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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I messed things up with new man?

69 replies

Evesnight · 19/10/2025 18:19

Dating around 8 months anyway without outing myself I started questioning him which he does not like, understandably. This was due to his hot/cold behaviour.

We had a bit of an argument and he hasn't spoken to me since. Albeit it has only been 3 days. I have tried to reach out and extend an olive branch and nothing.

What would you do?
I know he hasn't had a positive past with women and he describes himself as "jaded".

OP posts:
ginasevern · 19/10/2025 18:33

There's nothing as attractive as a moody "jaded" man. What are his other positives! Throw this one back OP.

therewasafishinthepercolator · 19/10/2025 18:31

He sounds like a dick. Forget him. You haven't done anything wrong. He shouldn't be running hot and cold with you. You're entitled to ask him about that. This guy isn't treating you well and sounds like an immature headwrecker. You've dodged a bullet.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 19/10/2025 18:31

YABU to be putting up with this shit, especially only eight months in. Runs hot and cold? Fuck that! So now he’s giving you the silent treatment. You say you’ve offered him an olive branch and he’s ignoring you. I promise he’s enjoying dangling you on a hook like this. He’s a childish manipulative twat. Just get rid of him.

CountryMouse22 · 19/10/2025 18:28

The Lord save us from moody men! Give him the bum's rush!

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/10/2025 18:28

Hard to know based on what you've posted here whether your challenge was reasonable, but if he is blowing hot and cold I don't know why you'd worry about messing things up with him. At that stage of a relationship he should be absolutely on his best behaviour.

Stop worrying about whether you have messed it up and worry about whether he's right for you. If he's not instilling trust and confidence, the answer is almost certainly no. Get rid.

OrigamiOwls · 19/10/2025 18:26

8 months is supposed to be the honeymoon phase. Best behaviour etc.

If you dare to question him he goes silent for 3 days? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Throw this one back in the sea.

pikkumyy77 · 19/10/2025 18:26

Jesus: dump him. “Jaded” by women? What—did a woman bite him as a child? Come in. Uf he wants to be with you he can choose to be with you. Why be with someone who doesn’t know what he wants?

BCBird · 19/10/2025 18:25

I would not bother with him. Know it's difficult if u have feelings for him, but why would u want such complications in your life?

XWKD · 19/10/2025 18:25

You've had a lucky escape. Ignore him.

Gentlydoesit2 · 19/10/2025 18:25

🚩🚩🚩

Arlanymor · 19/10/2025 18:25

Well none of us know what you said and if he's got a right to feel cross and want space. But at the very least take this time to decide if he's the person for you - the hot and cold stuff sounds very off-putting.

sarlavee · 19/10/2025 18:24

If he doesn't make you feel safe, after 8 months. Get rid. He will never change. Men don't

Lolopolo · 19/10/2025 18:23

If he’s treats you like this now, he will be worse in the future. Let him go, he sounds like a knob.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 19/10/2025 18:23

I know he hasn't had a positive past with women

Let me guess.
A series of "crazy exes"?

Justmuddlingalong · 19/10/2025 18:23

He's using silence to control you and your behaviour.
Don't tow his line.
Block and move on. 💐

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 19/10/2025 18:22

I wouldn't pursue such a man.
He sounds awful.

Childanddogmama · 19/10/2025 18:22

As to what to do... block and move on.

Childanddogmama · 19/10/2025 18:21

Sounds like a great get out from this man tbh.

rangeraft · 19/10/2025 18:21

if he's hot and cold you have every right to question him after 8 months! does not sound like a keeper to me