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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Could he find someone to have a child with

86 replies

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:08

Crazy question, and I haven't thought this through or spoken to my partner about it so don't take it too seriously!
I am much older than him and can't have kids. He was undecided about having his own children but we got together anyway and he is happy with me.
I have always felt a bit guilty about him not having the opportunity to have his own children and while pondering this I wondered if he should try and have a child with someone else. So my crazy question is this. Could he find someone who is single and wanted to share parenting with him. Maybe someone who hasn't met the right person or who is gay? Is this a thing and has anyone ever heard of this happening in real life?

OP posts:
FamBae · 18/10/2025 21:01

I think that just the fact your even pondering this screams insecurity despite your protestations.

SleepyLemur · 18/10/2025 21:00

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:34

Good point, if I needed to step up I would but it wouldn't be my first option

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That makes sense

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:59

newusernamex1000 · 18/10/2025 20:55

Not fair on the child, don’t do it.

Like I said it was just a crazy question that I was wondering about, it's not going to happen

OP posts:
newusernamex1000 · 18/10/2025 20:55

Not fair on the child, don’t do it.

MumChp · 18/10/2025 20:55

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:52

Most of that wouldn't bother me actually but they are interesting points

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You think. You can't really know.

MumChp · 18/10/2025 20:54

SquishyGloopyBum · 18/10/2025 20:51

It doesn’t even include him at this stage! This is all in the ops head!

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It's strange because it would be a 50/50 child. OP would be involved in childcare. The kid would have 3 parents.

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:53

NellieElephantine · 18/10/2025 20:52

Bringing a child in to a life where they start from never having a permanent home and are always split 50/50, inherently fucking self indulgent twattery .

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Ok, thank you for your opinion

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:52

SquishyGloopyBum · 18/10/2025 20:52

Yes but like many of us have said, it’s weird you are even thinking about it, even if it’s not seriously.

you need to reflect on that.

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Ok I will go away and think about it

OP posts:
NellieElephantine · 18/10/2025 20:52

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:40

Two people who really want children - enough to enter a co-parenting relationship would probably be better parents than a lot of parents who are in a "traditional" set up

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Bringing a child in to a life where they start from never having a permanent home and are always split 50/50, inherently fucking self indulgent twattery .

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:52

AngelinaFibres · 18/10/2025 20:49

How would you feel when they went for scans and he's excitedly showing you the photos.
How would you feel when she needs an induction/ C section/ the birth takes days and he's exhausted and stressed.....and with her....so not replying to your texts / snappy with you because he's preoccupied

How would you feel seeing photos of him and her and their baby at the hospital/ on social media
How would you feel if he needed/ wanted to stay at hers once she and the baby came home from hospital . She would need help. He is the father so he'd want to be there and she would likely need him there.

I honestly could not cope with one single aspect of that

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Most of that wouldn't bother me actually but they are interesting points

OP posts:
SquishyGloopyBum · 18/10/2025 20:52

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:50

Like I've said several times now, I'm not thinking about this seriously. A lot of families are not traditional nuclear families any more

Yes but like many of us have said, it’s weird you are even thinking about it, even if it’s not seriously.

you need to reflect on that.

Gettingbysomehow · 18/10/2025 20:51

This is the most ridiculous post I've ever seen. If he wants kids let him go and have a proper family with someone else. You don't even know if he wants kids, you are just making up nonsense and problems for yourself that don't exist.

SquishyGloopyBum · 18/10/2025 20:51

MumChp · 18/10/2025 20:49

True but how does it include you? And your children. Your family home and your time?
Tbh it doesn't sound like a great idea.

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It doesn’t even include him at this stage! This is all in the ops head!

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:50

Like I've said several times now, I'm not thinking about this seriously. A lot of families are not traditional nuclear families any more

OP posts:
SquishyGloopyBum · 18/10/2025 20:50

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:33

No, no holes in my life it's just that question in the back of my mind if there is one in his

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I think you really need to examine why you are thinking this? Why it’s a thought that you wanted to post on MN.

Its really weird you are thinking of this, on the basis of nothing from him about it.

MumChp · 18/10/2025 20:49

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:40

Two people who really want children - enough to enter a co-parenting relationship would probably be better parents than a lot of parents who are in a "traditional" set up

Show quote history

True but how does it include you? And your children. Your family home and your time?
Tbh it doesn't sound like a great idea.

AngelinaFibres · 18/10/2025 20:49

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:40

Two people who really want children - enough to enter a co-parenting relationship would probably be better parents than a lot of parents who are in a "traditional" set up

Show quote history

How would you feel when they went for scans and he's excitedly showing you the photos.
How would you feel when she needs an induction/ C section/ the birth takes days and he's exhausted and stressed.....and with her....so not replying to your texts / snappy with you because he's preoccupied

How would you feel seeing photos of him and her and their baby at the hospital/ on social media
How would you feel if he needed/ wanted to stay at hers once she and the baby came home from hospital . She would need help. He is the father so he'd want to be there and she would likely need him there.

I honestly could not cope with one single aspect of that

cloudtreecarpet · 18/10/2025 20:48

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:44

Are step parents weird third wheels?

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I'm not rising to this because I don't believe this is a genuine thread. It's Saturday night, you're bored & wanting to stir something up
.
At least I hope it's that & this isn't a genuine idea that you are serious about.
Hopefully your partner would be just as disturbed by the suggestion if you suggested it.

Why not just get a dog together??

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:48

Jellybunny56 · 18/10/2025 20:46

They are when they’re pimping their much younger boyfriend out to another person purely to have a child like you are suggesting OP, yes, very fucking weird infact

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That's not what I'm doing though is it

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:47

cloudtreecarpet · 18/10/2025 20:43

Stop pondering then, it's an absurd idea and smacks of genuine desperation.

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I'm not desperate to keep him, we're very happy together and I will ponder all I like

OP posts:
Jellybunny56 · 18/10/2025 20:46

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:44

Are step parents weird third wheels?

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They are when they’re pimping their much younger boyfriend out to another person purely to have a child like you are suggesting OP, yes, very fucking weird infact

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:44

cloudtreecarpet · 18/10/2025 20:42

But there will be this weird third wheel involved - you!

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Are step parents weird third wheels?

OP posts:
cloudtreecarpet · 18/10/2025 20:43

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:41

Like I said, I'm just pondering, and not seriously

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Stop pondering then, it's an absurd idea and smacks of genuine desperation.

cloudtreecarpet · 18/10/2025 20:42

ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:40

Two people who really want children - enough to enter a co-parenting relationship would probably be better parents than a lot of parents who are in a "traditional" set up

Show quote history

But there will be this weird third wheel involved - you!

Original poster
ILoveAnjanaVasan · 18/10/2025 20:42

cloudtreecarpet · 18/10/2025 20:40

You are so desperate to keep him & worried the age gap will scare him off that you are suggesting something completely ridiculous.
It's a child you are talking about here, not a pet!

See my last response

OP posts: