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Original poster

Could he find someone to have a child with

86 replies

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:08

Crazy question, and I haven't thought this through or spoken to my partner about it so don't take it too seriously!
I am much older than him and can't have kids. He was undecided about having his own children but we got together anyway and he is happy with me.
I have always felt a bit guilty about him not having the opportunity to have his own children and while pondering this I wondered if he should try and have a child with someone else. So my crazy question is this. Could he find someone who is single and wanted to share parenting with him. Maybe someone who hasn't met the right person or who is gay? Is this a thing and has anyone ever heard of this happening in real life?

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:41

DiscoBob · 18/10/2025 20:39

No he shouldn't try and have a child with someone else at your suggestion just to assuage your guilt. If he wants a kid then he should leave you. But he obviously doesn't.

Like I said, I'm just pondering, and not seriously

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:40

NellieElephantine · 18/10/2025 20:36

This, what a disturbing tragic idea

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Two people who really want children - enough to enter a co-parenting relationship would probably be better parents than a lot of parents who are in a "traditional" set up

OP posts:
cloudtreecarpet · 18/10/2025 20:40

You are so desperate to keep him & worried the age gap will scare him off that you are suggesting something completely ridiculous.
It's a child you are talking about here, not a pet!

DiscoBob · 18/10/2025 20:39

No he shouldn't try and have a child with someone else at your suggestion just to assuage your guilt. If he wants a kid then he should leave you. But he obviously doesn't.

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:39

Winterwonders24 · 18/10/2025 20:38

Of course they'll have a relationship!! They'll be making and raising a child together!!

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Yes, I mentioned this upthread

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:38

Netcurtainnelly · 18/10/2025 20:36

Whats so great about having children?

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I quite like mine

OP posts:
Winterwonders24 · 18/10/2025 20:38

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:12

They don't have to have sex or be in a relationship to have a child together

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Of course they'll have a relationship!! They'll be making and raising a child together!!

NellieElephantine · 18/10/2025 20:36

LetsFlyHighAway · 18/10/2025 20:15

No child deserves to actively be brought into a situation with separated parents and the lack of stability that brings. Would you be interested in fostering or adopting and building a family together?

This, what a disturbing tragic idea

Jellybunny56 · 18/10/2025 20:36

It takes a lot more than a fertilised egg to make someone a parent, I’d truly hope nobody is bringing a child into the world under these circumstances.

Netcurtainnelly · 18/10/2025 20:36

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:08

Crazy question, and I haven't thought this through or spoken to my partner about it so don't take it too seriously!
I am much older than him and can't have kids. He was undecided about having his own children but we got together anyway and he is happy with me.
I have always felt a bit guilty about him not having the opportunity to have his own children and while pondering this I wondered if he should try and have a child with someone else. So my crazy question is this. Could he find someone who is single and wanted to share parenting with him. Maybe someone who hasn't met the right person or who is gay? Is this a thing and has anyone ever heard of this happening in real life?

Whats so great about having children?

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:34

SleepyLemur · 18/10/2025 20:30

OP missed you saying above you wouldn't want to be a full time parent, so my suggestions about adoption or donor eggs are not very helpful. If you don't want to be a full time parent though, I am not sure co-parenting is very good idea, if anything were to happen to the co-parent you would become a full time parent. Just a consideration of course.

Good point, if I needed to step up I would but it wouldn't be my first option

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:33

SquishyGloopyBum · 18/10/2025 20:27

You are looking at this through the lens of being a parent already.

not everyone wants children. it’s not a need that everyone has.

Is this filling a hole you actually have in your life somehow?

He hasn’t mentioned it to you. Why is this even an idea?

No, no holes in my life it's just that question in the back of my mind if there is one in his

OP posts:
SleepyLemur · 18/10/2025 20:30

OP missed you saying above you wouldn't want to be a full time parent, so my suggestions about adoption or donor eggs are not very helpful. If you don't want to be a full time parent though, I am not sure co-parenting is very good idea, if anything were to happen to the co-parent you would become a full time parent. Just a consideration of course.

SquishyGloopyBum · 18/10/2025 20:27

You are looking at this through the lens of being a parent already.

not everyone wants children. it’s not a need that everyone has.

Is this filling a hole you actually have in your life somehow?

He hasn’t mentioned it to you. Why is this even an idea?

SleepyLemur · 18/10/2025 20:24

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:22

Interesting, I think you'd have to be very certain about the person you chose to co-parent

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Completely agree.

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:22

SleepyLemur · 18/10/2025 20:20

It sounds like it could be quite complicated and have risks, but I believe there are co-parenting websites. Potentially they could help match him with someone, I don't know. I know someone who chose to co-parent with a platonic friend (they are both heterosexual but had not met the right person), they were friends before though. Assume one of them could meet a romantic partner, then would be quite similar to the situation you describe considering.

Would it be easier for you to adopt together though or would you be able to use donor eggs and you carry the child (if safe clinically for you to do this of course)

Edited

Interesting, I think you'd have to be very certain about the person you chose to co-parent

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:21

Strictlycomeparent · 18/10/2025 20:15

Possibly. But these kind of intentional co-parenting situation usually come about through friendship.

That makes sense

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 18/10/2025 20:20

I think it's up to him to drive this if its something he wants. Presumably he's been with you knowing this was a choice he'd have to make and he's made it to happily be with you. I think I'd accept that at face value. If things are working well for you both why muddy the waters. And most importantly would this be in the best interests of whatever child gets brought into the world.

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:20

Gothzilla · 18/10/2025 20:15

Has he mentioned wanting children recently?? If not a bit odd you wanting to propose this idea to him

Edited

I doubt I will propose the idea to him tbh

OP posts:
SleepyLemur · 18/10/2025 20:20

It sounds like it could be quite complicated and have risks, but I believe there are co-parenting websites. Potentially they could help match him with someone, I don't know. I know someone who chose to co-parent with a platonic friend (they are both heterosexual but had not met the right person), they were friends before though. Assume one of them could meet a romantic partner, then would be quite similar to the situation you describe considering.

Would it be easier for you to adopt together though or would you be able to use donor eggs and you carry the child (if safe clinically for you to do this of course)

MouseCheese87 · 18/10/2025 20:19

This pipe dream won't work out. That child would be in your life as long as he is your partner. It would take him away from you too.

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:19

pushthebuttonnn · 18/10/2025 20:17

That would be really weird all round I'm afraid & it could cause some serious predicaments for you both. What would you do at Christmas if he wanted to spend it with his child and so did it's mother? Sit at home alone? You could end up jealous, lonely & full of resentment. If he seems happy with you just enjoy it! If he wanted a family of his own he probably would have done so by now.

What do separated parents do at Christmas?

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:19

LetsFlyHighAway · 18/10/2025 20:15

No child deserves to actively be brought into a situation with separated parents and the lack of stability that brings. Would you be interested in fostering or adopting and building a family together?

No, I wouldn't want to be a full time parent. I don't see why it would be unstable?

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:18

SquishyGloopyBum · 18/10/2025 20:13

this is very odd - if he has told you he was undecided and is happy with you. Why don’t you believe him?

I don’t want kids. If my H made such an offer to me I’d be highly offended to be honest.

This is why I am pondering on here and haven't spoken to him about it

OP posts:
pushthebuttonnn · 18/10/2025 20:17

That would be really weird all round I'm afraid & it could cause some serious predicaments for you both. What would you do at Christmas if he wanted to spend it with his child and so did it's mother? Sit at home alone? You could end up jealous, lonely & full of resentment. If he seems happy with you just enjoy it! If he wanted a family of his own he probably would have done so by now.