Fed up of ‘sexual’ dynamic between DP and my friend

Id bin them both tbh. Grim!

If thats too extreme, then i think id bring up how much he is desperate to be pegged in front of other friends.

Hes fine with humiliating you after all

Christ, the DISRESPECT?!!

Your 'friend' is a Grade A Pick-Me bitch and she needs telling to back off and STFU. That is NOT how a friend behaves.

I agree that she is putting you down to make herself look better. I take it the trollop is single and a desperate attention whore? There's no other excuse if she's gay, surely?

Your DH is also a twat for entertaining the conversation and sharing personal details.

They have both hugely broken your trust, OP.

I'd be reading the riot act for WEEKS over that shit!

Time to distance yourself, unless the friendship really matters to you, in which case you need to tell her you feel she overstepped and in your opinion it’s not appropriate for her to be discussing your sex life in front of your husband.

Really? As a rule lesbians don’t want to shag men. As a sixty year old I can assure you that some do, and sometimes it’s married men. And It may not seem likely but you’d be naive to discount it as a possibility. They have certainly crossed a line in terms of inappropriate sexual conversation.

You need to tell your DP this, and imo, end the “ friendship “ too.

Op, your thread says there is a sexual dynamic so you must feel your dp and your friend have a connection.

She sounds awful. Attention seeking, immature - and clearly chatting with your dp unknowst to you. About your sex life.

For that alone she would be gone. Him, I'd probably bin off too. How can you enjoy a sex life knowing he reports back to your friend? And gives you advice on how to please a man?

She isn't your friend. She couldn't make it clearer! Your dp isn't doing too well either.

a) she's not a friend
b) she wants your husband
c) your husband is extremely unreasonable in discussing your sex life with her

In your shoes I'd be having a very blunt conversation with husband about boundaries & disclosure of private &/or intimate information and I'd totally cut her out of your life.

If your friend isn't attracted to men, then she is just another wind up merchant. I've seen it countless times before; a woman who pretends to be sexual and says a lot of sexual things just for shock value, but has no actual intention of actually being sexual.

So you have nothing to worried about in terms of DP, but you just have an annoying friend.

You missed it because the OP was very badly written. Her friend being a lesbian should have been in the OP and the expression 'sexual dynamic' also makes no sense in this context. People have gone down a wild goose chase of the friend going after the husband because of this important omission/drip feed.

People who talk about sex a lot are usually either sex pests or insecure and use sex to get attention.
Id tell your dh it makes you uncomfortable and ask him not to have conversations about sex with your friend anymore.
id also consider if a friend who flirts with your husband is actually a friend.

Ah i missed this, yes she is might not be physically interested in him but he needs to stop talking to her about your sex life, because of the getting off on the sex talk

wondering how long your partner has been your partner?

Never mind her. Why is he discussing your sex life with anyone??

That would be an instant dealbreaker for me.

It all sounds…. Sleazy and a bit 🤢

Kids? Jobs?

Why spend free time drinking with people you don’t like?

If she’s not interested in men why is she discussing sex with him ? And why is he clearly discussing with her what you and he do in bed ? Massive breach of trust on his part and she needs to mind her own business. If the friendship is getting a bit tired, then maybe this is a reason to put it out of its’ misery.

It's a weird phemonenon but I've come across lesbian 'pick me's before too. I don't pretend to know why but, conciously or not, she's trying to position herself as the Cool Girl with your DH for some reason.

I know there will be nuances to your relationship with her, but I think it's time to be quite seriously direct with her if this ever comes up again. I'd suggest: a) this is absolutely none of her business and you would be grateful if she would stop behaving like an interfering old bat trying to tell you how to 'please your man'; and b) trying to coerce someone into sex that they don't want crosses the line from inappropriate to actually sinister and our may be something she wants to watch out for in general in herself given she seemed to fall into this so easily.

I would read my DH the riot act and, if he complains, suggest that maybe either he or you should discuss the disagreement with his mother/granny/sister/ other woman whose good opinion he cares about and see what they think. He knows full well

They both sound shit, to be honest.

How old are you? How frequently do you all go drinking together?

People like this are completely tedious. They think they are so cool or edgy for talking openly about this stuff when the rest of us find it completely inappropriate or cringey.

I bet she thinks “sex work is work” or that porn is ok too.

Tell her to fucking stop it, tell your DP to keep his trap shut about your private life or it’s over.

It's not about you knowing 'he'll never go there' though is it?!! It's about him thinking just because she's a lesbian, it makes it OK for him to discuss your sex life! It's him not understanding that he's over-stepped a boundary. It's about her pressurising you, and thinking it's OK to do so. Ask him how he would feel if you were discussing your sex life with a gay (or straight) friend of his? Would he think that's perfectly OK, because the friend is gay and you 'wouldn't go there'???!! I bet he'd soon have a different opinion. If she's forthright and intimidating, then he needs to grow a pair, and stand up for himself. He doesn't have or need to engage in these conversations with her.

I don't think she is "Sex Positive". I think she's just inappropriate, tbh.
Who the hell has conversations like that with other people's partners.

Also, your dp should have also shut it down too. All he had to say was that he isn't willing to discuss his sex life - on the grounds that it is none of her business.

Let her be "sex positive" with her own partner.

Is he fuck intimidated by her. He was open to an offer. A lot of 'Mistresses' don't see the BDSM acts, as sexual, it doesn't matter on the sexuality of the giver. No man discusses getting shagged up the arse, to someone who intimidates them. You drop her asap. You tell him straight, he's crossed a boundary. They have both been getting off on it.

He still thinks he is in with a chance with her.

And has no idea of how to behave.

Bin her, OP!

I would be beyond furious with both of them but especially her. I'd be very clear with OH that I was uncomfortable with them discussing our personal life and expect him to not do it again ever and the same with her but much more stridently. Frankly I wouldn't want someone like her in my life.

Yes true, but the advice should be similar. State firm boundaries and if they aren’t respected after that, break contact with the friend. Possibly even reconsider things with your partner.