriage. You all sound like absolute cows. Look for validation elsewhere OP.